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Kaia was probably right about more than just that. If I was going to have a semi-panic attack every time someone used the word love in the proper context, maybe I needed to see a psychologist to fix the broken part of my brain. Or whatever a therapist's job was.
I looked back toward the house. As much as I would have liked to say that I only had bad memories of this place, it was not true. In fact, there were just as many good ones. Most of them had to do with Kaia and Nikau or my father, but they had existed. And without all that history, I probably wouldn't be where I was today. I wouldn't have a luxury resort and I certainly wouldn't have fulfilled this dream… I didn't want to sugarcoat it. But the experience I had seemed to have had a positive effect on me.
"Kaden… I think there's a problem."
I turned my head, taking in the pale expression on her face, already sensing trouble. "What kind of problem?"
"When Nikau and I spoke this morning, she said that if the conversation with you failed, I would have to buy her a plane ticket."
"But it didn't fail," I replied irritably.
"You told her to go away so you could forget all about it. I wouldn't exactly call that successful." Why did she sound angry now?
"My mother's voice covered everything else. Yes. I wanted to forget her."
"But you didn't tell her that."
"Of course not."
"Wonderful. Then you better hope she's not on a plane yet, because when she couldn't reach me, she just went to the airport herself."
"She what?"
I reached for Kaia's phone, wishing for her to drive at last. Although I didn't call Nikau from my mobile, she didn't answer. Either she didn't want to talk to Kaia or she was already on a plane. I hadn't thought about my choice of words and had made another mistake that I would regret once I got her home.
"When you were asked how much you wanted to do wrong today, you just said yes and nodded, right?" Of course, Kaia still had a stupid line on her lips.
But at least she did me a favor and took us to the airport by the quickest route. Nikau was not to leave the island under any circumstances– because I would not survive another trip to Iowa. Culturally, and because she would probably strangle me with her bare hands if she found me on my knees begging on her doorstep.
* * *
At lunchtimethe airport was a living hell. Not only was it taken over by tourists, and the shuttles to the hotels were waiting everywhere, no. The very active islanders were also ready with leis to welcome the new arrivals.
All this did not make it any easier for me to find Nikau. Especially as she was not answering my calls or those of Kaia.
A glance at the departure board reassured me that the next flight to Iowa wasn't for a few hours, but as I understood Kaia, Nikau didn't care where the flight went this morning– the main thing was to get off the island. Away from me.
For the first time since that moment in the car, I felt something like desperation rising in me. If she'd really left, I would have to drag her back to O'ahu, no matter what. There was no way she would leave me now that we were on the same side. I just had to explain it to her.
But to do that, I had to find her. Kaia was also trying to find her. But we ran into each other again before we got close to Nikau.
And the fact that Kaia shook her head as soon as we were in sight didn't seem to be a good sign either.
"She's not here," she began as soon as we were close enough. "But she hasn't left the island either. She still doesn't want to see you."
"Did you tell her that?"
"You can tell her yourself."
"You just said she doesn't want to see me."
"Not at the moment. Maybe she'll change her mind and you'll get a chance. And if you don't take it, maybe you should consider letting the vet…" She left the sentence unfinished and shrugged. "You should have just stayed with her. That would have been the best thing for all of us." Almost motherly, Kaia patted my shoulder. "Let's go home."
I gritted my teeth and started to move. But the feeling that spread through my chest took my breath away. This bottomless abyss that threatened to swallow me was worse than the panic attack I had felt earlier.
Not even when I had watched her leave Hawaii with her family had it felt as bad as it did now. It didn't help that Kaia was trying to comfort me.
I didn't even know what to be angry at. Myself for using the wrong words and leaving her in the dark? Nikau, because she just wanted to run away? My parents, because they were responsible for the problem that had led to the situation in the first place? Or just the universe, because it had dealt me these cards and was laughing at the way I had handled them?
