AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Damn, don’t hold back, Tony. Let me know how you really feel.
“Okay then…” I reply, having no idea what to say to this disgusting guy.
Tony leers at me, waiting for me to ask him a question, but I’ve got nothing. I just desperately want this night to be over.
“So, I’m a big fan of gaming in case you’re wondering. My latest obsession is World of Warcraft. Have you ever played? I’d really like to find a lady who plays because it’s a big part of my life and I need someone who understands.”
OMG. This whole thing is so much worse than I even imagined.
“I’ve actually never played. Sorry…”
Tony then goes on to spend the rest of our five minutes explaining the ins and outs of the game. He seems surprisedwhen the bell chimes and it’s time to move on. He winks at me and says, “Definitely want to continue this conversation later on.”
Next comes Nick. He is quite handsome and polished in khakis and a navy-blue quarter-zip sweater. I wonder why he’s here. I’m guessing it isn’t too hard for him to find dates. But, as soon as he starts peppering me with questions about my net worth, my five-year plan and how many hours I work a week, I figure out exactly why he’s here.
“Have you opened a Roth IRA yet?” he asks intently. “Everyone should have one, no exceptions.”
“Um, it’s on my list but I haven’t quite gotten to it yet.”
“Add it to your to-do list for tomorrow. You are literally losing money every day not having one.”
“Yeah, I’ll do that.” I give him a tight smile and glance at my phone to see how much longer I have with this jackass.
“Would you say you have a shopping habit?” he asks, glancing at my silk top. “So many women just spend needlessly and hope the credit card bills will just disappear.”
The bell chimes and I feel relief flood my body. Next, please…
Tom sits down across from me next. He smells like a combination of bread and mothballs. We make small talk for a couple of minutes before he excitedly tells me that his mother would justadoreme.
“When do you think you could come by to meet her?” he asks.
“It’s a bit soon for that, don’t you think, Tom?” I’m trying to hide the laughter that is threatening to bubble out of me.
“Mom and I live together, so you’ll certainly meet her soon enough. She enjoys making dinner for me and my dates. She makes a mean meatloaf.”
No, thank you, Tom. I definitely won’t be meeting your mom or sampling her fine cuisine.
About this time, I start looking around for the cameras that must be recording all this. Did Lauren pay someone to set this all up as a prank? It’s all tooCandid Camerafor it to be real. But, there are no cameras to be seen.
The bell chimes again and Al takes a seat across from me. Al is OLD. I’m talking wrinkles, a balding head and a striped golf shirt kind of old. We begin chatting and I casually ask his age.
“Thirty-five,” he replies, looking me directly in the eye.
I almost start laughing. If Al is 35, I’m Miss America.
He is obviously annoyed at my reaction. “I realize I seem a little bit older than that. I’ve always been very mature for my age.”
Oh, is that how he’s spinning it? Mature for my age, my ass. Al is just a straight-up liar and he obviously thinks I’m a total idiot.
I muddle through the rest of our allotted time together, praying for the bell to chime so I can be released from this hell.
As soon as the bell rings, I jump up out of my seat and immediately head for the door. I hear Riley calling out to me, “I hope you enjoyed your time with us tonight. Please let me know who you connected with and would like to see again.”
Like hell, I would. I wouldn’t go out with any of these guys if someone paid me a million dollars.
As I’m walking out the door another woman is right behind me. As I hold the door for her we look at each other and bust out laughing. We swap horror stories from the night as we’re walking down the street. She tells me about a guy named Charlie who I didn’t get a chance to meet. Charlie asked her if she was into threesomes and when she said no, he rolled his eyes and complained about how uptight New York women are. I look at her in disbelief and decide I’m never dating again. We share a few more outrageous details about the night before heading in different directions.
The walk home is bone-chilling and I am so happy when I finally arrive and can get comfy in my flannel pajamas. Never again will I go to a speed dating session. I don’t care how much Lauren begs me.
