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“Hello,” I start. Five pairs of eyes — including Sophie’s — bore into me like moths into a pure woolen coat. “I'm Lucas.”
“Welcome to our home,” Sophie's mother says diplomatically. “If you're hungry, we can spare something to eat.”
“No, thank you, Mrs. Gould. I already had dinner.” I try a smile but I don’t think I’m very successful. It’s true that I’ve eaten, but that doesn’t stop me feeling uncomfortable when she smiles at me.
And Sophie is glaring utter daggers at me, which doesn’t help. Her mouth is pressed into the tightest line I’ve ever seen it in. But her eyes aren’t frowning like they usually do. I can’t tell what’s going on in her head at all.
Her youngest sister opens her mouth, but Katie speaks before anyone else can get another word in. “You guys should go out on the balcony. So you can talk,” she says. She emphasizes the wordtalk, and I get the feeling that I’m being set up for something.
“Okay, fine,” sighs Sophie, sliding her seat out to walk over to me. She grabs me by the elbow and drags me out onto the balcony, shutting the glass doors behind us. I’m acutely aware that her whole family is still looking at us, but I just hope that the soundproofing on the balcony doors is enough to stop them from hearing her yell at me. I'm pretty sure that's what she’s about to do.
“Lucas,” she says, placing both hands on the balcony railing, gripping it tightly. The warm summer breeze catches her hair and blows it about her face like a silk curtain. I try not to stare but fail — because how can I look away from that when she looks so picture-perfect?
She pauses, gathering her words or her strength, then says finally, “What the hell are you doing here?” I think her resignation is worse than her anger. It’s like she doesn't even have it in her to shout at me anymore.
“You wouldn’t let me explain any other way,” I say. She huffs a tiny laugh, fighting herself to not smile.
And that’s when I know I still have a chance. I have to get this right. “The truth is, yes, I did find out that you were applying for the jobs, and yes, I did speak to the hiring managers. The thought of losing you was, is… well, it’s unbearable. But not for the reasons you think. I know I’ve never treated you fairly. I know I barely even recognized that you weretherebefore. And I just want to say, I'm so sorry for that.”
She sucks her lower lip into her mouth like she’s trying to think of something to say. But I’m not finished yet. I rest my own hand on the balcony rail, the paint rough against my hand, take a deep breath and continue. “These last few weeks, with you and the kids — I’ve never been happier in my life, I swear. It’s like I never really knew I was living before that.”
“Says the guy in the penthouse,” mutters Sophie.
I chuckle at that. “I know, you're right. What does a guy like me have to be worried about? And the truth is, very little. But not worrying isn't the same as living. After Jason picked the kids up… I realized I've barely been living at all. Not before you. And… I want that. I want to live like a person who cares about people. And I get it if you tell me to go now, I do. I'll leave and you'll never have to see me again. And I'll stop calling. I just wanted to tell you to your face that I'll miss you. That’s all.”
I swallow hard, my knuckles white on the balcony railing as I look down into the street below. A car races past, its radio pulsing with a heavy bass. I watch it go all the way down the street until it turns, not wanting to look Sophie in the eye. Not wanting to look at her at all, because I don’t think I can bear to see her expression.
But when she doesn't say anything, I steal a small glance. She’s staring down the street, too. I want to ask her to say something, but that feels too pushy. I'm really not sure what to do, and that’s a feeling I don't at all enjoy. I’m used to being in control, but this isn’t a situation I can force the outcome of.
Whatever happens here, I have to live with.
“You betrayed my trust,” she says at last, so quietly I almost miss it. “You made me feel like I was stupid for believing you. And now you’re back here again, and I can't help but worry that it's just going to be the same thing all over again. Nice words until something doesn't go your way. I need you to prove to me that things are going to be different. I need you to swear to me that you're going to let me have my life.”
“Well, I’ve deactivated your security pass at Adler Motors,” I say, trying to crack a joke. I'm not sure how it'll land, but fortunately she smiles.
“That’s a good start,” she says. “How are the kids?”
“Good, fine. You know, when Jason came to pick them up, I was actually a little heartbroken. We've been getting on pretty good this week. It’s like we don’t really need you at all.” I wince to as soon as the words come out of my mouth. That was a foolish thing to say, but Sophie seems to understand what I really meanbecause she laughs. I steal another look at her and I’m surprised to find tears in her eyes.
“I love the museum,” she says. “I love working there and seeing all that cool stuff. It really feels like what I’m meant to be doing. But the other day, my new boss said that I looked distracted — and he’s right. I have been distracted because I can’t stop thinking about you.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you idiot. You.”
I open my mouth and shut it again, like a fish. “But I thought…?”
She shakes her head, turning to me at last, tears glinting in her eyes. “Trust me, it’s infuriating. But everything I see makes me think of you. Everything I do reminds me of what you would say, or do, or look like. I’ve tried so hard to put you out of my mind but I just can’t.”
“I should never have let you go,” I say, clenching my fists.
An ambulance screams past below. Sophie doesn’t flinch but it makesmeblink in surprise. She raises an eyebrow at me. “You didn’tletme do anything. I made a choice and I stand by it.”
“No regrets?” I ask, my heart falling. I can’t keep up with this conversation anymore. Does she want me or not?
She shrugs. “I have one.”
I tilt my head like a confused dog. “You just said you have the job of your dreams.”
