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Why does she care? I decide to take her mind off of it.
“Ready?” I ask once everything is put away, my voice barely more than a whisper.
“Ready,” she answers, her eyes meeting mine with an intensity that leaves me breathless.
11
HARPER
How can Hudson so easily go on a date, as if our evening together meant nothing?
Granted, it’s not exactly like it was a date. We got fast food, picked out a tree together, kissed in the rain, and then had sex in the back seat of his car…and that was all before I ended up kissing his roommate the next morning, not that he seemed to care.
Why didn’t he care? Because having sex with me didn’t mean anything? Because he did that with all of the women he messed around with? Did he stay at the hospital for every woman he messed around with too?
Then again, aren’t I the one who made it abundantly clear that I don’t want to be anything more than friends, or did that change once we’d slept together? Do I even want it to change, with everything else I have going on?
A part of me feels guilty for kissing Benedict, especially when I’m so conflicted where Hudson is concerned, but at the same time, everything about that kiss lit me on fire and made me want more.
The warmth of the leather seat beneath me is almost as intoxicating as the scent that still lingers in the air, a mix of cologne and desire. I’m trying to focus on the world outside my window, the city lights blurred by the speed at which we’re moving, but my mind is racing with more thoughts than I can handle.
“Hey, Harper.” Benedict’s voice interrupts my thoughts, gentle yet concerned. “Are you okay?” I turn to face him. His gray eyes are filled with worry. He immediately shakes his head, as if chastising himself. “Sorry, that’s a bad question.”
My eyes drift back to the passing scenery, but I can’t ignore the weight of Benedict’s gaze. “I’m sorry,” I murmur, my voice barely audible above the hum of the car engine. “I’m just…preoccupied.” The word feels like an understatement, but it’s the best I can do to describe the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside me.
“Preoccupied, huh?” Benedict’s voice is laced with curiosity, yet he doesn’t push for more information. Instead, he threads his fingers through his tousled hair, a thoughtful expression on his handsome face. “Is there anything I can help you with? Anything I can do to make things easier?”
Benedict and Hudson couldn’t be any more different, yet I like both of them. What does that say about me? What kind of person does that make me?
The concern in his eyes is genuine, and I can’t help but appreciate the sincerity he brings to every interaction we have. He’s always been dependable, and I found myself having a little crush on him when he came to the bakery, constantly ordering more than he needed and flashing me a grin that made my heart flutter.
He gives me a warm smile, and for a moment I almost forget about my tangled thoughts. But as the car speeds down the empty streets, Hudson’s words continue to haunt me. My fingers tap nervously on my thigh as I gather the courage to ask Benedict the question that’s been gnawing at me ever since he mentioned that Hudson was going on a date.
“Hey, Benedict?” My voice is hesitant, and I swallow hard before continuing. What if he gets the wrong idea? What would the wrong idea even be? “Can I ask you something? About Hudson?”
He raises an eyebrow, a hint of amusement playing at the corners of his lips. “Sure, Harper. What do you want to know?”
“Is he…seeing anyone right now?” The words taste bitter on my tongue, and I can’t bring myself to meet his gaze.
“Do you have a crush on him or something?”
“What? No!” I don’t think the wordcrushdescribes how I feel. “I just—” I pause, struggling to find the right words.
Benedict chuckles, and the sound startles me out of my self-consciousness. “I’m just messing with you, Harper,” he says, shaking his head with a grin. “Hudson’s not really the type to settle down with one girl. He enjoys playing the field, you know?”
I feel a pang of disappointment deep in my chest, but I force a smile onto my face, trying to hide the hurt. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense.”
As we continue to drive, I can’t help but replay the memory of Hudson’s touch, the way his lips felt against mine, and the electric current that surged between us. Maybe Hudson truly isn’t the type to commit, and I’m better off focusing my energy on the other men who are ready…like Benedict.
If commitment is even what I want.
Lost in my thoughts, I barely notice when Benedict reaches over to place a comforting hand on mine. His touch is warm and gentle, grounding me in the present and reminding me that even if things with Hudson don’t work out the way I hope, I still have other connections worth cherishing.
“Hey,” Benedict says gently, breaking the silence. “It’s none of my business, but…is there something going on between you and Hudson?”
I glance at his concerned face, shadowed by the flickering streetlights. For a moment, I consider telling him about the firestorm of emotions raging inside me, but it feels too vulnerable, too raw. Instead, I force a smile and shake my head, doing my best to sound casual. “No, nothing, just curious I guess.”
“Okay,” he says, clearly not convinced. But he doesn’t push further, respecting the boundaries I’ve set. I appreciate the gesture, even though I know my answer is far from the truth.
