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"Hawaii it is," she finally relented, and I nodded in satisfaction.
Then she pointed to my lap. "Now make sure your erection is no longer pointing in my direction. Got that, K?"
I had ignored this detail for the last few minutes, but now that she was drawing my attention to it… "But you're the reason. Why would I hide that?"
I still had the towel around my waist. Nikau couldn't see anything– except that my body had taken a general liking to having her on my lap while she was pressed against me and my tongue was in her mouth.
"Can't you just do as you're told for once?"
I pursed my lips. Perhaps one day she would realize the irony of that statement. So instead of complying with her request, I crossed my arms and leaned back in her chair.
"Shouldn't you be packing? Do some business? Quit your lousy job?" That wasn't usually my choice of words, and I would never have used them if I hadn't been absolutely certain that Nikau knew deep down that I was right. She probably even agreed with me– why else would she make it so easy for me to convince her to return home?
A woman who didn't want to would always find a reason not to do what was asked of her. But with Nikau, all I had to do was present her with all the right stimuli to convince her she didn't want anything other than what I proposed. It wasn't manipulation– it was just deep-seated instinct whispering in my ear what she needed.
Empathy.
That was what it was called, when you could read other people's feelings and sensations without being consciously aware of their expressions. With Nika it was always easy for me. Sometimes it happened so subconsciously that I couldn't even pin it down to specific details.
Maybe I should have followed my instincts instead of waiting for the woman who was the last straw and made me want Nika back in my life. On the same island. Preferably in the same place. In my immediate vicinity. So I could get the one thing that had made me so happy before and make sure she finally opened her eyes and saw what had been right in front of her the whole time.
"I should kick your butt, Kaden. That's what I should do." And in truth, she was excited about returning to the islands, away from this place she hadn't even chosen. Maybe she was using that part as motivation. An excuse to forget about the rest of our deal for the time being.
But I was not going to let that happen.
Grinning, I held my hand out again and told her with a look that I insisted. Reluctantly, but without too much hesitation, she took my hand. "No blood this time?"
No. But the alternative, between her legs, was still too forbidden for me to commit a faux pas for which she probably wouldn't forgive me.
"The kiss is enough as a promise. For now."
Nikau
My deep-seated aversion to airplanes, heights, and small spaces with lots of people made me take my headphones out of my pocket, pull the hood of my hoodie over my head and sink into my tablet shortly after boarding the plane. At the same time, Kaden stared down at his laptop next to me, absorbed in his work.
Staring was an excellent cue here, because I wasn't doing anything else. I stared at the search bar in the browser, wondering if it wouldn't be a better idea to distract myself with a film or series. Even music was a better choice than typing something into the search engine that would pull me down a rabbit hole I wouldn't be able to get out of any time soon. Besides, Kaden was sitting right next to me. If he found out that I was searching the internet for all the words I had read about in the articles about him, he would make fun of me again– and probably point out that I could just ask him about it if I was so interested.
But it wasn't like that.
I wanted to make up my own mind, far away from what he told me. A view uninfluenced by him, because he had spent years doing all these things, while in my bedroom the most dangerous thing was that it was lit. The more research I did, the more I was actually anticipating what would be happening. Namely, the fact that in a split second I had agreed to leave my life in Iowa behind and return to Hawaii. Even if only for a short time, because I didn't want to host the search for the perfect woman in his immediate vicinity– or be available to him, as he had so strangely called it.
Admittedly, the kiss had been good. And it had reminded me of that night ten years ago when he had wrapped his hand around my neck to show me there were people who were not afraid. That wasn't the only thing I remembered, but how it felt. What it had done to me. The nervousness followed by an intense tingling sensation that shot through my whole body. It should have triggered me afterward. Caused panic. But the opposite had happened, and I had felt a similar sensation earlier when he had pressed his hand against my throat.
I straightened a little more in my seat instead of hanging over my tablet like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Kaden didn't look in my direction, but I kept thinking someone might recognize him and take a picture. I didn't want to look like a country bumpkin next to him.
I gritted my teeth and typed on the tablet.Choking. After a few seconds I realized that these were not the search results I had hoped for. The average person probably didn't associate "choking" with sex but with actually choking. That's why information about the Heimlich maneuver and other first aid measures popped up. I bit my tongue and made minimal changes to the search query, although it did take some effort to type the four letters.Choking BDSM.
Well, at least the search engine no longer disappointed me with its results, even if I was a little shocked.Dangerous. Potentially fatal. Not for beginners. Not a safe kind of power play.
But it didn't stop there, of course. Apparently, it was not uncommon for people to have themselves choked for their own pleasure. Oxygen was restricted, which automatically led to increased sexual arousal and more intense orgasms. I skimmed the paragraph listing the potential risks, just to absorb the physiological explanation. Hormones. Serotonin, dopamine, endorphins– all released at different times and then… well, basically you felt high.
The more I read, the bigger my eyes got. Anatomy. A guide to choking another person in a relatively safe manner. Consent. Rules.Aftercare. And when I finally got to the part about the so-called power play, my head was buzzing with hundreds of thoughts, questions and more words to type into the search engine.
A small voice in my head told me that choking was probably not the first thing an absolute beginner would look up. However, with no other clues to go on, and at least knowing that I was having a bit of fun withthat… I dismissed the thought and tried the search engine again. This time I typed inPower Playand learned it was better to formulate the search term directly with the addition ofBDSM, otherwise it would spit out everything but what I wanted to know.
My eyes were glued to the screen and the article, which told me that these power dynamics exist in every relationship– consciously or unconsciously. While, dominance and submissiveness were part of a sexual practice that could be played out in many ways and required a foundation of trust, communication, and safety that few people experienced with each other.
