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“Not sure I can eat.” He bit the inside of his mouth, shutting his eyes briefly. “I think she was planning on telling me after Sunday. So do I broach it or let her tell me? And I’m not sure it matters anymore. I don’t know if I could ever get my head wrapped around her doing that. I think of myself as pretty open, but…” His cadence jutted as if he were justifying himself.
Winnie returned with the computer, opening the file labeledRakell, then she set it on the counter by Jake. He turned, scrolling through picture after picture, staring at a photograph of her in a short bright blue cocktail dress with a plunging neckline, arm in arm with a tall, sharply dressed man probably in his early forties. “Damn, she really is beautiful,” he whispered. Then he scrolled through the lingerie pictures of her in various outfits, ranging from sweet baby doll nighties to boy shorts and bras. He noted that she’d been a lingerie model as well as a swimsuit model. He shook his head, realizing he knew less about who she was than he’d originally thought. “Jesus,” he said, staring at the computer screen. Then his eyes returned to the first picture he’d seen last night, of Rakell in a long silver gown next to a young man who appeared to be royalty. She looked so damn young.
He turned from the screen. “Winnie, any idea how long she’s been doing this? I mean, she looks super young in this picture”—he shook his head—“like teenager-young.”
“Not sure. I’d guess shortly after she got to London. That was maybe her connection to Europe. Her name was associated with a modeling agency in London for several years, so who knows, it could have stemmed from that. That’s just a guess. I don’t know a lot about the industry, but it isn’t unheard ofthat women trying to break into the modeling and acting world would work as escorts. I wonder if some modeling agencies refer their models to escort agencies.” Winnie spoke as if she were a professor, masking her own opinion under a flat tone, trying not to add any more emotion to the information than necessary.
“She said she was in business, then the swimsuit stuff, nowSports Illuminated…what the hell is real?” he mumbled to himself, stabbing at the scrambled eggs on the plate Jenae had set by the computer. “Jenae, what do I do?” he asked before stuffing a forkful of eggs in his mouth. He wasn’t hungry but had to make it through a full day of interviews.
Her deep brown eyes poured over him, absorbing the distraught energy emanating from him. “Jake, I think you have to decide what she means to you.” She spoke softly.
His eyes drifted as if he remembered something: the flash of her bending toward the martini glass methodically taunting him, Rakell on the paddle board, the way she’d gotten so pissed he’d put the clit stimulating cream on her at Bob’s Steakhouse. One corner of his mouth jerked up, thinking about all thosefalling-in-lovemicro-moments. It wasn’t love at first sight; it was lust. The glimmering instances, the short bursts of humor and joy, had manifested into what felt like an all-consuming instant love. But it was an accumulation of all those mini-connections over time. “Ahhh damn it, I’m crazy about her. I like her a lot…”
“Like?” Jenae cut in, smirking. “Like? Little brother…”
His eyes locked with his big sister’s. They knew each other too well, and they’d always been honest with each other. He was the first person in the family Jenae had told she was gay. He was sixteen, and she was twenty when they were drinking beer around the firepit her second summer home from college. She’d opened up to him, and he’d said he knew and didn’t care. He was the only one who knew Jenae’s new love had been a man before.Jake had said it didn’t matter as long as Jenae loved her. That was what mattered.
His lips curled into a tight smile as he met Jenae’s intense eyes. “Okay, ‘like’ may not be the right description of my feelings.” He lowered his eyes, purposely striking an irritated pose as he glowered down at his sister. “Don’t make me say it out loud.”
She walked toward him. “Say it. Come on, Jakee, say it,” Jenae teased, calling him by his baby name, moving into him, wrapping her arms around his waist. He rested his chin on the top of her head, extending his arms around her, and a stillness washed over his agitated nervous system. Jenae did that to him; her quiet confidence in him was infectious.
“Okay, love, I love her. Shit, there, I said it out loud.” Her eyes traveled up to him. She’d never heard him say something like that with such earnestness. He matched her stare and whispered, “That’s what makes this so fucking hard,” a surrendering quality to his voice.
