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For my own sanity, I interrupted the train of thought and focused on what was happening in the office. I heard the other woman get up with an indignant snort. Her high heels clicked on the tiled floor as she headed for the door.
I could see on Kaden's face the exact second she left the office. Behind her, the door slammed shut as if she had to reiterate her point.
Kaden shook his head and I couldn't help but laugh. Not because I had found it so funny to spy on this woman in his office, but because she had made that cinematic exit.
"How did you know I could use your help?" he asked as his hands tightened on my thighs, pulling me further to the left with a strong jerk so he was between my legs as soon as he moved closer to the desk.
I shrugged. "It was just a coincidence, nothing more."
"Did I see jealousy on your face?"
Damn, that was a quick change of subject. And suddenly far too close to the topic I had come here for in the first place. There's no such thing as jealousy if you have no feelings for a person. If I admitted it, would he draw the right conclusions? Or would it take more than that?
"To be honest, that's exactly what I felt back at the club when I realized you'd had a thing with her."
He twisted his mouth into a grin. "Doesn't mean I'd touch her a second time. Or was particularly happy about what happened."
When he said it, it sounded damn normal, like the truth. But my brain was focused solely on the fact that he'd just been with her, and seeing her in his office now made me do things I didn't want to say out loud.
"Yet she felt the need to come here and try to do just that. And she didn't like that you turned her down either."
"That's not my problem, is it?" He looked at me urgently. He had no idea. "All those dates didn't bother you either, did they?"
"Because that was different," I countered, knowing full well that I had been manipulating them for some time. Besides, he hadn't screwed any of the women, and he wouldn't, because he was far too choosy for that.
He had proved it time and time again, and when I compared his statistics over the last few years with how long he had put up with me.
"Why this jealousy? It doesn't suit you at all. Besides, there's no reason for it."
I narrowed my eyes. There were a lot of reasons, all having to do with my stupid fear that in a few minutes this could develop in a direction that would catapult me back into my old life.
"I'm missing something here, aren't I?" asked Kaden with a healthy dose of skepticism.
Slowly I nodded. But instead of answering right away, I bit my lip and looked up at the ceiling. Why did it have to be so damn hard to talk about your feelings?
We could have endless discussions about sex and what we did in the bedroom. I could show him how I felt with subtle gestures. All that was no problem. But looking Kaden in the face and saying the words, standing naked in front of him and hoping he didn't laugh at me, took it all out of me.
"I'm jealous because…" I started and immediately stopped myself. Jealousy was not what this was really about. "I don't know how, Kaden, but somehow you've become important to me. And I'm not talking about our friendship. I'm talking about how the sex, the dating, the time we've spent together, and what you've made me realize has made me develop feelings for you. I can't send you out on any more dates because I don't want you to find someone else. You've already found me."
He stared at me as if I had suddenly started speaking Klingon. This was not good. Was it?
"I love you, Kaden," I managed to say, even though the words almost choked me.
Kaden
The words ate into my brain like acid through a surface. Suddenly, it was no longer Nikau sitting on the desk in front of me. Suddenly, I was no longer a grown man, but a child who had seen too much.
"Don't you understand I'm doing this for love?" I saw her fist flying toward his face. He didn't even raise his arms to defend himself. A split second later I heard her fist do damage.
The scene played over and over in my mind's eye, mixing with reality and making it hard for me to stay there and give Nikau the answer she deserved.
My body was going crazy. My heart was racing. I was getting hot, only to feel cold coursing through me immediately afterward. I clenched my hands into fists and pushed my desk chair back half a foot to get some distance to her and the source that had brought the memory to light in the first place.
I swallowed and shook my head. The rational part of me knew Nikau would never do such a thing. But the irrational part… it only saw my mother using those words as an excuse to justify her violence.
So it was not the meaning of the words that almost made me jump and run, but the memory I associated with them.
It took me a few moments to see clearly again. Until Nikau's face moved into my field of vision and was no longer overshadowed by my parents, who had not even noticed my presence on so many evenings.
