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I hate that I don't hate him.
“Sophie, please let me explain.”
“There’s nothing else to explain, Lucas. I'll put it in writing if you want. But I’m not coming back again. Do you understand?”
“Please,” he says, his voice cracking in desperation. It occurs to me that this is the most he’s ever saidpleaseto me in his life. I feel like I should get some satisfaction out of watching him beg, but it just makes me feel hollow.
“Goodbye,” I say, flinging open the door and walking through with my head held high.
I don’t dare look back at him, not wanting to see the expression he thinks he should give to a broken heart. Not wanting to make the mistake of hesitating and getting trapped in this old life.
It’s only when I get into the elevator and it’s taking me down that a sob manages to escape me, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
CHAPTER 24
LUCAS
We’re getting to an exciting part of the game, which means Chloe and I are just about to drop off to sleep.
The gentle cheers of the baseball crowd are lulling us into a sleepy afternoon. Her breathing is deep as she snuggles further into me, and I let my head loll back on the sofa. I’m more or less listening to the action, occasionally cracking open an eye if it seems exciting.
When Sophie left us, I was terrified that I wouldn’t be able to do any of this myself. The truth is, we’ve survived a week without her. And even though we’ve been on microwave meals and takeout, no one’s died yet. Ava’s diapers have been changed. Noah’s had his book at bedtime, and everyone’s had a bath. I could be doing a lot worse.
I’d even say I’m fond of these children now. Now that we’ve gotten to know each other and now I’ve been forced to actually look after them, I’ve seen how funny they are. It’s genuinely amusing, some of the things they say.
I didn’t even complain when Chloe, bored of her jigsaw, climbed up onto the sofa next to me and wiggled her way into my arms. Her body against mine is a comfort, almost. Like a reminder that I have to keep her safe.
So, of course, when the intercom goes, it scares us both shitless.
We both sit bolt upright, gasping in surprise, snapping back to the conscious world as we try to figure out what’s going on and who wants to ruin our day. I’m also pretty sure she’s dribbled on my shirt, but I guess it’s one of those natural consequences of having a big nap, after all.
“What's going on?” Chloe mumbles sleepily. “Who is it?”
“Beats me,” I say. “Let’s go find out.”
Together, we force ourselves to get up, shaking ourselves off to make it look like we weren’t just having an old-man nap. I hold out my hand to her as we head for the door, but Chloe skips ahead of me, suddenly full of life again. It takes another moment for my brain to fully kick in as I stumble after her. I haven't drunk enough caffeine today.
I don’t need it as much when I don’t have to force myself to be the boss at work all the time, present and effusive. I am still working, obviously, but I think working from home is starting to grow on me. It’s so nice being able to attend meetings in my pajama pants.
Chloe cranes her neck to look at the screen on my doorbell camera and throws her arms up in delight as she recognizes the pixelated figure. “It’s Dad!” she squeals.
Jason’s back already?I press the button to let him in. “I guess it’s time for you to go home, kiddo,” I say.
“Yeah,” agrees Chloe somberly. I think we must both be surprised about how sad that makes us feel, because her expression falls in the same way as my heart does. I've gotten used to having them around these last three weeks. It’s going to be strange when they're gone.
When Jason gets up to the apartment, he barely gets a chance to knock on the door, because we’re waiting for him. Chloe jumps at him when she sees him, throwing her arms around his waist. “Hey, Blossom,” he says, grinning. “I missed you.”
“Missed you more,” mumbles Chloe into his belly.
“Jason,” I say in greeting. Now he’s here in front of me, I find Sophie’s words haunting me. I try seeing him as less of a thorn in my side and more as the little brother I’ve always had, and for the first time in years, I can almost see it. “You’re looking well,” I add. Possibly not the fondest reunion ever, but I’m making kind of an effort at least.
“It’s good to see you too, Luke,” he says, grinning and clapping me on the shoulder.
“Come on in.” I step back, gesturing inside. “I’m sure Noah and Ava will be here any moment.”
“The place is looking good,” says Jason. “I’m surprised no one burned anything down.”
“Uncle Lucas burns toast,” says Chloe.
