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“Only once. And he had it coming,” I said darkly.
“That’s once more than I have, you psycho.” I could see her shaking her head out of the corner of my eye and I huffed a laugh.
“So are you and Schwartz still close?”Stillbecause she knew about my life from our friendshipbefore.
Suddenly, I felt awkward. Schwartz was basically my only friend. My life was half-full compared to hers.
“We’re still very close. He’s dealt with more shit from our parents than I have. I’m lucky to have him. In a lot of ways, he has his act together more than I do.” My hands were tight on the wheel and I forced myself to relax. “Your turn. I want a secret from you.”
“You already know all my secrets.”
“I highly doubt that,” I said dryly. “You were a closed book for seven years.” I raised a brow at her. “For example, what makes you get up in the morning even when you worked until 2 am? For me, it’s the thought of sticking it to my asshole father.”
“My ego.” Her mouth twisted. “But you already knew that. Part of it is also my family,” she added quietly. “My parents have sacrificed a lot for me and for my sister. My mom grew up in a tiny town in Bosnia and fled from the conflict. Don’t ask me why she chose Vermont of all places. My dad was a local from a blue collar family in the area and fell in love with her. They grew up with very little. My dad has 7 brothers and sisters and grew up in a 3 bedroom house. But, he and my mom dreamed big for us. I’ll always be grateful to them, but I know they’ve sacrificed a lot for us. I don’t think they’ve took a real vacation for my entire childhood.” She sighed.
“Now they’re retired and I want them to do all the things they never got to do. I want them to go on that trip to Italy, or back to Bosnia to see my mom’s family. Emily is the one who worries about their health and stability, but I’m the one who wants them to live the fullest life they can. This job can make that happen.” She sighed. “And you know I want it for myself. I’ve never fit in with others at the firm, and I want to win. Make partner is like some fucked up badge of honor. Maybe that’s dumb, but it’s the truth.” She stopped and snapped her mouth shut.
“Sorry, that was probably more than you wanted to know.” She looked over at me and gave me a rueful smile.
“No, I think that’s admirable. I’m not nearly as selfless as you are. And for what it’s worth, I never thought you didn’t fit in. You don’t give yourself enough credit.”
“Even if I do make it, I don’t feel worthy of it.” Her voice sounded small and sad.
I slowed, the car responding instantly, and pulled over. I shoved out of my seat and around to her door, where I pulled her out as well.
“Andrew! What are you doing?”
“I’m not going to sit here and listen to this.” Cold anger, at the world, at myself, pulsed through me.
I pinned her hips to the door with my hips and her hands between my own. She made a sound of surprise but stilled, her eyes locked on mine.
“Listen to me.” Maybe I was scaring her, but it was imperative that she understand. “You are enough.” Her eyes went wide and her mouth dropped open. “You are brilliant and hard-working. You stepped in to save that Clayton deal last year. You always know when clients need a phone call instead of an email. You handle Gerald’s bad moods better than anyone else in the firm, and you’re the strongest writer I know. You heard me the other day. You’re one of the best and it’s time you believe it.”
I could see her eyes filling with emotion and she made a small sound of protest.
“I’m not done.” I tightened my grip on her hands, trying to force her to understand. “Youareworthy of making partner. If they can’t see that, then they don’t deserve you. And if you don’t make it, you’ll be fine. You will land on your feet. I know you can’t see that right now, but I believe it.” I pressed my forehead against hers. I could feel her shaking under me. My breaths heaved. “If I ever made you feel less than, if any of this is because of me, I’m sorry.” My throat tightened. “You may never stop hating me, but I will never stop supporting you.” The final words came out rough.
“Andrew.” Her voice was shaky as she reached for me. “I don’t hate you.” I let go of her hands to haul her against me. She softened against my chest and I felt a hundred feel tall. I swore I heard her murmur, “This is the opposite of hate,” before her mouth was on mine and she was kissing me like she was drowning and I was air.
34
Margo
Andrew was unbelievably perfect. A protector, a lover. He slid into the role so easily. His words from earlier were stamped on my heart.
As we pulled up to the house, my palms started to sweat. Would he think it was too small, would my parents be weird? He wasn’t my boyfriend, but this felt momentous. If he judged, I wouldn’t survive it.
He gave me an easy smile. With every beat of my heart I got more nervous, and he seemed to get calmer. “Come on, maniac. I see you losing your mind.” He squeezed my shoulder and used a hand on the roof to pull himself out of the car.
I pressed cold hands to my hot cheeks and followed him. The stillness of the woods around us was a cooling touch on my neck, a break from the insanity of Manhattan.
Andrew leaned against the trunk of his sports car, looking for all the world like a model in the hottest photo ever taken. I couldn’t help the hand that reached out to smooth over his sweater. He snatched it and pulled me to him, his palm heating my lower back and his eyes sparkling.
“None of that,” he admonished. “I doubt I’m even supposed to touch you here, and I’m already hard from the way you kept sighing in the car.” He nipped at my neck.
“Oh you noticed that?” I gave an embarrassed laugh. “You’re just so capable.” I blushed as I said it. I was such an idiot.
“Mmm,” he murmured against my neck, his stubble deliciously abrading my skin.“So you told me yesterday. All I have to do is yell at clients and drive you places, and you’ll be climbing me.” His voice was pitched low and we were hidden from the house. I took the moment to slide my hands into his silky hair and press him to me.
