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"But it's true, isn't it?"
"No."
"Then why did we stop?"
"Because I used a safe word when I wasn't comfortable with the direction things were going. That doesn't mean that just because you were crying I wouldn't touch you again." On the contrary. If it helped dry those tears for good, I'd keep touching until that happened.
Only in the rarest of cases was this the solution to a problem.
"Okay. But I didn't mean to put you in a difficult position."
"I know. You don't have to worry about it, Audrey. Nothing happened."
She was silent for a few minutes. She was neither fighting the tears nor trying to hide them from me. In between, I raised my hand and wiped her wet cheek, only to hold her tighter afterward, so she wouldn't forget that she didn't have to face this alone.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I finally asked, which she denied with a simple shake of her head.
"But I'd still like to feel you inside me again, Lei. Just maybe... no restraints, no beatings, and no other experiments."
I ran my fingers through her hair and nodded with a feeling of full understanding. As someone who had also used sex as therapy, I could hardly deny her that.
"Then you decide what happens."
She turned around in my arms, pressing her back against my chest and her butt against my hips in a delightful way. The friction alone made me curse inwardly.
"Are you even capable of having normal sex?" she asked, already hitting the naughty undertone I was used to from her. I put a hand on her hip, grabbed it and followed the movement she made repeatedly.
As if it was a coincidence. Only it wasn't.
But she was asking the wrong question. The question wasn't whether I could do this, but whether I was still willing to give her what she needed, regardless of my own needs, which I otherwise wanted to see fulfilled. If she really thought I was capable of being selfish with her....
"Don't worry, I can make you scream in other ways. And in a tender way. Restrained. I can tease your clit and your breasts while you continue to rub your ass against me or help me slide inside you. So many possibilities. You just have to name them." I lowered my mouth to her exposed neck and kissed her. Slowly, in a gentle way that had certainly never been done before in this bed.
In general, I could not remember having sex like this in the last few years. Audrey, however, was not a woman I took home once and never saw again. I cared about her. I wanted her to be okay. I wanted her to be free of whatever was holding her back. That she wouldn't get into a situation again where she would be shamed for her preferences.
It was all the more important to me that she recognized me for what I was to her. A safe place where someone else kept the bitter reality away from her.
Audrey
With my shoulders hunched up to my ears, I jammed the key into the door and pushed it open quietly, hoping not to meet anyone. I didn't get far, because before I could sneak up the stairs, I heard the door to my father's office slam shut.
The next thing I knew, I stopped dead in my tracks.
"Audrey!"
I made a face and turned around. At the bottom of the stairs stood my father, aged at least ten years overnight, with a worry line between his eyebrows and a frown line on his forehead. Why had it even been an option to go home?
"Daddy," I said. A term of endearment I hadn't used for at least fifteen years– because I wasn't a little girl anymore, and I had come to know many other sides of my father. Not all of them to my liking.
Still, disappointment flashed across his face, and I knew it wouldn't be easy to convince him that things were different from what he thought.
"Please tell me where you've been for the last twenty-four hours? Why we haven't heard from you? Why you decided, for God's sake, not to marry Alexander? And that's after all we've done to prepare for this."
None of these questions came as a surprise, but at first I had no answer.
"I'm waiting, Audrey," he continued. The pressure on my shoulders increased because I could not tell him that Alexander had discovered my secret and no longer wanted me. I couldn't tell him that the wedding had fallen through because of our different sexual preferences and that I had spent the rest of the night with Lei. With him inside me, because somehow that was exactly what I needed, without even knowing it.
"Don't you think I'm old enough to decide on my own?" I said. This was not what he wanted to hear. Definitely not.
