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Never thought I’d enjoy sharing my space with another person. The thought of it would have been laughable back then.
But now? I don’t know what I’d do if she ever left me.
Watching her smile sets my whole heart on fire. It’s funny how much I can’t live without those smiles now that I have them. Now that I’vefeltthem. She’s changed so much of who I was, even while those parts of me still remain and always will.
But with Kayla, I’ve evolved into a man I never saw myself becoming. To touch, to kiss, to make love to her… I never dreamed of such things. I was simply a man looking in, never experiencing the things others always took for granted.
Now all I want is to hold her, to kiss her, to watch her smile that way she does for as long as my heart still beats.
But there’s still so much I’m simply not capable of. No matter how badly I try to force it, I can’t say those words… The three words I so desperately want to say. Because I feel them. I think I do, at least.
But how do I truly know? How do I make myself say those words? I don't know what it means to be loved or to love. I’ve never had that before.
Staring at her, knowing she’s safe from Prince and his thugs, makes me sleep better at night. After he was killed, Iseult was able to hack his phone and computers, tying his friend Tim to the trafficking. The same guy who danced with Kayla that night I watched her as Chris, wanting to rip the bastard to shreds.
Now he is, though. Burned in my furnace, but not before he talked and told us where to find the rest of the crew who worked for Prince. They were all over Boston, and the Quinns were able to take care of every last one of them until not one remained.
All the victims who were still in Boston, caged and waiting to be shipped off overseas, were saved too. And the others, the ones already smuggled? We were too late. None of us were able to find them. And it fucking kills me.
“Have a good nap, baby.” I stroke her lips with my knuckles, and she reaches her hand to grab my wrist.
“You sure you can’t join me?”
“Soon. I promise.” I pull her hand to my mouth and kiss the tips of her fingers. “I have a little work to do.”
Not that kind of work. The blood, it had to stop for now. She’s still recovering, but doing so well.
And the fact that she can’t have kids? Yeah, it still hurts her, but she’s managing the best she can. Elsie and Jade help a lot,and she’s wanting to find a new therapist once she’s a little more healed. As for me, therapy isn’t something I’m seeking. Kayla is all I need.
“A?” Her smile is liquid gold. Priceless.
“Yes, baby?” I want to crawl into bed with her and never leave.
Her smile expands. “I love you.”
My sharp intake of breath causes her eyes to widen.
My pulse quickens.
I don’t know what the hell to do or say, awestruck at those words. She may not realize it, but that was the very first time anyone has ever said that to me. And something inside me grows until it suffocates me.
“Are you okay?” Her brows knit and concern fits her face.
She just told me she loves me, and I look like I’m about to die. It makes me feel like the biggest asshole in the world.
Unsure what else to do, I slip into bed with her and tuck her head on my chest. “More than okay.” I drop a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m sorry I’m so fucked up. I wish I wasn’t.”
“Hey.” She places a hand against my cheek. “Don’t do that.” Forcing herself on her elbow, she kisses me once. “You’re perfect.”
“I’m not, Kayla. Nothing about me has ever been perfect.”
When she tries to say something else, I place a finger across her lips to silence her.
“Let me get this out.”
“Okay,” she whispers.
“I’ve never had anyone say that to me before. Not until you.”
