AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I’ve been having this horrible nightmare lately, where three children sneak in and take over my apartment and decide to cause havoc. In the nightmare, the windows get smashed, and I get covered in throw-up and grime and have to deal with them yelling and screaming. And I don’t have a babysitter, and Yolanda just quit. I have to deal with it all alone.
I’m awoken from the nightmare of children to the reality of them as Chloe and Ava decide it would be funny to wake me up by jumping right on me.
I scream as Chloe’s hands hit my chest, and she screams in response. I manage to bite my tongue to stop myself from cursing, but I can’t help yelling, “What the hell are you doing?”
Ava bursts into tears again at that, like clockwork. “Wake up,” she says through her blubbering.
“What’s the time?” I mumble, still blinking the sleep out of my eyes. I’m not going to apologize for being rudely woken up. If it’s before seven a.m., I’m going to be furious.
“Eight twenty,” says Chloe. I just grunt.
Then the door bursts open, and Sophie and Noah rush in looking concerned like someone’s broken in and left a bomb or something. “We heard shouting,” says Sophie. “Is everything okay?”
“No!” I splutter. “I intended to have a lie-in.”
“It’s a Wednesday,” says Sophie, giving me that look again which says that I’m in the wrong for some reason. This literally isn’t my fault, though.
“Sorry!” squeals Ava, launching herself onto me again, wrapping her arms around me with astonishing grip strength, burying her face into my chest so her tears can seep into my nightshirt. I pat the top of her head as gently as I can, unsure what else to do. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Sophie bite her lip like she’s about to start laughing and I feel a flash of anger. How can she think any of this is funny?
And then something really weird happens. I find myself looking at her — reallylookingat her, for the first time in years. She has a cute little upturn to her nose and a smattering of freckles across her cheeks. She also has kind eyes, a warm green that sparkles with her humor and kindness. She is funny. I don’t think I’d ever noticed that before. I don’t really think I’ve ever stopped to notice her atall.
Finally, Ava stops sobbing into me, her wails giving way to gentle sniffles. Chloe gives me a repentant, lopsided grin. “We’re sorry, Uncle Lucas,” she says. “We just thought you might want to get up. We wanted to play.”
I can’t think of a way to tell them nicely that there is no way in hell I want to play with them at eight o’clock in the morning, so I choose not to say anything at all.
“Come on, guys,” say Sophie walking further into the room to wrap her arm around Chloe’s shoulders. She rubs a comforting circle into her shoulder and squeezes her tightly. “It was a nice thought, but most people don’t like to be surprised in the morning. Let’s promise Uncle Lucas that we’ll never surprise him into being awake ever again, even if he falls asleep on the sofa.”
Chloe scrunches her entire face up to think about this then decides to nod in agreement. “No more surprises,” she says. I breathe a sigh of relief to hear it. I don’t want to deal with children before caffeine. If I have to deal with them at all, I at least want to be wide awake. I also choose not to comment on Sophie’s snide comment about sofa naps. I’m not an old man. I never nap.
“Right, who’s hungry?” says Sophie. At once, Chloe and Ava raise their hands, jumping in place. It’s then we all get a delightful whiff of baby poop. “I found some cereal in the cupboard. Chloe, why don’t you come get some with me, and Uncle Lucas can change Ava’s diaper.”
I look at Sophie in horror. “Change her diaper?” I say, dumbfounded. She doesn’t seriously think I’m going to dothat, does she? I didn’t even realize she waswearingdiapers. I’d like the magic of them changing themselves to keep happening so I don’t have to deal with it.
Sophie gives me a hard look, and my newfound appreciation for her strong personality cracks a little. “You have spare diapers, don’t you, Chloe?”
“Not many left,” says Chloe, “but yes. They’re in our room.”
“We should go and buy some more,” says Sophie. “But for now, whatever you have will have to do. I’ll even go and get one for you.” She grins sweetly, in that kind of way that I can’t say no to.
Half an hour later, I’m sitting in the bathroom with a naked child and my hands covered in poop. Sophie assured me that this wouldn’t be too difficult, but Ava keeps wriggling around like she's about to take off, and I can’t figure out the front and back of this thing. What’s worse is that Ava seems to be enjoying my struggle. The glee she’s getting out of a grown man wrestling with a padded piece of plastic is far too great for the situation we’re in.
“Why can’t you just learn to use the bathroom like everyone else?” I demand. Ava just giggles and sticks her thumb in her mouth. I don’t think they’re supposed to do that, but I’m not going to stop her. If I can just get this damn thing on, I’ll be winning.
It’s another half hour before we finally reemerge and join the others in the kitchen. I’ve no idea where Sophie managed to find those wheat squares from because I didn’t know I had them. They must be ancient. Thank God the groceries are supposed to arrive today. I had to go in and add stuff into the basket yesterday. Wednesday is usually my delivery day, but Sophie didn’t approve of half of the items I was getting when we went over it.
If she doesn’t like it, next timeshecan order.
“What’s for breakfast?” I say. “I’m ravenous.”
Sophie looks at Ava suspiciously, like she didn’t really believe that I could do it, which irks me more than it should. I can doanything. Just because this isn’t the kind of work I usually do, doesn’t mean I wouldn’t figure it out in the end. I have a brain.
And then she gives me a nod of approval, which, even more weirdly, makes me feel good. I don’t know what’s happening to me right now, but I’m not certain I like it. I’ve never needed anyone else’s approval to feel good about myself before. I’m not planning to start now.
“I’m going to go to the store later,” announces Sophie as she hands me a bowl of sad squares. I’m glad we have real food on the way.
“What, alone?” I say, shoving cereal in my mouth. A cold dread shoots through me at the idea of being left to the mercy of three kids without a mediator.
“We can’t leave the kids.”
