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Relieved that I wasn’t going to have to justify my point, I continued my march forward, keeping my gaze averted fromany other bodies. I tried hard not to breathe through my nose, either, not wanting to smell or taste the acrid smoke and stinging brimstone.
Unfortunately, there was only so long that I could keep my senses contained. I’d reached where the center house had once been but was now largely rubble and small, burning debris. If I was going to find the relic, I was going to need to reach out with my magic. It was a small thing, too small for me to find quickly on my own, but it was potent enough that there was no way I could miss it if I reached out with my own gift.
Slowing to a stop, I finally opened my senses back up. The agony, the loss, all of it hit me like a ton of bricks, but I had to push it down while I concentrated on the call of the relic.
There, I felt it amongst the debris, vibrating softly with the warm comfort and steely strength I’d always known. Wading through the mess, I dug through bits of charred wood and broken glass until I finally found it.
It was barely bigger than my hand, a crystal in a bronze mount, ancient runes carved into the metal. Tucking it into my bag, I turned back to my mate.
“We should go. Quickly.”
“No argument here.”
We rushed off again, not stopping until we made camp for the night. All of us were exhausted to the point of dropping, but I was glad to be away from it all. I felt strangely empty, and so many emotions echoed within me that somehow it'd hollowed me out, leaving me a puppet made of listless meat and tissue paper.
Even Darla, who was typically a chatterbox, only offered me a long, quiet hug. I took it, despite knowing I probably shouldn’t. I was just so…empty, and the warmth of her comfort and affection was a balm that let me last a little longer in the weary world I’d found myself in.
“I’ll tend to you in the morning,” I told Mad Dog as I laid out my bedroll. It was still vaguely damp from our trip in a creek when we were escaping the camp, but I didn’t care. I just wanted the blissful release of sleep.
“Sounds good to me,” the mercenary answered. Gods, he was being so understanding, even though I wasn’t able to fully heal him. But I was frayed on all edges, one step away from falling apart.
At least I’d gotten the relic. After losing so much, I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if we returned empty-handed.
Laying there must have allowed my mind to slow down enough to catch up with everything that'd happened, because suddenly I was no longer on the precipice of a breakdown. Instead I was right in the thick of it, within guilt and rage so thick I could hardly breathe.
I’d slipped up far too often, and so many people had gotten hurt. Time and time again, my curse had proven eager to snuff out the life of anyone too close to me. It would only be a matter of time before Darla and Kai were affected, and I knew without a doubt I wouldn’t be able to survive that.
“Hey, it’s okay, I’m here,” Kai said, his arm draping over my middle and tugging my entire bedroll over to him. “Just breathe for me, all right? All you have to do is breathe.”
I tried to follow his orders, but it was easier said than done, especially when I glanced at his face. I’d never seen him look so defeated, with worry lines etched into his chiseled features, and concern flowing through our bond.
“Let’s get some sleep, shall we?”
The urge to care for him, to somehow protect him from all the stress bubbled up inside me, but what could I even do? Until we got back to the fort, we were all just as weary and just as worried.
“Yeah, let’s.”
Despite all the pain swirling through me, I closed my eyes and managed to drift off, but it wasn’t the most restful sleep, and I found my eyelids fluttering back open not that much later. I withheld a groan as I looked to Mad Dog and Darla. Both of them were completely dead to the world, with even Mad Dog snoring gently.
But a small rustle behind me told me that Kai wasn't so lucky, our eyes meeting in the dark as I turned.
“Hey, you’re supposed to be sleeping,” I murmured, reaching over to gently stroke his cheek. It was such a soft, chaste touch between us that it struck me with the sweetest form of melancholy.
“So are you,” he said, just as quietly.
“Yet here we are, both very much not asleep.” God, I wished I could take away everything burdening him, but that was hard to do whenIwas the one who was the burden. If it weren’t for me, would Canid even be under attack? It was hard to tell if this was the consequence of war, or if this was my curse.
“Funny how that works, huh?” Weariness layered itself into his voice, making my heart ache. Laying back down on my side, I draped my arm across his waist.
“You know you’re a good leader, right?” I asked. It was a bit of a non-sequitur, but I felt compelled to say it.
He noticed the strange jump and raised an eyebrow. “What makes you say that?”
“I just felt like you needed to know.”
Kai didn’t respond for a couple of beats before sighing, dread leaking through our bond. “It’s hard to believe that when I lost two of our men today. I was rushing, and I let us walk right into a trap.”
“That wasn’t your fault. You can’t possibly blame yourself.”
