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“I... I do love you.”
Yeah right.I waited for the rest of what was surely a riveting addition to our failure at communication.
“I’m just not maternal. I never was.”
And there it was. The whole reason I was so fucked up. I sighed heavily. “And you never will be, Mom. So, just go. Go back to your life and stay out of mine.”
I continued into the kitchen and snatched at my emergency supply of chocolate and candy from the top shelf. When I returned to my couch, my mother was gone. I sat down on the couch and resumed my lazy day posture. Movie on. Blanket in lap. And enough calories for a whole month within arm’s reach.
I couldn’t even cry. I didn’t have enough tears left to spare a single one for my parents. They’d never loved me the way I needed them to, and they never would. My last hope that they could eventually be halfway decent was gone. In truth, it had been gone, really, since the moment they’d ditched me on Christmas. I just hadn’t been able to face it. The child that still dwelled at the heart of me didn’t want to accept it.
Maybe Nicky was right, and I needed to get out of here? I’d been acting small... and feeling small... for far too long. I was capable of so much more! I’d chosen to stay in sleepy little Salem to be close to everything safe and familiar; Pansy and her parents, friends from school, the streets I grew up on.
But Mary and Tony were off travelling the wide world, even with their limited magical abilities. And Pansy had married the next High Warlock of Salem. She would be in London every second week of the year, as would he. They were all okay, all taken care of—off doing what they lovedwiththe people they loved.
Maybe I should move?I pondered. Just sell up my town house and go travelling? Or maybe even rent it out and head to New York? There were jobs aplenty everywhere, and with my powerful magic, I could certainly apply for any position available and land it without trouble. So, what was holding me here now? Was I the only one holding myself back from a life of endless possibilities?
I reached into my bowl of candy and sighed, mindlessly eating my feelings, not able to face a lifetime’s worth of hurt, disappointment, and parental alienation, let alone the loss of my once-in-a-lifetime chance at love, today.Maybe tomorrow.For now, I had truckloads of sugary dopamine to binge on, and God knows... misery loves company.
Chapter 15.
Jaydy.
WHEN THERE WAS A KNOCKon my door after dinner, I trundled down the stairs in my fluffy Christmas dressing gown and opened it.
“Hello stranger,” Pansy beamed at me.
Maverick stood behind her with his characteristic smile.
“Hey guys,” I said, a genuine smile of my own reaching my lips for the first time in days. “What are you doing here? I wasn’t expecting anyone.”
“We came by to see you. Is that okay?” Pansy asked, still loitering on the door mat.
I jumped back and waved them inside. “Oh, of course. Always! You know you can just bust on in here anytime, my wards let you teleport right in, Pansy.”
Not that my best friend had ever crashed my privacy like I did hers.
