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“Would it be okay if I didn’t say? There are lots of answers, and all of them are…distasteful.”
He nodded. “We’re all entitled to our secrets. It’s one of the few things that belong just to us. Yes, you don’t have to tell me.” He kissed my forehead. “Friends respect each other’s boundaries. Or at least we dosometimes. I don’t always, but I will this time.”
The thing about talking when I should have been sleeping was at some point, my mind wanted to shut off, even if it couldn’t. I could get weird, rambling, and not even know what I was saying half the time. Like I was asleep and talking…but not, because I was actually awake.
I’d learned over the years to just shut down when that happened, so I didn’t say things I would later regret. I snuggled down against him, and he shut off the light, leaving the room dark except for the flashing of the television. He changed the channel twice, finally landing on a black and white movie that featured a man on a horse. I didn’t know what it was and I supposed I could ask, but my brain didn’t want to work anymore.
If I were this shut down, why couldn’t I sleep? It was so…frustrating. His breathing evened out, and I looked over to see he’d shut his eyes. That was good. I was glad that Max could actually get some sleep. I stared at the screen some more, trying and failing to make sense of the movie. Finally, I picked up his remote and turned it off. He didn’t budge, which was goodbecause sometimes, the sudden onset of silence registered as loud and disturbing to me.
I stared into the darkness. It was nice not to be alone. His breathing was even, not disturbing, and he didn’t move around or jar me in any way. I’d never shared a bed like this. The hours passed, slowly. Some nights were fast, but this wasn’t one of them.
Eventually, I lulled into being able to sleep, sort of. It was a funny kind of a thing on nights like this. I could sleep, but I was conscious of doing it, so it didn’t make me feel particularly rested. I drifted on a boat, but it was like I’d put myself there. I could stop at any time. It wasn’t fun, and I almost wished I hadn’t done it at all. But the not dream continued, so I hoped it would transfer into actual sleep.
His alarm went off, interrupting my pseudo sleeping, and I lifted my head as he rolled over to turn it off. “Sorry.” He sort of grunted as he spoke. “I should have told you. I always get up early.”
I rubbed my eyes, trying to smile. Not sleeping was hard but it wasn’t his fault, and I needed to not act like a psycho grump woman he’d rather not see again. I liked being friends with him, even if it didn’t end in the sex I’d wanted. If anything, he was really upstanding to not push it when I was clearly not ready. “That’s okay. I have things to do.”
He tugged on the end of my hair until I looked at him. “You okay? Did I keep you up? I didn’t mean to fall asleep without you. Guess you are warm and soothing, Hope.”
I shook my head, trying to stifle a yawn. “No one has ever called me that. Just give me one second to pull myself together, and I’ll get out of your hair.”
He sat up, pulling me against him. “Are you under the impression that I’m kicking you out? Eat breakfast with me and come to the gym. We can say goodbye later.”
Now he had my full attention. Well, the best I could give it before I’d caffeinated through this haze of a morning that I could already tell was going to be one of those days. “I don’t have anything to wear to workout. I’m going to exit this apartment in the dress I wore here. It is a great dress, but not conducive to the gym.”
He laughed as he got out of bed. For all that he didn’t sleep very much, he woke up in a much better mood than me. That could be an aggravating quality, and maybe the first thing about Max that I wasn’t sure I could get behind.Of course, it might also be because my middle name might as well be grumpy this morning. Hope Grumpy Radford.
“Okay. We’ll go back to your place, grab you some clothes, then go to the gym. All of that, though, after we eat.” He was already halfway out of the room when he said the last bit.
“You’re big on this gym thing, aren’t you?”
“Oh,” he called back to me. “You must go to the gym, Hope.”
I managed to pull myself out of the bed and put on my dress, which looked a lot less pretty this morning. I did go to the gym. I hated every second, but I did it. I couldn’t love food as much as I did, wear the clothes I needed to be seen in, and not do some kind of exercise, but I hated it. Despised the gym like I was being forced to participate in torture every week.
Layla loved to run, and as much as I couldn’t get over all the hugely positive changes that happened to her since she got together with Zeke, running was not one I could understand.
The smell of coffee wafted into the room, and it made me move a little bit faster. I didn’t know that I was up for a whole big meal, and I really wasn’t sure on the gym thing. I might just tell him a resoundingno. But I’d take the coffee. I’d never say no to that.
He stood at the stove, and as I entered the room, a second smell overtook the coffee. He was making eggs. I loved eggs. Mystomach rumbled. Maybe I’d have to reconsider the not eating bit. Max stepped away from the pan, giving me a view of his backside.
There was no doubt he was a beautiful man, probably at least in part because he hated the gym less than me, since it was part of his morning routine.
“Cream?” he asked over his shoulder. “Milk? Sugar? Sweet and low?”
I’d spent the night in his bed, but neither of us knew even the most basic things about each other, not even the way we took our coffees. For some people, that might be normal, but for me it just felt…weird.
“Just cream.” I didn’t like the way sugar tasted in my coffee. If there was the smallest amount of bitterness, I actually preferred it.
He nodded, taking a container out of the fridge before he poured some in a cup he then passed to me. Max’s every movement seemed fraught with purpose. He didn’t squirm, didn’t seem to make a move unless he had to, almost like he was a dancer on a stage instead of a man in the kitchen.
I shook my head. He was only making coffee. My mind on no sleep was not a pretty place to exist. I sipped the coffee. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” He lifted his gaze. “I’m making eggs I think you’ll like. If you don’t, I can make them a different way the next time we eat breakfast together.”
I took a seat at the counter across from where he was cooking. “Are we going to do this again?”
He smirked as he stared down at the eggs, touching them for one second with his spatula. “I think we both know that we’re going to be doing this again. Last night wasn’t the end of something, it was the beginning.”
