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“Yep.” Bennett leaned back, slouching against the uncomfortable chair. And that summed up the man who had procreated him. Nothing had more significance than whatever Chip wanted at the moment. “Doesn’t seem to matter. He and Mindi are going to Europe. It’s planned. They’re leaving. That’s the end of it.” Bennett paused, considering carefully how much he should tell his mom about her ex-husband’s senseless life. Maybe not too much. Mom had reached a place of release where Dad was concerned. She didn’t need anything to re-root resentment.
Of course, this conversation would likely do exactly that without Bennett’s mentioning that Dad was ready to end his second marriage and seemed to have no qualms about doing so.
Mom shifted her stare to the window above Bennett’s shoulder, likely watching the birds that chattered at the feeder in her flower bed. “What will you do?”
“I don’t know.” Bennett set the mug on the table beside the worn chair and leaned his elbows against his knees. “At first I thoughtno way. But . . .“ Was he truly considering this? Who was he to take on two teenage kids? He had zero experience in parenting at any level, and he was barely getting his life together in a way that he could respect for himself. Not to mention Hazel. What would she think?
What on earth washethinking?
“But Nathan and Gemma might need you,” Mom said softly.
That was what he was thinking. Bennett met her gentle gaze. “Do you think so?” Maybe he wasn’t being arrogantly foolish.
She nodded. “Who else do they have?”
Rubbing his forehead, Bennett allowed her words to penetrate deep. It was like a confirmation of the impression of God’s leading—one that terrified Bennett.
“They need to see a godly man, Bennett.”
“I’m hardly a poster boy for that.” His heart sank into his gut. If he’d not chosen a life of resentment and wild abandon, maybe he’d be a better candidate. But he couldn’t change the years he’d spent living exactly like the man who was piling frustration on him now.
“You are not who you were a year ago.”
Could Mom read his mind?
“I see God’s work in your life,” she continued.
Mom’s high praise filled in equal parts gratitude and guilt. If she knew how he’d been failing—living in the flesh, especially with his physical relationship with Hazel—earlier that year, she wouldn’t say that. Truth was, he’d messed up everything with Hazel, and it hadn’t taken him long to do it.
Weak!
He couldn’t help but wonder if he hadn’t slept with her, would she’d see him as a more honorable man now? One she would feel safe marrying?
Instead she saw him as live-in-boyfriend material. One not trustworthy with a promise of a lifetime. A ripple of ache ran through his chest as he replayed her rejection on the dock.
“I’m not the kind of girl who marries.”The way her eyes had burned as she’d stared at him and their argument that had followed . . . It was all still as fresh as the crisp Montana air. But not nearly as pleasant.
The thing was, he’d done this. He’d set them up for failure the moment he’d caved to his physical passion. How could Hazel believe he’d honestly become a better man when he had chosen desire for the moment rather than faithfulness to his convictions?
Just like Chip.
It made him want to cry. To tear his clothes and sit in ashes. Literally. Because now he suddenly understood why remorse provoked that sort of response. It came powerfully, from the depths of his soul, a physical outpouring of how he felt deep inside.
Wretched. Dirty. Broken.
God, cleanse this filthy life.
God had promised He would do that. But He wasn’t obligated to remove the natural consequences of Bennett’s willful indulgences. Even so, Bennett’s repeated prayer over the past weeks had been exactly for that.Please set us right . . .
“I see you, Bennett.” Mom spoke tenderly into his remorse.
Though his eyes burned, he dragged his gaze from his feet and dared to meet his mother’s.
Only compassion stared back at him. “I know that you’ve stumbled—I don’t need to know the details. But I also see your remorse. Godly people don’t live perfect lives—even though they strive for it. What they do is repent. Whatever it is, however you’ve stumbled, you are sorry, and I know it. That is a far cry from the stubborn, arrogant man who lived only for himself just a short while ago.” She leaned forward. “You are changed, son. Don’t let the old man intrude on this decision. Don’t let guilt lead you away from a holy calling. If God is asking you to take in your siblings, then do it. No matter what you’ve done in the past.”
Bennett swallowed the hard lump in his throat as a single tear escaped the corner of his eye. The events of the past several weeks—and his own failures that had triggered the cascade of them—had his emotions bowed to the snapping point.
“Bennett?” Concern saturated Mom’s tone. “Is there something more?”
