AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Are you going to spend your life alone because some asshole broke your heart? You’re too good for that. You’re the one who deserves more. You deserve everything.”
I look at him. He’s so handsome and genuine.
Why? Why can’t I be attracted to a normal, kind, loving man like Shawn? He might love me if I let him. He probably wouldn’t dump me on a whim, though I’m hardly a good judge of character. But I’m certainly never putting myself out there only to be beat down and abandoned again. It’s not worth the risk.
About eight months ago, we worked together on another file. Despite me having left our first date abruptly that night when Dominic cornered me, Shawn asked me out again. I told him I was nursing a broken heart and wasn’t up for dating.
He suggested a friendship. A shoulder to cry on. I was still a mess and desperate for male companionship, so I took him up on his offer. I hadn’t been out socially since before Dominic left.
Before Dominic left. That’s what my life has turned into. Who I was before Dominic left, and who I’ve become since. B.D. and A.D.
Shawn and I hit it off as friends. We’ve spent so much time together this year. We’re each other’s constant dates at functions, he keeps me company on the nights that I’m alone, when the darkness falls over me, and is always good for a laugh or two when I need it the most.
“I’m sorry, Shawn. That’s all I can say right now.” I stand. “I think it’s time for me to go.”
He pinches his eyebrows together. “Why don’t we have another drink? I don’t want you to leave upset.”
“I’m fine. I have some work to do tonight anyway.” I don’t, but I’m not interested in this conversation with him. It’s clear we want different things.
“I’ll drive you.”
I give him an apologetic smile. “I drove myself, remember?” I try to do that as much as I can. It makes the end of the night much easier.
I walk over and kiss him on the cheek. “You’re a wonderful man and an incredible friend. You’ll find the right woman one day. It’s not me though. I’m not good for anyone.”
He kisses me back. “You’re wrong. One day you’ll realize that.”
There’s no sense in arguing. “Good night, Shawn.”
“Good night, beautiful.”
I aimlessly walk for a bit thinking about what he said. He’s not wrong. I deserve to be happy. I’ve been anything but this past year, just going through the motions.
The weeks after Dominic left and cut off all communications were the worst of my life. Worse than when Gary and I first split. Worse than when my mother died. With her, at least I knew it was coming and prepared myself. With him, it came out of nowhere. I was blindsided. I was madly in love with him and then he vanished into thin air. He dismissed me from his life as though I meant nothing. Less than nothing.
Worst of all, Luke was heartbroken. He adored Dominic. At the time, Trevor was the closest thing he had to a father figure, but Dominic was spending more and more time with him, and Luke fell for him too. He fell for the happy family life we both had been craving.
Luke kept blaming himself. I have no idea why. I told him it wasn’t his fault, but I was barely holding my head above water at the time. If I’m being honest, I don’t feel that much differently now. I’ve just learned how to mask my pain from the world.
I live in quicksand. The more I move, the further I sink.
The ride home feels quick because my mind is moving a mile a minute. I replay my last conversation with Dominic, as I’ve done thousands of times over the past year. He so easily dismissed me and has clearly forgotten me. I haven’t heard from him since his goodbye call. He’s probably fucked half of Cuba by now. Pain laces through me at the thought of him with another woman. Women.
I pull into my house and see the lights on inside. Huh, I don’t remember leaving them on.
I walk in and see my ex-husband, Gary, sitting on my couch. “Gary? What are you doing here?”
He blows out a breath. “Luke didn’t want to sleep over. He said he needed his own bed, so we came back here. He’s asleep. I was just waiting for you to come home.”
I nod in understanding. “I’m sorry. Maybe one day soon he’ll feel comfortable staying at your place. I thought tonight was finally the night. He promised it was.”
He looks defeated. “When do you think it will happen?”
I roll my eyes. “I don’t know, Gary. You abandoned him for over seven years. You can’t just waltz back in and expect him to act as if everything is perfect with you.”
“I’m trying, Bethy.”
Ugh. I hate when he calls me that. I always have.
