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During their first weekend together, Rakell learned that Brielle had started modeling at the age of twelve. She was noticed by a representative of UWMT (Unique World Models and Talent), an agency based in Paris, when she was shopping with her parents. They encouraged her modeling to help pay for her dance lessons and private education. The demand for her skyrocketed, and by the time she was fifteen, she was on the front cover of most of Europe's well-known magazines. She was seventeen when she appeared in her first French film, a film about a forbidden love affair with a much older instructor. From then on, Brielle Lambert became a household name, not only in France but throughout the world.
Brielle was a sublime blend of her tall French father and her lithe Japanese mother. Her unique beauty was also the quality that made her face as recognizable as the golden arches. Shortly into their first time together, Brielle instructed Rakell to call her Brielle instead of Camille, stating that the pretense was an inane pursuit for Brielle to pretend that she wasn’t who she was with, especially someone she had become intimate with and trusted.
As the driver led her into the private lobby for her final meeting with Brielle, Rakell remembered how she had accentuated ‘intimate and trusted’ that first weekend and how Rakell readily agreed when Brielle asked if Rakell would consider being her birthday tradition. And so, for the past four years, she’d met Brielle on her birthday to be, as her husband put it, “her exquisite gift.”
Brielle opened the door to their penthouse suite, which resided on the top floor of a prestigious hotel yet offered its residents the assurance of privacy and staff that were highly discreet and verbally handcuffed by iron-clad NDAs. She greeted Rakell with a kiss on each cheek. Rakell soaked in the tenderness this woman always showed her, thinking,I’m sad to say goodbye. This assignment has been an emotional refuge for me.
After the staff aided Rakell with her luggage, Brielle dismissed them, stating they had two days off with pay. “Belle,” she whispered, offering Rakell a glass of champagne. They drank a few glasses and ate off a cheeseboard as Brielle explained that her husband was disappointed that he couldn’t be here to bid farewell but that he, too, was grateful for Rakell’s loyalty and discretion.
“I understand your aspirations, lovely, and you will see them come to you, I am sure,ma chérie,I want you to understand that the anonymity you have so enjoyed is ending.”
Rakell blinked;that damn video was everywhere. “You saw the video as well?”
Brielle smiled. “I was steered to the video after the newSports Illuminatedcover model was announced. In our trade, announcements are released when a model is chosen for a cover of such illustrious magazines asSports Illuminated, and there is especially, how do you say,fanfarewhen the model chosen is not known to the world.” She sipped from her glass beforesetting it on the table in front of the couch, then signaled to Rakell to scoot closer to her. “So beautiful,” she cooed as she ran her fingers down Rakell’s temple, across her jawbone, then along her neck. As Brielle spoke, her long, elegant fingers brushed Rakell’s sternum up and down. “You will glance back on the days when you could walk into a café with whomever you choose, your mouth relishing a buttery scone as you sit at a small outdoor table in the café, soaking up whoever’s company, not caring for a moment who may be taking pictures and where those pictures may end up.”
She continued to speak in a hushed whisper as she unbuttoned the chiffon blue dress Rakell was wearing, something Brielle had insisted on buying for Rakell when they both dressed in disguises for a day of shopping last year. She had so many memories with this woman. Brielle encapsulated many firsts for Rakell: the first time her tongue had intertwined with a woman’s, the first time she’d caressed a woman’s breast in earnest, the first time she’d reached orgasm from oral sex, and the first time she’d discovered the benefits of a vibrator. Brielle was also the first to give Rakell her first non-lipstick ‘lipstick,’ stating, “A lady can’t have enough lipstick. Carry this with you always, so you are covered on those nights men disappoint.” Rakell had almost giggled, but Brielle had assured her this would be her favorite travel companion.
