Page 77 of F*ck You in My Head


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The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as he brushed his thumb across my cheek.

Without noticing, he wrapped two fingers around the handle, pulled it out of my mouth a little, then pushed it back in. He pushed my tongue down, slid it deeper, and then pulled it out again. This time almost completely.

Usually it was his cock that entered my mouth not the handle of a knife. Breathing shallowly, I looked at him, unable to feel anything other than the pure tension that held me captive.

This was not sexy for me. It didn't make me wet. But the fire in his eyes told me he liked it. Lei enjoyed seeing me in this deliberately insecure state. Knowing that he was in full control and could do whatever he wanted. Because I trusted him, we had talked about it and I had a safe word that if I used it, he would immediately stop what he was doing.

On and on he fucked my mouth with the knife. Even then, when I put my head back a little and watched him from under my eyelashes. He made no effort to hide what was going on inside him. Intimidating me, playing on my fear and later my sense of pain, would fill him in a way that only other parts of him had ever done before. And I couldn't wait to see how that would play out. To the rest of the night, to our relationship, to the future.

Lei never let the knife go so deep into my mouth that it hurt me or triggered my gag reflex. But soon he pulled it out, looked at the wet wood, and then placed it on the countertop next to us.

Then he pulled me down, turned me around, and bent me over so my hips were resting against the edge and my upper body rested on the work surface. The cool material made me shiver. It didn't get any better when Lei rubbed against me from behind, letting me feel how hard his erection pressed against the fabric of his pants.

I held my breath, swallowing and wondering if this was the moment I would ask him to just fuck me. Against my better judgment, I would ask that question, knowing full well he would not deviate from his plans for tonight.

In one fluid motion, I stretched my arms out in front of me, holding onto the opposite ledge and resting my head on my arms. At the same time, I pushed up on my toes and pressed back against his loins. I rocked my hips to enjoy the delicious way the fabric rubbed against my midsection.

"Remember all those naughty things you said to me?" he demanded in a raspy voice.

This was supposed to be the moment I snorted and rolled my eyes, but a small voice in the back of my head told me not to push it.

"Not really. I say a lot in the heat of the moment."

"And for many of them, I would have liked to put you over my knee so you could learn the consequences."

"And yet you never did.

"Because you had puppy protection."

Puppy protection. We both knew he had taken me into consideration, because otherwise everything we had done together could have quickly gone in a completely different direction. And then we wouldn't be standing here tonight, and I wouldn't have let him play with a knife on me.

"Then I guess that's used up if you're thinking about punishing me. For all the times I just couldn't keep my mouth shut. This is going to hurt, isn't it?" How depraved was I that I could hear my own voice saying that I was secretly looking forward to being at Lei's mercy?

His fingertips slid over my bottom. "I wouldn't put it that dramatically."

The last word was barely out of his mouth when his hand moved lower, pushing between my legs and forcing me to open them for him. With all my weight on my upper body, I spread my legs wide enough so that from his position he not only saw my ass, but also had the best view of my middle.

His hand was still pressed flat against it, but since he was reaching for the knife, it was only a matter of seconds before he would follow the next step of his initiation ritual.

First, he slid the blade across my ass so I could feel the light bite of the knife. He didn't cut me– not a drop of blood came out of my skin. Still, I was more than aware of how easily the knife could cut if he increased the pressure just a little.

But he did nothing of the sort, just went deeper and deeper until I felt the rounded tip of the handle at my entrance and gasped.

"Surprised? What do you think I meant by inaugurating my knife with your wetness? A metaphor?" His deep laugh made me shudder and ensured that the first inch he penetrated me caught me completely off guard.

It felt wrong. So wrong. On more than one level– knives were not made for this kind of play. He shouldn't be able to penetrate me with one and create excitement and arousal in me.

I was supposed to be scared, not tiptoeing around to give him the best possible access. None of this was supposed to be fun for me, and yet I found myself moaning as the handle of the knife pressed against the right spot inside me, sliding over it and making me feel the unique texture.

I tensed up. This was just wrong. Wasn't it?

"Don't fight it, Audrey. I'm going to get what I want from you either way," he murmured right next to my ear before he started to really fuck me with the handle of the knife.

I could feel every inch, and whenever he touched that one spot inside me, my muscles automatically tightened. The grip wasn't even close to enough, it didn't fill me the way I needed it to, and yet... yet I felt my body ready to give Lei exactly what he wanted.

Was it the rhythm? His knowledge of my body? The adrenaline? The forbidden aspect?

"You're still resisting. If these were my fingers inside you, the orgasm would have taken you long ago. Are you afraid of what will happen to you when you come? Are you afraid that your relationship with your arousal will become even darker than it already is?"

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