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The rest? Well, we would figure it out.
Chapter 11
Ayla
How had everything gone so off the rails? One moment we’d been walking along, returning to my childhood home, the next it seemed I was in Kai’s lap, sobbing my eyes out.
I couldn’t help it. I was so awash with conflicting emotions that I felt like they were going to rip their way out of my chest if I didn’t vent them somehow.
I was elated and maybe punch-drunk over having the curse broken yet again, my connection to Kai more virulent than ever. But I also was terrified over what happened. To me, the fact that there were so many hexes set up for us to run into meant they knew where we were going before we even got there.
That in and of itself was a lot to have on my mind. But I was also afraid for Darla and the rest of the crew, worried they were dead or hurt somewhere and that they needed me. I felt like I’d betrayed them by running away to safety, even though it was the best thing for me to do.
Then finally there was the extreme guilt I felt toward Kai. Part of it was that he’d caught me in an elaborate lie, and the other was that I’d failed in my efforts to protect him. He knew we were fated mates, and it seemed like he was eager to pursue it.
I was sotiredof fighting it. Being a fated mate was as innate as breathing and resisting it for so long was going against my very nature. Iwantedto protect Kai, Ineededto keep him safe, but I was only a mortal woman.
I knew I should curse him again—it was as plain as the nose on my face—but after he’d looked so hurt at the idea that I hadn’t wanted him, I couldn’t bear to wound him any further.
It’d really thrown me for a loop when he’d asked how he’d failed me. Never in a million years had I thought that was something he could assume, because between being smart, dashing, capable, and kind, he was also drop dead handsome. How could heeverthink I actually didn’t want him?
It was all just too much, but Kai didn’t protest as I sobbed, laughed, and otherwise got snot all over him.
Eventually, however, I was able to cry myself out. It didn’t resolve all of my feelings, but I felt less like I was about to burst at the seams. As for Kai, he was still holding me, still looking at me like I was the whole world.
If I was being honest with myself, it felt so incredibly right to be held by this strong, golden-hearted alpha. Much like the force of gravity, we were an inevitability that couldn’t be compromised around, as much as I’d spent three years trying to disprove exactly that. Besides, his enthusiasm about the whole thing was just so cute.
Because really, when we looked at it, he was way out of my league. He was a talented captain who had a successful streak leading Fort Canid. He was well respected, bordering on renowned, and most of his troops really loved him. I wasn’t really aware of his family, but I knew he was fairly well off, and, as I’d mentioned before, he was utterly, painfully, unfairly handsome. From that thick hair above his head, to his broad shoulders and winning smile, I thought he was one of the sexiest men I’d ever met.
None of it was ideal, absolutely none of it, but I couldn’t resist anymore, especially when I’d already hurt him so much.
So, I kissed him.
It shouldn’t have been a big deal, as he’d already kissed me several times, but it was the first time I’d initiated it on my own.
It was just as nice as the others. I could feel Kai’s surprise at first, but that only lasted a beat before he relaxed into it. We started out slowly, but the more our lips moved against each other, the more the heat began to build within us, and I found myself wondering why I'd resisted for so long.
It was like drowning in pleasure, but what a way to suffocate. All was right in the world, my body simmering with things I wasn’t supposed to know, things that I'd long since given up on ever experiencing.
All thoughts of my malignant shadow, or responsibilities, or noble sacrifice were gone. There was only Kai and I, connected physically and through our bond.
Arousal shot through me, seeping into my nerves. What I was doing with Kai was so far the most I’d ever done with, well,anyone.It wasn’t like I’d had a boyfriend while hiding in the middle of the forest with my coven, and keeping myself isolated while on Fort Canid since I was nineteen didn’t exactly enable a dating life, either.
That was how I’d ended up as a twenty-two-year-old virgin. Not that there was anything wrong with it. I’d met people plenty older than me who'd chosen not to have sex. But that was just the thing, they’dchosen.I had that chance taken from me, as I couldn’t risk getting close enough to someone I’d actually want to share my first time with. It was a special thing—a daring jump into a new experience. I wanted to do that with someone I trusted.
I trusted Kai.
That wasn’t just my libido speaking. He’d proven to be a competent and wonderful leader ever since I’d met him. If anyone could take my hand and take care of me, it would be him.
I should have stopped, I knew that. It would have been the right thing to do.
Somehow I managed to break the kiss and pull away. It caused me real, physical pain to separate myself from him, clambering out of his lap like a fawn walking for the first time. I could feel myself getting overly emotional again, and I was just so damn tired of that, too.
“Hey,” he murmured, as gentle as ever. His hand rested on my shoulder and tenderly turned me around. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I said, which convinced neither of us.
“Ayla, you don’t have to hide anything anymore.” He stood and drew me into his arms yet again. Not that I minded. His touch was electric to me but in an entirely welcomed way. I liked the fact that he couldn’t seem to stop touching me, our attraction so deep that even our subconscious wanted us to be in constant contact.