Brielle continued her gentle lecture as she systematically undressed Rakell, then signaled for Rakell to undress her. “Your whole person will ache with the loss of your freedom in everyday routines. Going to the grocery store, knowing the precise price of milk, bread, and meats, hopping on and off a train. At first, I delighted in stardom, even in my youth, but I began to loathe it once I grasped that my fame now jailed me. The loathing was especially acute as I realized my sensual tastes rested both in the feminine and the masculine. I would need to hide behindone and sneak around with the other to enjoy both. Fame means living a double life,” she finished as Rakell slowly peeled her blouse away from her shoulders.
“I’ve been doing the same,” Rakell murmured against Brielle’s lips as her hands cupped Brielle’s small breasts, being the first to swim into what would result in the tangling of both their bodies on the white rug in front of a black marble fireplace. Another first for Rakell: She led tonight; in the other encounters, she’d languidly followed Brielle. This time, she made sure she was the initiator, ensuring this woman knew how grateful she was. Her initial sexual encounter with Brielle was the first time she remembered feeling completely exposed while simultaneously safe with a client. Rakell took Brielle’s hand, asking her to lie on the soft rug in front of the fire so Rakell could kiss her body. She wanted to make sure Brielle was pleasured before her, so she worked feverishly to bring her off.
After Brielle climaxed, she turned to Rakell, her fingers running through Rakell’s hair as she suggested trying a tiny vibrating butt plug while she indulged on Rakell’s pussy. Rakell pulled back reflexively, thinking,No way. She’d always held a hard line when it came to clients and toys. Toys had to be agreed upon before, not at the moment of physical intimacy. She had never crossed the anal line before either, but there was an imbued security with this woman that permitted Rakell to give in to her erotic curiosity.
“Ahh…” Rakell moaned as Brielle wiggled a lubed butt plug into her back hole. She shut her eyes. Who was she right now, with this woman, allowing her access to her most private space?Perform, Marietta, she coaxed herself, but Marietta wasn’t there. If she were honest with herself, Rakell was the one soaking up the feel of the furry rug beneath her skin, the warmth of the fire brushing across her breast, Brielle’s hand opening her legs as she pushed the hard tip into her anus.
“You will love it,” Brielle offered, her breath tickling Rakell’s inner thighs as she rotated the plug in her ass before pressing the button. A low humming vibration penetrated her private space. The sensation began as an intrusion that morphed into heat streaming between her ass and pussy like an electric string. That charge alone might have been enough to make her come, but then Brielle’s tongue licked her inner lips before mouthing her clit. It was slow-paced; it seemed that Brielle was savoring her taste, coaxing her toward an orgasm. Rakell couldn’t help but think of Jake, the other person who’d lit her up with his mouth between her legs. He had devoured her as if she were his first meal in days and he was going to eat until he was stuffed, demanding she come, whereas Brielle’s approach was as if Rakell were the first course on an exquisite tasting menu, and she was determined to savor, guiding her to an orgasm. The buzzing sensation in her ass interlacing with Brielle’s soft tongue lapping at her hard nub had Rakell’s nervous system on overdrive. When Brielle sucked Rakell’s clit into her mouth, pulling on it, her spine arched as if the current pulsing in her pelvis had spread to her whole body, sending a rolling shock wave through her, writhing as she yelled into the night, “Oh my God, I, I’m…” the words halted by deep guttural moans.
Brielle gently removed the buzzing toy as she said, “Oh,on ma chèri, I knew you would love it. I so wish we had more time; the things I would delight in showing you…Marietta—watching you experience.”
Rakell's eyes popped open, recovering from the sensation that had taken her over. “Rakell, please call me Rakell,” she whispered, a strained quality to her tone. “Marietta is going away forever.” Her voice trailed off.
Brielle scooted up on the rug, so she was lying next to Rakell. Both were silent, with only the sound of the fire crackling around them. Rakell felt Brielle grasp her hand. “Don’t diminishMarietta; she was brave, just as Rakell will be,” she said, a pointedness to her voice as if saying it to herself too.
Rakell noticed the rapid blinking of Brielle’s eyes, a sign she was fighting off emotion.This is painful for her as well.That thought offered solace to Rakell…nothing is more biting than a relationship ending where only one person feels the loss.
