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He laughed, throwing his head back. “It’s all delicious when I make it.”
I groaned. “Sorry, of course. Could you be more specific? Whatexactlyare you cooking tonight?”
He brought my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles. “The special tonight is going to be salmon. Do you like salmon?”
“I love salmon.”
He leaned his head down on mine. “Thank you for coming with me today, Hope, and for being there for me when I needed you. I…I don’t usually ask for sex in the back of a car.”
I laughed. “Oh no? It’s all the rage on the Upper East Side.”
Max groaned, and I smiled. We stayed quiet for the rest of the drive.
Luke dropped Max at his home and then quickly cut uptown to bring me to mine. I didn’t say a word to either of my guards. If they knew what happened, they made no mention of it, and I managed to get upstairs to my apartment before I sank to the ground.
That happened. It had actually happened. I let out a breath. I’d never thought I’d be able to handle it. Sure, it wasn’t the stuff of fiction. I wasn’t suddenly fixed because I’d had sex with Max, but it did matter. I hadn’t gotten scared, hadn’t freaked out. I’dspent a little too much time lost in my own head, but I’d enjoyed myself, even had an orgasm.
I let out a breath I’d held.
I wanted to tell someone, but not even my sisters would have understood the importance of the moment, since I guarded my truth so tightly.
Shaking my head, I rose and headed for the bathroom, stopping only to stare atSeptember, the painting that I’d moved mountains to acquire. It really was so sad, and even though most of the time I could feel its truth in my soul, at that moment, it was an absolute opposite to my current mood.
“I’m sorry you were sad, Mom.” I touched the side of the frame, avoiding the painting itself. “I am a lot too. But we’re not the same, because I’m not going to let us be.” I stepped away from the creation that filled in for my dead mother. Was I talking to her or to myself? Did it matter? “Why did you pick Dad, anyway? He’s really not a good man.”
I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I’d just had sex. That was so…not me. I smiled as the water sprayed over me. I was going to spend the day getting people to show up to Max’s restaurant.
If this was the last charity I raised money for, then I was going out with a bang.
And then I’d…
Well, I had no idea what I’d do, but I’d figure it out.
For once, I was feeling pretty great about things.
My phone dinged. Justin had sent a text.I think Dad would let you die if it would make them happy.
I stared at the words like I couldn’t believe they existed. I set down my phone, my good mood fleeing. I was wet, standing in the shower, and staring at what amounted to what? Was it a death threat? Was it a warning? Was it a deranged ranting frommy drug-addled brother? I pounded on the wall, the vehemence of how I punched it shocking me, even as I did it.
When I could get my hands to stop shaking enough to manage the act, I took a screenshot of the message Justin sent and sent it to Michael. Maybe Zeke didn’t have to know, so Layla didn’t have to know. I leaned against the side of my shower. The water hit me but no longer felt so wonderful or soothing.
10
Ileaned against the car and watched as people entered the party. Silently, I made note of who attended. The turnout was good, and I swallowed some of my anxiety away as I saw it. They’d go in, eat—or pretend to—mingle, check each other out, write checks, and leave. That was okay. That was all I needed them to do.
I’d threatened, cajoled, flirted, and practically begged to get some of them there. I’d called in favors, but so help me, I would have gone and dragged people out of their apartments if I’d had to. This would be my last party. I knew that. I’d done what I could, but I was old news now.
Funny…I didn’t feel any different.
My phone dinged, and I looked down at it.Where are you?It was Max.Shouldn’t you be here?
We’d had some back and forth over text for the last day, mostly aboutStar Trek. It was fun to talk to him about it. And not being in the room together meant we didn’t have to address the elephant in it with us—the sex in the back of the car.
Well, I tried to come in, but your maître d’ is under strict directions to not let me enter. So I’m outside in the car watching to see who arrives.
What?His response came fast.Fuck. I’m sorry. Old rule. I’m correcting it.
The door to the side opened, and Max poked his head out. Lightning flashed in the sky. It wasn’t raining yet, but it felt like it was about to start. That feeling in my bones said that rain was coming. If I’d doubted the sensation, the lightning confirmed it. That was okay. It would keep people inside, writing checks and eating.
