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Theo gaped at him. “How did you do that?”
Jesse shrugged. “It wasn’t hard to figure out. I know you, remember?”
“You’re right,” Theo said, the corners of his lips turning up. “I don’t know how she knew, but one day Gracie came up to me and handed me a rainbow bracelet.”
Jesse smirked. “That’s Gracie for you.”
Theo shook his head fondly. “She’s made me more since then, too.”
“Does everyone know now?” Jesse asked cautiously. “Like, are you out…?”
“I am,” Theo said, voice sad. “And, um, my dad knows too. Zara was grabbing something from her room, so she saw him watching the live in the hallway.”
Jesse winced. “Yikes. That’s...I’m so sorry, Theo. I really had no idea; if I had I would have never—” He looked desperately at his cousin, hoping Theo was getting what he was trying to say. “I feel horrible.”
“I know,” Theo assured him. “It’s not an ideal situation, but it’s okay. I mean, I wasn’t planning on telling my dad for a very, very long time, but it happened, and I can’t change it. But…strangely enough, it’s like a weight has been lifted off me. I also think I’m a bit numb? Like I’m seeing it from the outside, and it hasn’thitme yet. There should be more emotions, right? I…I’ve never done this before.”
“Neither have I,” Jesse said.
He glanced over at Theo, catching a tiny smirk that his cousin tried to hide. Jesse tried to stop his own grin, but it grew, and soon both boys were doubled over, laughing.
“This—this isn’t funny,” Theo panted, wiping tears from his eyes. Another snort escaped his lips, setting Jesse off again.
“I know!” His own mirth was reflected in Theo’s face. “But I can’t stop laughing!”
“I can’t either!”
This was one of those things you could either laugh about or cry about, something that hurt deep inside and you had no choice but to let the emotions out somehow. The Ashcroft cousins had always prized laughter, and now it had become their coping mechanism. But it was better to laugh than cry, right? At least all the tears Theo was shedding now were from laughing too hard.
It took a minute for Jesse to sober, waiting for that last urge to giggle to disappear. “I feel really bad about it,” he said solemnly. “I hate that you’re hurting, and I hate that I caused your pain.”
Theo stood to grab a tissue from the bathroom. When he returned, there was something akin to resignation on his now-dry face. “I don’t know what to tell you, Jes. Part of me wants to pretend it never happened, and part of me wants to curl up in bed with my earbuds. And then there’s the part of me that wants to confront my dad, because it’s inevitable.”
“I can be there for you if you want,” Jesse offered.
Theo gave him a weak smile. “Thanks, but that’s a conversation Dad and I need to have ourselves.”
Jesse relaxed against his bed. Theo wasn’t angry, and somehow, that made Jesse feel even worse. “Do you ever wonder if you could change something that happened in the past?”
“All the time.” Theo didn’t even hesitate. “That’s basically what anxiety is. Every second you’re thinking about things you could’ve done differently, things you could’ve said. What if we’d realized that mic was still on?”
“Would you change what happened?” Jesse asked, the pit in his stomach deepening.
Theo stood to pace back and forth, crossing the room twice before answering. “I…I don’t think I would. I know it wasn’t exactly the way I planned it, and it’s kind of terrifying thinking of what tomorrow brings, but I’m…relieved…in a way. I’m sure I’ll be overthinking it in a few minutes, but right now? It’s something I don’t have to worry about. I was stressing so much about my dad and everyone finding out and how they’d react. So, my dad’s an ass. He doesn’t want to see me or spend time with me. I wasn’t sure, but now I know. He was not very…polite on the phone call.”
“I’m so sorry, Theo.”
Theo’s eyes fluttered shut as he took a deep breath, letting it out with a loud exhale. “I know.”
Jesse sat quietly on the bed, not wanting to disturb Theo’s peace. His cousin dropped onto the floor, legs stretched out in front of him as he sat in silence.
“Would you change what happened with Raina?” Theo asked abruptly.
Jesse scratched at his skin. “I don’t think so. The relationship we have now is different from the one we had before. We’re learning to trust each other again, but we’re also getting to know each other again. I…I’m still not sure what happened between Raina and Nicole and me. I know we need to discuss that soon and figure out what exactly Raina and I are.”
“What’s stopping you from asking her?” When Jesse didn’t reply, Theo changed the subject. “There’s this musical calledHadestown, and it tells the story of Orpheus and Eurydice. Eurydice goes down to the Underworld, and Orpheus goes to get her back. They’re allowed to leave, with one condition—Orpheus must walk ahead, and he can’t turn back to see if she’s following.”
Jesse leaned forward. “Was she following?”
