Page 40 of Professor

I couldn’t deny it any longer. I wanted him. I wanted him to the point of an obsession, something I couldn’t shake. Something, I realized, I didn’t want to let go of even though I knew it was wrong.

I’d gotten the hell out there and ran back here to my practically empty apartment with only a handful of the groceries I’d bought to stock my refrigerator.

I sniffled, turning to face the little corner kitchen where the new toaster and kettle I’d just purchased should have been sitting.

I needed to go back out there. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say to Rhys, but I needed to say something. I just didn’t know how to put my feelings into words.

For weeks now, I’d felt like I’d been walking a razor-sharp edge with him on one side and every hope and dream I had on the other. Why did I want to keep walking toward him, knowing whatever was happening between us was strictly forbidden?

I walked aimlessly through the small studio apartment, running my fingers over the countertops and side tables. All I really had was a bed, a few tables, a dresser, and a desk. I’d paid a few frat guys to move my personal belongings from the sorority house over the weekend. I’d spent the night for the first time last night.

It’d been so, so quiet. And I’d been utterly alone with just my thoughts.

Thoughts about Rhys, and the impossible situation I was putting myself in.

Would it really be so bad to pursue him? He was only tenured for a year; he’d said so himself. A secret romance could be hidden in plain sight until summer, right?

But if anyone found out? Oh, shit. If anyone had seen us on the bike trail...

I cursed under my breath and started pulling my clothes from my suitcases to distract myself, hanging them in the snug closet. I spent the rest of the evening unpacking and decorating. I’d never lived totally on my own before. I’ve never had a space to make my own.

By eight in the evening, I’d done all I could do with what I had and taken a peek at the meager groceries I’d gathered before running away from Rhys with my tail tucked between my legs. How incredibly embarrassing.

A single tub of yogurt looked back at me as I glared into the fridge before slamming it closed and grabbing my coat off the back of a chair, shrugging it on. I was trying to be frugal. I was my own now, after all. I couldn’t rely on my parents’ loaded generosity any longer, and I had a doctorate degree to pay for in the future.

Going out for a burger wasn’t going to break the bank, I hoped.

I opened the door leading out into the hallway of my new apartment building and froze, a sinking feeling settling low in my stomach.

My groceries, the kettle, and the toaster were sitting right outside my front door.

I bit down on my lower lip to stop it from trembling. Rhys had come here. He’d gathered it all up and brought it here for me. He hadn’t knocked, and after picking everything up and taking it inside, I realized he hadn’t left a note.

What did I possibly expect?

I’m not sorry.

He might not have been sorry for the kiss, but the look on his face, wrecked with guilt, told me he felt exactly the same way I did; he knew full well that this couldn’t happen without serious consequences.

I took off my coat and draped it back over the chair, then busied myself by putting away the groceries and unboxing the toaster and kettle. I made myself some tea and decided to calm down for a bit and do something relaxing. I had several books I wanted to start reading, most of them recommended by Jessica. Thinking of her made me wonder if I should have gone to Jersey to spend Thanksgiving with her family after all.

Being here, alone with Rhys, was a dangerously tempting situation that could easily spin out of control if we let it.

We couldn’t let it.

I put on pajamas and got in bed with my tea, cracking open a book and letting my mind unravel like a spool of thread.

But then my cell phone rang.

I hesitated to answer when the caller ID popped up, but I couldn’t avoid the mess I’d created forever.

“Mom,” I said firmly, my voice void of emotion.

“So I gather you’re not coming home for fall break this year.” It wasn’t a question. Her tone was tinged with malice.

I steadied myself, sitting up a little straighter. “I’m not. I had too much to do here on campus.”

“I heard you moved out of the Theta Nu Delta house.” She chuckled, but there wasn’t anything amused in her tone. “You’re really throwing it all away, aren’t you, Whitney?”

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