She stepped back, her expression transforming from comforting to lecturing…as only a big sister can do, he thought, trying not to shake his head at her. “So, Jake, that’s your answer—you need to talk to her after this week of festivities. Then tell her you know, and it doesn’t matter. I know you, and you’ll have difficulty faking your way through Sunday, but you can’t blow this up by talking to her before. Put this in a box and enjoy this week, not just for your sake but for her sake as well. You don’t know how she will take this when you talk. It doesn’t take a genius to know that she cares about you too, and well…Jake, she’s got to be apprehensive, at the very least, of your reaction. I suspect she would be afraid to tell anyone.”
Jake nodded his head. He knew what he needed to do.
Chapter Thirteen
The open-air barn had been transformed into a magical setting. Outdoor lighting crisscrossed the ceiling, twinkling above the dance floor. The walls were lined with burlap-covered hay bales for extra seating, and round tables circled the dance floor. A long buffet table covered with silver chafing trays and bowls of salty snacks lined one wall. The back of the barn had a long wooden bar that looked fully stocked. Heat lamps surrounded the perimeter, projecting warmth into the large space.
Rakell could hear the music and the sounds of people laughing and talking as she stepped out of the Uber. She noticed that clear zip-up plastic walls had been pulled tightly from pole to pole, providing a wall to keep guests warm on the February night while still allowing the whole thing to seem open. She made her way to the large opening to the barn with champagne and a card in hand. Giving herself a pep talk, she reminded herself that she was doing this for Jake. He had assured her there would be no media here and that his family thought it was awesome that she’d cheered him on from the owner’s box in San Antonio.
Getting ready, she had changed outfits five times and was about to back out, deciding to text. She’d say that she still wanted to talk in a couple of days but didn’t want to ‘intrude’ on his family-friends party tonight. As she sat on the side of her bed, grabbing her phone to send him the text, she saw she had received two.
Jake:Looking forward to seeing you tonight…Send
Matt:You better go Princess…Send
She hesitated when she got to the entrance, trying to even out her breath. When she walked in, a woman with what Rakell thought defined big Texas hair, sitting at a small table greeted her. “Welcome.” She smiled, grabbing a pen and looking down at a paper with rows of printed names. “You are?”
“Rakell McCarthy.”
“Oh yes, right here.” The woman crossed off her name. “I can take your gift.” She stretched her hand out to grab the bag that held the champagne, nodding to the table behind her covered with champagne, wine, and liquor. Rakell realized her gift wasn’t that original. “The hosts are requesting that there be no photographs or recordings. So please leave cell phones in your bag; we will have everything here for you when you leave. The Skyler family has strict instructions. They would like everyone to feel comfortable knowing that no pictures from tonight will be sent to media outlets,” the woman said dryly, extending her hand for Rakell’s purse. “Jake has someone special…” She stopped, registering Rakell’s face. “Oh goodness, sweetie, you’re the girl…” She stood. “I’m Aunt Addy, Addy Skyler.” She winked at Rakell, extending her hand. “Married to the bartender in the back. David’s younger brother.”
“Nice to meet you…I’m Rakell…” she said as she shook her hand.
“Yes, that’s right, Rakell McCarthy, the nextSports Illuminatedcover model. We know! We love how you cheered Jake on. My husband said he better find that girl and make sure he marries her…”
Rakell stiffened, her hand dropping to her side.
The woman's hands went to her face, registering Rakell’s reaction. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to jump ahead, but we’d be delighted to see Jake finally settle down and behave himself, you know. He’s a good boy but has always been a little mischievous.Again, I’m saying too much. Jake already told me to quit talking that way. You both had things to work through.”
“Yes, yes, that is correct…” Rakell said in a rushed whisper, her brain repeating:work through…and in her head thinking,he has no idea.
“Please don’t tell him I said anything. He seems very on edge, sort of unlike him, but I think it’s a sign, you know, that he’s smitten. Just so you know, the whole family would rejoice to see him with such a nice girl.”
Rakell forced her lips into a small smile, nodding at the woman. Monday, she just had to get to Monday. She needed to talk to Jake.Such a nice girl,blared in her head. “Thank you, thank you…” jumped from her mouth.
