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The city was not large although it was still expanding rapidly.
As its gray streets turned to the harsh dusty red landscape of Enchor’s Heart, splotches of green like accidental spots of color on a modern masterpiece rose into view.
But now even the cockpit was beginning to feel stiflingly close.
I needed a big empty open space, somewhere I could be absolutely and totally alone.
I spied a large green field and pulled the shuttle down, skimming the treetops so close I caught some of the taller branches.
I landed and left the engines running as I leapt out, ran across the open field, threw myself over a flimsy fence, bolted into the middle of the next field, and threw back my head, my fists clenched tight.
I bellowed at the open sky.
YYAAAARRGGGHHHHHH!
It was protracted and went on far longer than I expected.
By the time it was done, it had risen to a high pitch and, if anyone was listening, they would have heard the keen desperation in my voice.
The sound of my heart breaking and my soul being destroyed.
It wasn’t for Mila I had screamed but someone else… someone whose well of affection I had drawn the desire that I had directed at Mila.
My ex-wife.
Jjora.
No matter where I went or how hard I worked, she was always with me.
I felt her presence.
It was not scary but one of kindness.
Sometimes it was so strong I would look over my shoulder in the direction I felt it and would find her there.
Of course, she wasn’treallythere, only in the eye of my imagination.
A female Chi, she was smaller and more feminine than the traditional Chi style.
Even then, she was almost twice the size Mila had been.
She had big welcoming, happy eyes, and was positive in every way I was pessimistic.
She countered me, balanced me.
She was my Gla’rar Star, my guiding light.
And she had been taken from me.
But that had only been possible because I hadallowedit to happen.
I had failed her.
I had failed her in the worst possible way.
At the very moment she needed me to be strong, to be fast, to be her protective Chi shield, I had been weak and slow.
The tears were in my eyes before I knew it.
