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I can’t stay.
I fucking need to. For her.I can do it for her. But she deserves softness when it comes to this. Halen is both leather and velvet, and I’m a fucking craftsman when it comes to her. I’ve not only seen every inch that there is to see of her, felt every fucking scar and wound, but I’ve existed within her. We are one. We always have been and always will be. But for right now, I know that this is something she doesn’t need to see. She doesn’t need to see that I am slowly being consumed by my own guilt.She doesn’t need to witness my penitence shrivel and die at my feet on a night that should be celebrated by her.
I hate myself for feeling this way.
Right now, she needs peace. Not war.
My body turns to leave, when the laughter of the group near the bonfire stops me. They all blur together, and I rub my eyes with the base of my palm.
As soon as my vision clears, I catch Stella snapping selfies with the leftover corpses still in their resting positions. Her leg lifts against the side of the one with the stick, as she grabs at one of her tits with her free hand, resting her tongue against its jaw.Snap. Snap. Snap.
River shakes her head at Stella but doesn’t stop her, as Vaden’s heavy footsteps land in front of his sister. I can hear him going on about evidence and using her head for something other than sex and murder for once. Her response is hostile, throwing back in his face how not everyone can be the perfect child, and that it’s a Polaroid so no one else will see. Her arm swings over to Priest, who meets her with a raised brow, either in challenge or pride, before yapping about adding the photos onto the wall with Priest’s victims.
There’s a reason why Stella and Priest are never allowed around each other alone. This is a prime example.
For once, not even my family’s antics are enough to pull myself out of the emotional sludge I’ve found myself in, and I can feel myself sinking deeper and deeper.
My feet carry me back through the way I came, while ignoring everyone in sight, when I bang into a little five-foot-something body.
I catch her by the waist with a steady hand, and the ground tilts beneath us.
She’s safe. She’s here.Mine.
Both of our eyes slide to where I’ve caught her. With one hand on her waist, and the other on her upper arm. When I release her arm from my grip, blood stains her cardigan like a cruel reminder.
I fucking manifested this shit.
“You okay?” Her voice lulls me back to the moment.
I brush the back of my finger over the silk of her cheek, ignoring the way the dagger that burns in my pocket feels more like it’s lodged in my heart. “Yeah, baby. I’m good. You?”
I have to be smart. As in tune as I am to her, she is to me. Bonded from before birth, our souls were forged together by a fucking firestorm of chaos, one that will burn eternally, and turn everything in its path to ash.
The corners of her eyes slant, but it’s not because she’s suspicious. It’s that she’s… free. She’s been snatched of so much—I’ll fucking die before I let the teeth of my guilt so much as graze her.
Her fingers twist behind my neck, and she pulls me down until I’m almost level to her. Almost.
Her lips brush over mine and I fight a groan that strangles me. “I love you. Thank you.”
Fuck it. Like the sadistic prick that I am, I grab her by the face and force her lips onto mine, swiping my tongue over hers as she feeds me the soft little moans that I’ve been ravishing since the second her mouth had first landed on mine.
I pull back, resting my forehead against hers while massaging her temples with my thumbs. “I’ll be back, okay?”
“Okay,” she whispers, and it’s that velvet side that she only ever allows me to touch.
“Say it.” I kiss her once, before allowing our lips to sail over each other’s. “Tell me you know that I’ll be back. That I’ll never leave you.”
Her eyes search mine, and I can almost hear her pleading with me.
She reaches up until her hand rests against the side of my neck, skimming the tattoo there. “I know you’ll always be back—” When I go to step away, she forces me back against her lips, and out of instinct, I bite at the bottom one before she kisses me again. “—and I’ll always be here waiting. You’re mine, War. All of you. Especially the parts that you think I can’t handle. They’re allmine.”
“I love you, baby,” I whisper against her forehead, my throat swelling around the words.
She leans up once more and plants a gentle kiss below my jaw. “I love you, War. Thank you for always catching me. Even with blood on your hands.”
And I always would. I just hadn’t realized that one day, it was going to be her blood that was on my hands.
I wait until she dances off near the bonfire, swiping the bottle of whatever it is Deacon is drinking as he examines the photos Stella just shot. Seeing Halen smile is a reminder of all the years I robbed the earth of seeing it. She should have been like this all along. Never touched.Never fucking touched.That same rage bubbles beneath my skin and I tear my eyes from her, implanting that smile inside my head as if she doesn’t exist in there already. Before anyone can catch me, I slip beneath the shadows of the trees and with every step I take, I feel myself fall deeper and deeper into the abyss of my own condemnation.
