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Right now, I have another, far more important decision ahead of me. The trail is splitting into two distinct paths. I pull out the map and study it. One goes straight up, the other meanders out and back. Based on the topography marks, it gets pretty steep here.
Different day, same choice. Well, last time I chose steep and fast, and Rylan had to rescue me. That isn’t going to happen here. Odds are pretty much everyone is far ahead of me today. And people who didn’t make it to the last camp yesterday will not be coming up behind me. I really am on my own, with – thanks, Renxel – no other navigation tools.
I put the map back in my pocket and turn left. Safe and slow, that’s what it has to be. If Rylan was here I would trust his judgment.
But he’s not,I remind myself harshly.
I walk for a while, turning back frequently to try to build some familiarity with the woods. There is nothing distinctive, just trees and more trees.
At one point, I stop and stare for several minutes, trying to find something I can recognize. There are no fallen limbs, no gashes made in a trunk. That is probably a good thing, I don’t need a large Kiphian beast stalking me, hoping for a tasty meal.
The trail gets smaller and smaller. I keep looking back. Then at one point, I look back and I can’t see the trail anymore. The slim, bare path of dirt is gone.
I almost spin around looking wildly but catch myself just in time. Carefully, I fix my gaze on a tree and turn my lower body. When my feet are pointed almost in the other direction, I turn my head slowly. This is exactly the direction that I came from. The trail should be right there.
It’s not.
I take a few steps forward, peeking through the trees. Nothing.
This is bad, very bad. I take my pack off and sink down to my butt. I finger the zipper on the pocket. The pocket I haven’t opened since the race started.
“Oh, no.”
I rip the pocket open and pull out the emergency comm. A sigh of relief escapes me. For a second, I thought Renxel might have taken that, too.
I don’t want to quit. But what choice do I really have?
21
RYLAN
Imust have been out of my mind.
The full reality of my regret hits me all at once. Like the slight wisps of snow that slap me in the face with every step I take. They’re a stinging brutal reminder that for as much as I know about this mountain, when it comes to fated mates, I’m as lost as Iara.
There’s very little to go on for finding her, either.
Dusk claims the remnants of light that cling to the ridges around me. I know if I don’t find her soon, I’ll lose my chance. She could die out here. Any aspirant could. And if she has herself comm-rescued, she’ll be airlifted out of the competition, and my life, forever.
There’s only one thing to do about it. Fortifying myself against the wind, I head back in the most likely direction she could be. The crunch of my boots against the gravel path winds into quick pacing that churns the rhythm of my heart back to Iara.
None of this would have happened, of course, if I had just told her how I felt. If I hadn't been so dead set that we, thatshe, was bringing me down. How could I have been so stupid?
The pit of my stomach burns with fire, and though I’m aching and cold and longing for shelter, I know it’s her I must salvage. Iara must be brought to shelter. There’s a truth inside me now I have no choice but to face. She strengthens me. The very thought of her unable to help herself fuels the fire of devotion with every step I take. How did I not see it before?
Somewhere in the darkest parts of my mind, my trauma speaks, defending itself against a lifetime of disappointment on my mother’s face. With every town we left and every town we entered, my father’s optimism that he’d finally found the right dig took precedence over all other matters of our lives.
But it occurs to me, I realize as I gather my strength for the next switchback, that I’m not my father. Iara’s not an unwilling participant in my life, any more than my mother was in hers.
I’m not Maxe, either. I don't judge him for what he did, not now, but while there’s still breath in my lungs and blood in my veins, I won't stop until I know she’s safe.
It’s a choice only I can make.
Just when my resolve has reached its pitch, I feel the lingering sensation that I’m being watched.
“Never mind that now,” I tell myself, the comfort of my own voice my only shield against the cold.
There has to be a way to find her. In a beat of breath, I stop in my tracks and take a minute to gather my reserve. Closing my eyes, I know if I want to see her, I have to concentrate.
