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Finally, I shook my head. “I’m sure you can guess what my answer was. I had no intention of leaving, and that caused even more friction between us. We did try marriage counseling for a bit.”
“It didn’t help?” Emma asked.
“I don’t know. For me, all it did was make Lisa more determined to start a new life somewhere else. I started to resent her and couldn’t understand why she wasn’t happy here with the life we’d built. I know that was unfair, especially considering I don’t think either one of us was truly in love with the other. A part of me wonders if she knew then that she was sick, and shesimply wanted to follow a lost dream. Sometimes I wish I would have encouraged her.”
Looking into Emma’s eyes, I let out a breath. “The guilt I have for not giving her the things she wanted is what drives me to get lost in a bottle of whiskey some nights. The day she found out she had cancer, I was on a search and rescue. She’d told me about the appointment. We were living apart at the time, but I knew she was going to her doctor and was nervous about it. I was up in those mountains looking for some tourists who thought they could easily find their way back to the trail if they went off of it to explore. I wasn’t there for Lisa on one of the hardest days of her life. And now I have these…”
I stopped talking, and after a moment, Emma tilted her head and asked, “You have what?”
Swallowing hard, I shook my head. “Nothing. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m not perfect. Far from it. I need time to let this all settle in, and I’m so sorry for this morning. I’m not trying to make you feel sorry for me, I swear, but I am very, very sorry for upsetting you.”
When she offered a small smile, I had to look away.Why does her smile make my damn chest squeeze?
“I understand the emotion behind this morning. But I have to be honest with you, Aiden.”
“Of course.”
“I won’t let anyone yell, or…”
Her words trailed off—and a strong part of me knew she’d been about to add “hit me.”
“I don’t want a reason to leave.”
“And I promise I won’t give you one.”
A resolved look played across her face. “Let’s forget this morning and move on,” she stated.
“That sounds good.”
Emma stood. “Before I leave, there was something I needed to talk to you about. Tammy had mentioned me volunteering at the school. I didn’t want to do anything without speaking to you. I’m just the nanny, so it might seem strange to others if I were helping at the school.”
“Um…well…I think itissomething that Hadley would like…you know, if you helped out with parties and such at the school. In fact, she’d love that. With my job, I could get pulled away and miss something, so it would be nice to know you can be there for her.”
The corner of her lip twitched with a hidden smile.
With a grin, I asked, “Do youwantto volunteer at the school, Emma?”
“Yes.”
The word was out of her mouth before I think evensherealized it.
“I mean, it would give me something else to do during the day. I was thinking of also asking your parents if they might need any help. Volunteering my time, of course.”
Laughing, I rolled my eyes. “You might want to really think about that. My mother will put you on every community and church committee known to man if she thinks she can.”
“Well, she did already invite me to her ladies church group.”
I groaned. “I forgot to warn you about that.”
Emma grinned and looked around before focusing back on me. “It’s fine. She was just wanting me to feel welcome. So…umm, we’re good, Aiden?”
I followed her lead. “Yeah, we’re good.”
“No more worrying about me trying to be a mom, and no more of me freaking out on you.”
With my voice soft, I replied, “You didn’t freak out, Emma.”
Every part of me wanted to ask her about her ex, but I stopped myself. I made a note to go and talk to Rose. She might have a bit more information.
