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When he leaves, I begin looking through my mail. I eventually get to a pile of letters. Long letters. There are dozens of them. All from Beckett to me. They’re dated. It looks like he wrote one every single day I was gone.
I sit and start reading them. They’re quite possibly the most loving, romantic things I’ve ever read in my entire life. Every single one expresses how sorry he is and how much he loves me. And not only that. They’re his journey of self-reflection. How he is learning to trust again after what happened with Jenny. How he knows that fighting for the sake of pain is wrong. As the days go on, I can see in his words how he’s healing from his struggles and how much he wants and needs me in his life.
One of his first letters hits me particularly hard.
My mother told me that you confided in her what my father said to you the night you met him. I asked you a million times to tell me and am realizing you were trying to protect me by keeping silent, but I want to protect you too. If someone hurts you, they hurt me. What he said to you is unforgivable. He’s toxic. I’ve cut him out of my life. I realized that I tried so hard for somany years to have a relationship with him, but he’s not the kind of person I want in our life. Yours, mine, Andie’s, and our baby’s. Our family.
Cherry pie, I acknowledge that what I said to you cut even deeper because it came from someoneyou love. Someone to whom you’ve given your unconditional love. You were owed the same. I’m ashamed of how I treated you. Thank you for loving me. I promise to always do the same for you every minute of every day moving forward.
The letters get more and more remorseful and reflective as the days go on.
I know that I’ve been more fortunate than most in my life, but being used by people has taken its toll on me. My wife never loving me cut me deeper than I ever realized. I’ve allowed the damage to continue to chip away at me for over six years until it’s left me as a shell of the man I once was. But he’s still in there. Please don’t give up on him. He’s full of love for you. Please know that.
I love every single thing about you, but it’s your pure heart that I love most. I’m in awe of you. You’ve been knocked down so many times, but you still stand tall, and you give people the benefit of the doubt. I want to be like you. I’m a work in progress, but I know with certainty there’s one person I will NEVER again doubt. That’s you, my love.
Our child will be so incredibly blessed to have you as his or her mother. If I could cook up the most perfect mother ever, it would be you. I couldn’t ask for anyone better.
My own mother thinks we were always fated to be together. I believe that too. She considers you the daughter she never had.
I admittedly never gave much thought to fate, but I suppose that was before we met. You burst into that room at Reagan’s party all those years ago and my heart just about exploded. I think when you reached for my hand that night, I knew. That’s why I had to kiss you even though I shouldn’t have. It’s because we’re two halves of the same heart, always meant to find our way to the other. I closed my eyes and felt your lips on mine every single day until I felt them again for real during our first intimate night together. The night that you took the leap of faith. Thank you for doing that.
Making love to you is everything. A connection that it’s hard to believe is real,but it’s real between us. Nothing has ever felt more right. I know you feel it too.
Every single letter ends with something he can’t wait for us to do with our baby. Things neither of us were able to do for our other children. Things he wants to do as a full family.
Each letter is signed:
Forever Enchanted,
Beckett
By the time I finish, I’m in a puddle of snot and tears. What am I going to do with him?
I’m sittingon Jade and Collin’s couch, inhaling every bit of Tyson. I love this baby smell. “Oh, Jade, he’s perfect.”
Just then, Tyson grabs my nipple and squeezes it. I wince in pain.
Collin quickly grabs him. “Buddy, I told you that you’re only allowed to touch the nipples of non-family members. And be gentle.” He loudly whispers, “Unless they like it harder. Some of them do.” He winks at Jade, and she blows him a kiss. I love their playfulness.
Without me thinking about it, my sweater falls open, leaving me in a now too-tight T-shirt. Jade just about chokes on her water. “What. The. Fuck.”
I look down. Shit. I was planning to tell her aftertomorrow’s ultrasound. That’s why I wore an oversized sweater. I guess this conversation is happening right now.
Her eyes are wide open. “When there was a photo online two months ago of you coming out of the OB’s office, I said,every woman goes to an OB, and my beloved mother would definitely tell me if there was something else to report.”
“I was planning to wait until after my ultrasound tomorrow, but I guess that ship has sailed. I’m pregnant.”
Collin says, “Did you hear that, Tyson? You’re getting a playmate. Is it a cousin?”
Jade shakes her head. “No, it will be Tyson’s aunt or uncle, because it’s totally normal to have an aunt or uncle younger than you.”
Collin starts laughing. “Holy shit. That’s amazing.” He kisses my cheek. “Congratulations. That’s one fucking rich baby.” He talks into my stomach. “Did you hear that? You’re not even born yet and you legit never need to work a day in your life. Party it up, brother.”
I can’t help but laugh at him.
Jade smacks his ass. “Don’t encourage him, Mom.”
He smiles at her. “You love me.”