The second night, when they were in the bath together, Rakell leaning against one end of the large tub and Brielle the other, Brielle said, “There’s a Japanese word that encompasses two seemingly opposite emotions, but it is a match to how I believe I will feel when I think back on my time with you.”
“Oh, I am so happy that I got to know you,” Rakell threw out, hating that it sounded like a platitude because she didn’t know how to communicate how special this woman had made her feel.
“Natsukashii,” Brielle said, lifting her cup of herbal tea to her lips and sipping before repeating the word.“Natsukashii…”
Rakell was captivated watching Brielle’s lips pronounce the gorgeous word, sounding more like musical notes dancing from her mouth than a word.
Their gazes stilling on each other as Brielle described how that simple word meant so much. “A nostalgic longing for the past, with happiness for the fond memory, yet sadness that it is no longer.”
Visions of her dad, her mom, the ranch, and a life lost made her turn from Brielle’s gaze. “Yes, I understand that meaning,” Rakell said; the memory of riding horses with her dad rolled into her head, leading to a vision of her mom sitting on the back veranda reading as they rode up.
That night, Brielle asked if Rakell wanted to sleep in front of the fire; it would be their last night forever. Rakell said yes, not knowing if she’d sleep but wanting to linger in the moment with this woman as long as she could. She hadn’t thought this would be difficult, but the threads of shared intimacy, both physical and emotional, seemed to become stronger as the final goodbye neared. It was only two nights, but when they hugged, a current of understanding moved between them; this was a loss they would both feel. “Je te manquerai.” Brielle's breathy whispered words lingered in Rakell’s ear as the chauffeur gathered her bags to load in the car before heading to Charles de Gaulle Airport. On the drive, Rakell found herself longing to be back in Brielle’s arms and wished she had said more when Brielle had said, “I will miss you.”I will miss you too, Rakell thought, her internal voice blaring,You’re leaving part of you in Europe.
Chapter Six
As she sipped prosecco, toasting to herself,you're done, you're free, it’s your life now, it hit hard. This was the end of Marietta Rylean Adams, a persona she had cultivated and with whom she had been so intimately intertwined. Marietta had been a safe place, and Marietta was indeed part of Rakell, but she was eager to figure out who Rakell was without Marietta. She no longer needed to pretend to appease a man’s insecurities, desires, or power. Marietta had been a shelter in an odd way; she’d helped Rakell compartmentalize the disaster that had obliterated her life. The loss of her ranch, her father, and ultimately her mother.
The plane soared over the Atlantic Ocean. She was returning to her life in Austin as Rakell. She would mail her secret phone to the agency, and they would cut all ties to her. They tried to wipe away any information about her as they severed any ties to Marietta. Typically, that would have been easy, but her impulsive cheering for, as the agency put it, ‘that American quarterback’ complicated the process. They reminded her that she had much to lose if Rakell was connected to Marietta. Clients rarely(there was only one case she knew of in which a client became obsessed with an escort), if ever, exposed an escort. It did not behoove most clients to mention that they had availed themselves of an escort’s services. The agency further explained that most of her work as an escort had been done in Europe, so the ties to her US life were not strong, and she was unlikely to be outed.
I am gaining my life and losing one at the same time. She had told herself she did this for the money, nothing else.These random people were clients she performed for in every way, controlling every facial expression and running every word through her brain before speaking, continuously shifting her external reactions to fit each situation. She acted as if she were enthralled with their lives, aroused by their touches, enthusiastic about her time with them, and grateful for their gifts. Each response was calculated. But that wasn’t true about Brielle or Amare; her experiences with them had been entwined into her. It occurred to her that even the clients she had put into boxes had affected her, changing her in some way.
The first time Marietta came to life, Rakell knew she wasn’t that person. More than five years after embodying Marietta, those distinct lines that Rakell, naïvely, thought she had established in her psyche now seemed blurred. She reflected on that eighteen-year-old girl and the day Marietta came to be.
