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“Huh, that’s strange, because I’m pretty sure I am right now.”
“Look, as much as I appreciate how deeply you value your people, the truth is we both know this is because of my curse. It hurts everyone around me. Itkillsthem.”
At that, Kai finally rolled over to face me. “Why is it you’re able to blame yourself but I can’t do the same?”
“Because I’m the one with a clear pattern of people dying in violent and tragic ways ever since I was little. It started with my nanny, killed right in front of me in a freak accident, then it continued with the coven. I know you’re mad at them for how they treated me, but you have to understand, they were randomly struck by lightning, got illnesses that stacked up on each other in ways that made them incurable. Some just straight up disappeared.”
I could feel the volume rising in my desperation and I didn’t want to wake up the others, so I forced myself to calm down.
“I haven’t been fighting against us, against our mating, because I think you might get a boo-boo, Kai. I’ve been trying to keep my distance, so you don’t die a terrible andviolentdeath.”
Again, he didn’t reply right away. Instead, his arms reached out for me, and he pulled me close, holding me in a way I increasingly found addictive. It was going to be so hard to give up, but after everything that'd happened with my coven, how could I justify staying with him?
“That’s why you ran away in the middle of the night. You knew that Zara and Willa would try to convince you to stay, but you wanted all those terrible things to stop.”
“Exactly that.”
“Where did you go after that? In that gap you didn’t want to talk about?”
“I spent several years just wandering alone in the wilderness. Traveling to places on the borders that were low in population, so I wouldn’t hurt anyone with my presence.”
Kai let out a low, low whistle. “You didn’t deserve that, you know. You don’t deserve forced exile.” I wanted to tell him that it wasn’t a matter of deserving or not, but Kai kept going. “Now that we have each other, you’re never going to have to live like that again.”
“Kai…we can’t…”
“Shh, shh. I know you don’t believe me, but it doesn’t matter if you curse me into oblivion, I’ll still find a way to get to you again.”
“How can you say that after seeing, point blank, what my curse does to people? Tristian, Irina, my coven,allof them. It’s an uncanny amount of malevolent energy that cannot be contained. My malignant shadow.”
Instead of arguing, Kai kissed me. It wasn’t bruising or demanding, but it was firm, nonetheless.
“We’re supposed to be resting,” he chided gently.
“Bold words for someone pestering me basically with a suicide wish. I’m not worth all this.”
He gently cupped my chin in one of his hands, tilting my head so our eyes were locked. “You’re worth a thousand deaths and more, Ayla. You are my mate, and an insanely amazing person.”
Deargods.
He didn’t mean that. Hecouldn’tmean that. He was just letting his dick and his romanticism speak for him, or maybe even his inner wolf who couldn’t understand the complexities of having a cursed mate. There was no way he could actually mean that…but it really, really sounded like hedid.
So, like the selfish, greedy person I was, I pressed my lips to his in a kiss. Like usual, it was full ofsomuch, our mouths communicating but not with words. I felt myself getting carried away with the heat of it, desperate not to feel any ofthe confusing, conflicting emotions within me. Desperate to be swallowed up by the pleasure that he so expertly drew out of me.
Our hands roved over each other, my mind whispering that we weren’t alone, but it was a weak and quiet sound. Ignoring it, I focused only on sensations, because maybe, just maybe, Kai could help me forget that anyone I’d cared about from my childhood was gone.
But as my hand slid down the front of Kai’s pants, he caught it, gently placing it on his chest instead as he broke our kiss.
“Hey,” he murmured, gently stroking my face again. After three years of living completely starved of touch, I loved how easily Kai offered me comfort. He had no qualms with tender, open caresses, or tiny little pecks. They weren’t horny in nature. They weren’t seeking something. All of the little points of contact were comforting for both of us. “As much as I’m always down for a little roll in the hay, is that what youreallyneed right now?”
“What do you mean?” I said, voice quivering.
“I mean that you just suffered a huge loss. After losing a couple of our own, you found out your childhood haven was razed to the ground, and everyone you cared about there is gone.” Fuck, when he put it like that, the walls holding everything back seemed a whole lot weaker. “Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done my own fair share of maladaptive coping mechanisms, but I… I guess I just wanted to check in with you. I can be there for you in other ways than my dick, ya know.”
I managed a weak chuckle at that, marveling at how easily Kai saw through my mask. Was it just because we were mated, or did he truly get me?
My eyes slid closed as tears began to well up. “I can’t believe they’re gone…”
“I know,” Kai said, his thumbs wiping away my tears. “It’s a lot to take in, so you cry or do whatever you need to. There’ll be plenty of time for more fun pastimes later.”
