AllFreeNovel
Share Us
It wasn't supposed to be. "I thought I was fine. But last night I realized I'm not. And it's not even because of the wedding."
"He's an asshole, if we're being completely honest. And your family's behavior doesn't seem any better to me."
Sighing, I dropped my bag, walked the few feet to the couch, and sank down on it. Lei stopped exactly where he had been before. He didn't even change his position.
"Last night I wanted to stream," I began, not mentioning that I had to buy new equipment first.
"I didn't get any notification." He sounded irritated.
"Because I wasn't streaming." I replied quickly, so he wouldn't even get the idea that I had cut him off from the service.
A wrinkle appeared on his forehead. "What stopped you? The place?"
Trying hard, I couldn't fight the urge to fold my arms across my chest. I didn't want to shut Lei out, but I needed the reassurance of my own body. "No. What Alexander said. I know it shouldn't have any effect, but what I've built over the last few years has always been a safe place where I didn't have to pretend or be afraid. Now he knows my secret, he's made his opinion known, and I can't help but think that other viewers might share his opinion. Or that he's told all his friends about it and now they're going to humiliate me when I go live again."
Speaking about it did me good. Much more than I had expected. Lei listened then settled down next to me on the couch. This was certainly not the conversation we should have had, and yet he patiently took his time.
"Then don't do it until you feel comfortable with it again. He took something that wasn't his. I understand your hesitation. But please don't let it limit you or hold you back. Not when you're so close to freedom."
Freedom. Was it because I was no longer close to my family? Did Lei just have a better overview of the whole situation?
"You mean you want me to take a break? What will happen in the meantime?"
"In the meantime, get your confidence back. I'm not going to tell you that you don't have to be afraid of this rejection that you're so afraid of. Because that wouldn't make a difference. You have to be aware of that certainty."
The way he looked at me as he spoke, he was going to do a lot to help me regain my confidence soon. I unknotted my arms, leaned back, and finally nodded. Just this afternoon, I had told him I needed more than just a friend– here we were, and he was proving to me almost effortlessly that he could be just that.
"Let me guess, you already have a detailed plan for how this is going to work."
"Maybe I was going to invite you to the club. But somehow it feels like breaching in unannounced." It was an embarrassed grin that appeared on his lips.
"The club?" If he thought I wanted to go dancing and get drunk tonight... he wasn't entirely wrong, even if I didn't necessarily need a club for that.
"You really don't know it, do you?"
"What?" I groaned. "Lei, I'm not psychic!"
"The sex club."
Snorting, I shook my head. "How would I know it? I stream on the Internet. I don't walk the streets of Honolulu looking for a club to have sex in."
"Theoretically, you can do that in any club," he replied amusedly. "But in this club, the focus is on the different kinks. It's a community. A safe place for anyone whose preferences don't fall into the vanilla category."
"Because everyone likes vanilla and the rest is more for special tastes?"
"You could put it that way, yes."
"I hate vanilla." Laughing, I leaned forward– not sure if I was just talking about the taste or if I was including sex as well.
Lei stifled a laugh. "The question is, do you want to go with me, or is it too much for you all at once?"
"If you promise me that we'll leave as soon as I feel like I can't take it anymore. And there are no rules. I can do whatever I want?"
"Why should I tell you what to do there? It's a sex club, you want an unbiased experience, and besides, I'm not the one who wants to tell you what to do." Was he a little miffed that I even dared to ask?
I moved closer to him. "Just to be clear... you're still my date and willing to take me through the entire menu if I want?"
In my mind, there wasn't a single scenario that didn't involve Lei. That was the problem– even if we visited this club, I would probably have little interest in getting involved with another man when Lei was right next to me and he was the one I actually wanted more from.
