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“Well, if you want to talk, I’m here.”
Nicole went still, then she slowly sat up. “Even about last year?”
Jesse stiffened, shifting to face her. She’d only said a few words, but he knew exactly what she meant. “We never did talk about it.”
Nicole bit her lip and Jesse fiddled with one of his shoelaces.
“I’m sorry,” Nicole blurted out. “I’m sorry for lying to you and interfering with your relationship with Raina. I’m sorry for making shit up and trying to keep you apart whenIwas the one who led you on and rejected you last year. I’m a horrible friend.”
“Don’t say that.” Jesse reached over to squeeze her hand. Yes, she’d handled it badly, but all the blame couldn’t be laid at Nicole’s feet. “I had a crush on you, and we decided to give it a shot. It didn’t work out. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.”
“Yes, but then I manipulated you and ruined your current relationship,” Nicole argued.
“And I outed my cousin to the entire internet,” Jesse shot back. “And you know what? I was in your exact position, feeling like I was a horrible cousin and a horrible friend. But Theo…Theo was so graceful about it. He told me it wasn’t my fault, and that I shouldn’t blame myself. And Nicole, I think you’re still blaming yourself that a romantic relationship between us didn’t work out.”
Nicole’s head drooped, her haughty persona wiped away. “I knew I didn’t want a romantic connection. But I thought that if I could have one with anyone, it would be you. I dragged you into my shit, and I dragged Raina into my shit, and then I ruined your relationship with her.”
“Okay, let’s unpack those one by one. You’re my best friend, Nicole, you’re meant to drag me into your shit. I’m here for you, no matter what.” He paused to gather his thoughts, wanting to make sure he was saying the right thing. Even if Nicole wasn’t the most important person in his life anymore, he cared about her immensely and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. “I will always be here for you, whether or not I’m dating someone. As for Raina, yes, you did drag her into it, and for that you owe her a huge apology. She was completely innocent, and you took your hurt and jealousy out on her. That is most definitely not okay.”
“I know,” Nicole acknowledged. “I’ve already spoken to her, and I’ve apologized. I really am sorry for deliberately trying to get between you guys. I know you can have more than one best friend, but…I was jealous. I didn’t want you to like her more than me. You make connections so easily, and I struggle to do that. I was away for a few months, and then I came back to Trinity, and you were super close with another girl already. I felt like I was being replaced.”
“I could never replace you!” Jesse exclaimed. “Nicole, you’re one of the most important people in my life. But that doesn’t mean I can’t have other important people, too. Do you care that I’m close with Zara?”
“No,” Nicole said miserably. “I don’t know why I cared about Raina. You’ve had other female friends before. I…it’s just different with her somehow.”
Jesse’s face softened. “I think this is also the first time I’ve built an emotional connection with someone that I’m not related to. But Nicole, the love we have for each other might not be romantic, but it’s still there. It’s still real. And that’s what matters.”
“I don’t understand my feelings,” Nicole admitted. “How I feel about you is different from how I feel about Zara or Theo. But at the same time, they’re not romantic feelings. I don’t want to kiss you or anything; I don’t know what they are.”
“You’re my platonic soulmate, Nic. We’re meant to be together, even though we’re not meant to betogether.”
Nicole tilted her head back against the couch and blinked rapidly. “Are you and Raina?”
“Are me and Raina what?”
“Meant to be together.”
Jesse hesitated. “I wish I knew. I know how I feel, and I know how Raina feels. But she has religious rules that don’t let her date. Raina’s got some stuff to work through before she’ll even consider dating someone.”
“That sucks.”
“It does,” Jesse agreed. But at the end of the day, it was Raina’s decision, and he would accept it. “I can tell her how I feel, but whether we’re meant for each other or not is up to her.”
“Have you told her how you feel?”
“Maybe. Kinda. Sort of. Yes?” He paused. “Does this mean you’re okay with Raina now?”
Nicole didn’t call him out on the obvious subject change. “I don’t...dislike her.”
“I’ll take it.” Jesse smiled. “That’s all I ever wanted. Well, that and a cauldron. The chefs hate when I use the kitchen pots.”
Nicole shook her head. “You know, sometimes I wonder why we’re friends.”
“Because you’re my platonic soulmate,” Jesse said firmly.
A small smile played on Nicole’s lips. “I mean, I wouldn’t mind dying because of a stray poison. Would be a pretty badass way to die.”
“We’re not dying anytime soon,” Jesse said with a sigh.
