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I try to push away the negative thoughts, but they only seem to get stronger and stronger with each passing second until finally, it overwhelms me completely.
I slowly roll away from her and turn over on my side, facing away from her.
Iara stiffens beside me.
"I better make sure the fire's good for the night," I lie as I pull on clothes and pretend to busy myself.
I can’t bear to look at Iara who I know is taking this all to heart. I feel guilty for the coldness I'm showing her, but right now, it's the only thing that's going to keep me from caving to her. I just can't do that to myself. I can't.
16
IARA
The cold, biting air cuts through the morning silence, rousing me from a deep slumber. I gradually become aware of my surroundings, the rocky outcrop we've made our temporary refuge. My eyes open, and for a brief, surreal moment, I'm nuzzled against Rylan's warmth.
But the moment he wakes, he unwraps his arm from around me. Suddenly I’m very cold, and he won’t even look me in the eyes. When he finally does, he’s distant and guarded. The tension in his body speaks of a different resolve. He draws away from me, the connection we'd briefly shared dissipating like morning mist.
Silence.
He sighs, his eyes a mix of determination and reluctance. “Iara, we've been playing this game all wrong. This trial is meant to be each person for themselves.” He gets up out of bed and starts to suit up. “I think I've been allowing our connection to cloud my judgment. That’s on me, and for that I apologize.”
His words hit me like a punch to the gut. It's true I was starting to catch feelings for him, but I hadn't realized it was affecting him to this extent. He's distancing himself from me,not because he wants to, but because he believes it's what he needs to do to win.
The realization leaves me with a sense of loss and frustration, but I can't blame him for his decision. This race has pushed us to our limits, and in the end, it's about individual survival. I nod, understanding his point. Part of me wants to demand answers, to ask what changed and plead for us to work through this.
But the truth is, we were never officially together.
As much as it hurts, I have no right to ask for his reasons or fight to hold on.
"Alright," I reply, my voice steady. "I get it. We both need to focus on winning in our own way."
Rylan's expression eases slightly, as if he expected a different reaction. “Iara, it's not that I don't… Nevermind. We’ve come too far to let this little infatuation cost us the race. That is all. I appreciate your candor.”
I nod again, trying to hide the pain his words cause.
My candor?
A heavy silence hangs in the space between us as we gather up our meager belongings. I avoid meeting his eyes, focusing intently on rolling up my bedroll and stowing my gear.
His movements are brisk and efficient as he straps on his pack, eyes fixed on the trail ahead.
The easy rapport we'd built over the past days vanished with the night. There are no joking quips or subtle glances. Just tense, smothering quiet.
I shrug my own pack onto my shoulders, securing the straps and pulling them tighter and with more force than necessary. He stands ready at the edge of our camp, frost lingering in his beard.
He’s so cold now, so detached from the man who tenderly held me just hours before.
A pit of doubt forms in my stomach.Did I imagine the connection between us? Was it only brought on by the struggle we endured?
We set off in tense silence, picking our way carefully down the hazardous slope.
Though we're no longer joined by necessity, an unspoken agreement keeps us traveling together for now. These cliffs are too treacherous to descend alone.
But gradually, as the terrain levels out into more navigable ridges and valleys, the time approaches when our paths will diverge. I steel myself, trying to bury the ache of loss I feel.
Rylan pauses at an offshoot in the trail, giving me a brief, inscrutable look. "This is where we part ways. I recommend looping around the mountain and returning the way you came. Stay safe, Iara."
I knew it was coming, but it’s still a slap in the face. Treating me like some kind of traveling companion just to part ways with at the first junction once I’ve proven myself unworthy.
