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He looks pained. “I want to. I mean, I’ve tried to get her alone a few times, but Claudia is like a watchdog.” Kevin smirks. “Honestly, I don’t want to give her false hope. I need to wrap my head around being truly faithful before I approach her.”
I nod. “Don’t even think about messing around with her until you get there. She doesn’t deserve to be dicked around more than she already has. If you go there, plan on forever.”
He slinks down into his chair. “I know.”
Kevin scrunches his nose. “I wouldn’t wait too long. I think she has her first date next week. Claudia set it up for her.”
Sebastian’s eyes look like they’re going to pop out of his head. “What the fuck, Claudia?”
“It’s not my wife’s fault. In a few weeks it will be a year and a half since your divorce. It’s not like you sit at home pining for her like she is for you. Claudia is just trying to help Lindsay finally move on. She’s being a good friend.”
I look at Sebastian. “He’s right. She’s not going to wait forever for you to grow up. Get your head on straight for her.”
Sebastian nods. “I think I’d rather talk about you, Dom. How are things with you and Beth?”
I smile. “Amazing. I’m thinking of asking her and Luke to move in with us. I hate that we have to spend so many nights apart. I want them with us.”
They both have shocked looks on their faces. Sebastian turns to Kevin. “It’s like déjà vu. It’s been over twenty years, but when he’s in, he’s all in. Full steam.”
I snap, “It’s nothing like that. You were right back then that she was no good for me, but it’s different this time around. Beth is amazing. I thought I was too fucked up to give myself to one woman again. It turns out, I was just waiting for the right one. I have no desire for anyone else. You guys like her, right?”
They enthusiastically nod their heads. Kevin places his hand on my shoulder. “You found the right one this time. And I’ve never seen you this happy.”
I turn to Sebastian. “What about you?”
“You’re happy and I’m happy for you. Just take it from me, get rid of your past demons before you try to move on. I fucked things up with Lindsay because I wasn’t in the right headspace. I couldn’t let go of certain things.”
I get back to my office and think about what Sebastian said regarding my past demons. I haven’t let anyone in for over twenty years because of what happened. Maybe I need to confront it. Confront her. The woman who broke my heart. The woman who altered the course of my life.
I pull up the google search bar on my computer when there’s a knock at my door. I look up and see Reagan. “Come in.”
She walks into my office. “I’m really sorry to do this to you, but is there any chance you can fly to Chicago this afternoon to close the Jennings purchase? All of a sudden, they want us there in person. Skylar and I aren’t allowed to fly at this point in our pregnancies. Carter is afraid to be that far from me. I know it’s asking a lot with the kids, but you’re the only other person I trust to close this. It’s just one night.”
I don’t want to let her down. She’s been so flexible with me these past few months. “I’ll figure something out. I have someone who can probably stay with the kids for a night.”
She smiles. “Is that someone named Beth O’Connell?”
I guess the news is out. I nod. “It is.”
“I had lunch with her recently. She’s quite smitten with you.”
I can’t help but smile. “I’m smitten with her as well. She’s an amazing woman.”
“She is. Well, thanks for doing this. I’ll email everything you need.”
“No problem.”
She leaves and closes the door behind her. I look back at my computer to the google search bar. The cursor is blinking, taunting me. I haven’t looked her up since the day she imploded my life. I have no idea what happened to her or where she lives. We never even had the chance to say goodbye. Maybe it’s time to reach out.
I take a deep breath and start to type her full name.
Amanda Tremaine
Very little information pops up. I guess she never became a famous artist like she wanted to. She was extremely talented. I’ve always half expected to walk in somewhere and see her name on paintings, but I never have.
The only thing I’m able to gather from my search is that she still lives in Philadelphia and has a daughter. Do I really need a conversation with her at this point? Part of me thinks it’s crazy, but then part of me knows that I haven’t been in a real relationship until now because of her, so maybe I do. Maybe I need to know what I did wrong.
An email comes through from Reagan. I need to get caught up on the file before I leave.
