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“You’ll probably be sleeping,” he returned.
I shook my head. “I’ll be up.”
He offered a nod in return. “I’ll call you when I land.”
We gave each other one final kiss and embrace before separating our mouths and bodies.
And not even a minute later, Griffin was gone, leaving my heart feeling like it had been broken into a million tiny pieces.
* * *
I thought losing everything had been the hardest thing I’d ever done in my life.
I was wrong.
It was this.
It was coming home on a Friday evening, knowing I wouldn’t get to see Griffin on the weekend.
It was knowing I wouldn’t have an unexpected knock at my door that would have his face on the other side, waiting to surprise me.
It was waking up every morning hating that the previous night’s phone conversation just wasn’t enough.
It was looking forward to those scraps of time I did get on the phone or a video call.
Three weeks had passed.
Just three weeks, and it felt like it had been three years without him.
Griffin gave a lot over the last three weeks, doing whatever he could to help ease us into this separation, and I appreciated everything about how hard he was trying to make me feel better.
I only wished I could have done the same in return.
Unfortunately, I didn’t know what I could possibly do when I felt so lost without him here.
I managed to do okay when I was working, and I had developed a deeper connection with a couple of my coworkers, which was great. Work helped to take my mind off of how much I missed Griffin.
But when I was home, it was this.
I came home on a Friday after work and spent a matter of ten minutes in my place when the knock came at the door.
Every Friday, I moved to the door, accepted the delivery, and walked back inside.
Then I’d open the cellophane around the flowers, trim their stems, and arrange them in the vase Griffin had made for me during our pottery-making date night. It was one of the few things that truly made me happy.
Not the flowers themselves—though I did adore them every single time—but the fact that Griffin made sure to send me flowers every week at the same time. He found a way to give me something to smile about when he couldn’t be here.
Though I loved the vase the night he’d made it, I hadn’t expected it would wind up being such an important piece in my life now.
Very little had the power to make me as happy as seeing those fresh flowers in my vase each week did.
God, it felt like Griffin was so far away. Even when I had him on the phone, even when I could see him on the screen in front of me, I felt like he was half a world away.
I thought it would get easier to manage, but the ache in my chest just wouldn’t go away. I knew we were both doing what needed to be done now, but it sucked. I could only hope it was all going to work out in the end.
For now, I had no choice but to accept that this was the way it was.
For now, I’d have to find and hold on to the bits of happiness I felt when I got to see or talk to Griffin over the phone.
