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“Thank you. I’m proud of me too. How’s your dad?”
“He’s fine. He and Melissa just got back from another trip. With Reagan and Skylar about to give birth, I know they wanted to be home.”
Declan and Melissa travel a lot. He’s a professional photographer and is often sent on weekslong assignments all over the world. Melissa loves traveling with him. She’s fluent in several languages, and I know she immerses herself in the culture of wherever they travel.
“How are Skylar and Reagan holding up?”
“They’re fine. Reagan is huge. Way bigger than Skylar. They bicker about it at the office constantly. It’s hysterical.”
“They’re lucky their kids will be so close in age.”
“For sure. She might claim otherwise, but I think Reagan is secretly happy that Skylar is having a baby too. She can help Reagan, and the babies can grow up together.” This is Reagan’s first child but Skylar’s third.
“Aunt Darian must be over the moon.”
“Hell yes. She’s like a lunatic with excitement. Grandkids nine and ten come in the next month or so.”
I shake my head. “Wow. That’s incredible. She’s so blessed. I can’t imagine.”
“She said she’s going to have to buy another dining room table.”
I laugh, knowing it’s a running joke that Darian keeps buying new tables as the family grows. She’s on her third or fourth in the past ten years.
Later that nightI turn on my computer and click on the Zoom link. Dr. Pearl’s face appears. She’s in her uniform cardigan sweater, with perfectly brushed, short, dark hair that’s a little grayer than it used to be. I have no doubt that my daughter is at least partially responsible for it. She’s probably ten years older than me.
She smiles. “Good evening. Did everything go through today?”
I nod. “Yes. I’m officially a divorcé.”
“How do you feel about it?”
“Is it wrong to say I’m both happy and sad? Happy to finally put an end to this chapter, but sad that I hurt a nice man. I’m also sad that I wasted so many years with him, but then I feel guilty about feeling that way. He did nothing wrong.”
“You’re entitled to your feelings, Amanda. Did you do anything special tonight? I hope you weren’t alone. Even though you wanted it, I have no doubt you’re feeling emotional. Divorce is a big deal.”
“My two best friends and Jade were here. We had an ice cream party.”
“Good. I’m glad you weren’t alone.”
“Speaking of not being alone, I know Jade is seeingsomeone. Likely an older man. She won’t tell me anything, but I’m pretty sure she’s going away with him.”
“You know I can’t and won’t say anything.”
I smile. “It never stops me from trying.”
She returns my smile. “No, it doesn’t. You’re relentless.”
“I know. I just worry about her; about the negative influence I’ve been in her life. I stay up at night fearing she’ll become me.”
“A loving, caring, selfless, kind person?” She sarcastically adds, “Yes, that would be truly horrific.”
Tears form in my eyes. “I just don’t want her to be alone like I’ve always been, making mistake after mistake. I don’t want her to face the struggles I’ve faced in my life.”
“She won’t. Jade is fine, and you’re not a negative influence. Just the opposite. You’re a good mother. A great mother. Just because you personally struggled at times doesn’t make you a bad mother. Her needs always came first for you. That’s the very definition of a good mother. But she’s an adult now. It’s finally time to put your needs first. We’ve discussed this.”
I’m silent. I know she’s right. We’ve been building toward this for over four years.
“Amanda, you dated Rick because you thought a stable man was best for Jade. You were never truly attracted to him. You then took it a step further and entered into your marriage because you thought it was best for Jade. You knew it wasn’t best for you, yet you did it anyway. Jade is a self-sufficient adult. It’s okay to think about yourself now. You’re entitled. Find what you want.Whoyou want. It’s time. Have you gone on any dates?”
