AllFreeNovel
Share Us
How much will it hurt if I intentionally do it? I ask myself as I make the motion of slicing against the length of my forearm.
When I accidentally cut my finger the other day, I couldn’t help but notice how stark the blood looked on my pale skin. It resembled a red silk ribbon tied around my finger. Although it stung, there was a bizarre beauty to it. The release of pain mixed with pleasure, the kind that makes you breathe lighter.
“Krista? Are you okay? Did you cut yourself again?” a fellow worker asks me, already holding up a cloth.
“Oh, I’m fine, Krella. Thank you. I was just making sure the edges were even,” I lie so he will leave me alone.
He looks at me oddly. “But… you were holding it on your skin.”
I respond quickly. “It’s to see the edges better.”
“Okay… if you say so.”
Finally, they go off to get more materials on the other side of the forge. It’s the second time someone almost caught me doing weird things to my body. I have to be careful of my actions unless I want to be punished for being a defective slave.
I put the dagger back on the board to keep cleaning it. Day in and day out, it’s the same routine out here. The occasional cuts and burns are what make this monotony feel different. Maybe it even reminds me that I still exist and still have feelings in my body.
Whatever’s inside went numb a while ago.
The smoke, the clanking of ore, metal, and wood, the dirt that somehow sneaks underneath my fingernails – it’s the same picture every day.
When I hurt myself, accidentally or not, it’s like a little snap back to reality. It's my body’s way of saying, “You’re here, you exist.” However, that’s really all that speaks to me.
I’m surviving, that’s all. I’m left with no choice but to do this routine work and start all over again. I don’t know for how long. I guess until I meet with the goddess Atia.
I sigh as I look up at the large sky.Now I’m praying to the naga’s gods. I don’t even know if I believe in any of them at this point.
My eyes water, my reality settling in nicely at the bottom of my heart. I’m starting to question if I just woke up one day and suddenly was thrown into the forge. Memories of before slowly fade away as they’re replaced by days when I have an accident or make a mistake.
I force a smile to change my mood.Chin up, I’m sure there’ll be better days I’ll see.
But those very thoughts are futile. It’ll be the same thing I’ll repeat this week, this month, this year. Year after year after year.
I clench my fists and reach for the dagger again, looking around just in case. With the tip, I embed it on my palm, barely making a dent. The hand holding the dagger shakes, and I realize that this is also how I cope. I have no other outlet but myself.
I put it back down, wiping it again from my sweat. With a sigh, I sit down to gather my spiraling thoughts and keep working.
“Eyes up front, men!” A gruff and thunderous voice brings me back in focus.
I slightly jump and turn at the commotion nearby. It’s the naga royal captain of the guard, Lasta.
I wonder what he's doing with this unit today. Usually, the soldiers don’t pass by the forge unless it’s to collect their weapons. Even then, their weapons are sent directly to their barracks.
“Dazu, Areku! Your formations are sloppy!” Lasta bellows at them.
The naga, Lasta, yells at them to quickly fix their posture and keep marching forward. Lasta walks on the side of the walkway visible to me. He marches alongside them, making sure no one’s out of place.
Krella suddenly sneaks up behind me and startles me.
“What are they doing over here? The soldiers almost never come,” he points out, staring in awe.
“I don’t know. Maybe pick up their weapons?”
Irian joins in now. “No, they are doing palace runs. Don’t stare at them, and get back to work.”
We scramble back to our spots, but I can’t help but sneak a peek at Lasta. I take notice of how large and brutish he is. I’ve never seen a naga with his coloring, fit for the royal guard’s captain. Not to mention that he has muscles that could snap a tree in half.
Lasta turns his gaze towards me and I freeze, feeling the intensity of his sharp gaze. For a split second, I believe I see a smirk before he turns away. However, he still side-eyes me, not once breaking eye contact.
