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My head felt like it was stuck in a dark tunnel. I opened my mouth to say something and couldn’t. I could barely process everything he was saying to me right now.
He closed his eyes for a brief moment, then opened them. “Emma, I’m so sorry. I’ll never forgive myself for not getting you out of there when my gut told me to. For ignoring how I felt about you. For the baby…”
My gaze dropped to the ground. This was all too much.
Bill placed his finger under my chin and lifted my eyes to his. “For letting my brother have the one woman I loved.”
The air left my lungs. Bill didn’t live in Dallas and hardly ever came home, except during the holidays. There were times I would see him staring at me, but I always assumed it was because he knew what Ben was doing. Maybe he’d seen a bruise that wasn’t covered all the way or saw me flinch anytime Ben raised a hand.
“Bill, I?—”
He leaned in and pressed his mouth to mine.
At first, I wasn’t sure what to do. But before I could even react, Bill stepped away. The kiss was over as fast as it had begun.
“I know you don’t want me, Emma. And I don’t blame you; I wouldn’t want any part of that past either. It’s just, when I found the letter, I knew I had to give it to you in person so I could say I was sorry and tell you how I felt.”
He looked away, then back at me. “I hope you find happiness and love, Emma. Lord knows you deserve it.”
Not sure what to say or do, I whispered, “I hope you do as well.”
Then he turned and walked toward a car that had been parked a bit farther down the street from the church. I had no idea how he even knew I was at the church to begin with, and Iwasn’t about to question it. Bill was clearly good at his job. And he should be, after all. He worked for the FBI.
I watched as he got into the car and continued to stare until he turned down a street and was out of sight. Glancing down to the letter, I took a deep breath and opened it.
Dear Emma,
If you’re reading this, it’s because I’ve passed away. When I found out I had cancer, I felt relieved. To know I might be able to escape the madness I’d lived with the last forty years was a welcome thing. Please don’t judge me for that.
I’m sorry I never helped you. I’m sorry my attempts at warning you in the beginning weren’t good enough for you to see. I’m sorry I raised my boys in that environment. My husband wasn’t a good man, and rarely showed any kindness. If Ben did one thing right, he kept his brother away from most of the horrible things their father did to me.
I’m not writing you to make excuses, I’m writing to tell you I think you are the bravest woman I’ve ever met. You got out, and I want you to know I’m so proud of you, Emma.
Not all men are like Ben and his father. I know you will find true love and happiness. I know you will be stronger for this, and I know that someday you will be the mother that neither your own mother, nor I, could ever be for you.
You are a survivor, Emma…do not ever forget. When the time comes, and you’ll know when it happens, take the step even though it may feel like a giant leap. You can do it. After all, you’ve done much harder things in your life.
I love you,
Lee
Staring down at the letter, I felt my entire body tremble. I wasn’t sure if I was angry, sad, confused, or terrified.
I’d always known deep inside that his mom and brother knew exactly what was going on, but never wanted to admit to myself that they’d just let it happen. Myownmother told me it had to be something I was doing to make Ben so angry. Was I not giving him enough sex? Was it the fact that I couldn’t get pregnant again after the miscarriage? Everything had been my fault in her eyes.
I never told a soul I’d started taking birth control pills after my miscarriage. I didn’t dare risk getting pregnant again with his child. Risk tying me to a man who would possibly hurt my own child.
Now I’d found out everyone in my life who was close to me knew how Ben had treated me. And no one cared enough to do anything. I crumpled the paper with angry hands and threw it into a trash can.
“Emma?”
The sound of Aiden’s voice made me turn, but not before I swiped at the stray tear that managed to slip free.
“Who was that? Are you okay?”
Squaring my shoulders, I smiled. “I’m fine. And it was someone from my past, my ex-brother-in-law, Bill.” I quickly walked by him, but he reached out and gently took my hand.
“Please talk to me, Emma.”
