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I left him sitting there and closed the door behind me. I didn’t know what game I was playing or even what the rules were, but I’d just scored points if, for no other reason, I’d let him think I could care about nothing, too. When this was over, and I went on to whatever was next, I’d have the ability to pretend better than I ever had before. And that had to count for something.
I went back to my room and climbed onto the bed.
There were more messages. Hope and Bridget had both answered, and of course one more for Justin. The truth was that I deserved Kit’s anger. Maybe I’d been wrong in assuming his feelings for me were as negative as mine were for him. Maybe I had hurt him a lot. I’d embarrassed him, that was for sure. But it wasn’t like he’d come to find me and ask me what had happened. It wasn’t as though he’d begged me to give us another chance.
I’d take his abuse. I deserved it. However, Justin was a mystery. Why was he doing this to me?
You’ve always thought you were better than the rest of us.
I laughed, but it wasn’t from amusement. I wasn’t better than anyone. I was just the opposite. The one who couldn’t find her way, even with pointed directions.
I lay down on the bed. Was gravity somehow suddenly stronger?
It felt like it was going to push me over, keep me from being upright ever again. I rolled over and pressed my face into the pillow. I’d just stay like this until I had to get beautiful for dinner again.
That was my role in life after all.
A knock sounded, and the door opened before I could say come in. What was the point of knocking? I managed to roll over to see Zeke standing in the door frame.
“I want to talk about what you just said.”
I groaned. “Okay.”
“I…” His voice trailed off. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I grabbed the pillow and covered my face with it. So much for my little win a minute ago. He was going to lay into me now, and I was going to take it because I didn’t want to go back to New York yet. Those were my choices. Here. Or New York.
The bed sagged where he must have sat down on it next to me. “Layla?”
I moved the pillow. “My brother.”
“What about him?” Zeke’s voice was hard. “What is he doing to you? He’s already abandoned you in Paris, leaving you penniless after stealing from you.”
I wanted to groan again, but that wasn’t an answer. Instead, I handed him my phone. He could see all the things that everyone sent me and that was fine. I had no secrets. Nothing I was saying to Hope or Bridget was anything I shouldn’t. I was keeping our deal just fine.
He stared at it for a second, looking at Justin’s message, his jaw hardening while he did. A second or two later he swiped his finger over it, and I had no idea who he was looking at now. I closed my eyes. Let him have at my phone.
“Just give me a few minutes to collect myself, and then I’ll start to get pretty enough to go to dinner. I need to put this away wherever I shove these things inside of me for my future nervous breakdown.”
He was so quiet, I wondered if I’d imagined him being there to begin with. “Layla.”
I forced my eyes open, braced for this to get worse. “Go for it. Whatever you need to say, say it.”
“I’m sorry your brother is so sick. And I’m sorry that he’s taking it out on you. My mother, who killed herself, was an addict. I mean, I didn’t understand that at the time, but I figured it out eventually when I reexamined things. I don’t think… I mean, I don’t think this is Justin in his right mind. I knew him a little bit years ago when he interned at the company. He was a nice guy. This seems like…like it’s the illness, the addiction, the drugs, not Justin.”
I didn’t know my brother well enough to make that statement. “I’ve never… He and I aren’t close. We never have been. And he’s very preoccupied with sending me mean messages.”
Zeke sighed and lay back on the bed next to me. “Probably because he feels guilty. He knows what he did. And he’s redirecting it right back onto you. Now Kit, on the other hand? I could take care of this problem for you.”
I laughed. “I would think you were past the I’ll-beat-up-your-ex phase of life.”
“I’m not going to beat him up. I’m going to have someone find him and make it stop.”
I shook my head. “As for Kit, I think he gets to do this for a little bit. He gets to hurt me if he wants to.”
“No, sweetheart, he doesn’t.” He rolled over to look at me. “Don’t change your clothes. We’ll go somewhere else for dinner. Some place where you can stay right as you are. I love it.” He tugged on the end of my braid. “It’s somehow…very you.”
“That’s how I felt about it. Jeans and a T-shirt. Who would have thought it? I can have any clothes in the world, and this is all I want to wear from now and forever.” I shrugged. “Or maybe just for today.”
