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"You should go," I groaned.
If I could just get them out of my sight and regain control of my senses, I could handle this.
"Go? Did you hear what I just said?"
"Yes, and I don't want to hear it!" The answer was too harsh. It was too harsh because I already knew we were both completely lost.
But I just couldn't hear the words. Not from her mouth. Not from anyone's mouth, really. All this time I hadn't thought I might find myself in this situation. It hadn't worried me. But apparently that had been a mistake. A bloody mistake that was now catching up with me.
My ears were ringing, so I blinked. I also remembered Kaia– and how much she'd heard about our parents' problems, though I'd always tried to make sure she didn't notice. At some point, my limited ability to lie to her had failed.
"Do you really want me to go now, Kaden?"
I nodded. "Yes. Leave me alone so I can… forget this."
If I could erase the memories of my childhood and what my parents had done to each other with the push of a button, I would do it right now, because then I wouldn't feel the way I did.
I could not even look at her properly. Again and again my gaze blurred as the memory came to the fore and demanded my full attention.
How sick was it that this one word of all things had triggered me so strongly that I would probably soon see the room from the side if things continued to go crazy like this?
"Can you please talk to me, K?" The pleading in her voice made me grimace. My eyes narrowed. How was I going to explain this to her? Talk to her when I could barely think of anything other than what her words had brought out in me?
I would have much rather reacted directly to that than to what it had done to me. I didn't want her to think it was her fault. That she was the cause of my body reacting with panic instead of joy. Or whatever you wanted to call it.
"Please, let's talk about this," she continued. "Or at least tell me what's wrong with you. I'm worried."
Whenever we had talked about it before, it had never been a problem. So I had no idea where this reaction was coming from. I could not justify it. All I knew was that Nikau had to disappear from my office so I could breathe more freely. So I could regain control of my body and my mind.
If she didn't leave voluntarily, I had to get out. Outside. Preferably to the other end of the resort, or at least far enough away that it no longer felt like there were weights on my chest.
"No offence, but I need to put some distance between us," I groaned, rising just enough to brace myself against the desk, push past it and head for the door.
"Kaden!" she screamed. Desperate. Outraged. A little angry.
But she didn't follow me. That was good. Wasn't it? On the way out, I realized it was not good. It felt wrong. Running away felt wrong. But I had already taken the first steps. Turning back was out of the question.
Besides, the physical distance would help me. Even out in the fresh air I could breathe more freely again. But the memory still danced at the edge of my vision, even when Kaia came toward me.
Another angry woman in my life. Wonderful.
"Have you lost your mind or why are you acting like a lunatic?" she asked, grabbing my upper arms and preventing me from walking away, leaving her standing there.
"Nika…"
"Loves you, I know. That's why you shouldn't be out here. You should be in there. Kissing her. Or fucking on your desk, whatever the right answer is."
I shook my head. "I shouldn't."
"You should. Because you love her too."
"I know."
"You… know? Then there's all the more reason to be in there."
"I can't do it."
"Sure you can. And you will. Because if you don't, I'll kill you myself." The threat made me snort.
