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Sweeping, I daydream about what it will be like to have a real date with Spencer. Where would we go? Would I invite him back to my place or maybe we’d go to his place? I’m guessing he’s got an incredible apartment in some swanky high-rise.
Should I respond to his note? Or wait until we can talk again and tell him then that I’d love to see him again?
It’s been another long day of sitting on a cushion. I had no idea how tired I would be from meditating all day long. It makes absolutely no sense. I’m lying in my bed now, trying to keep my eyes open.
I’m getting the hang of meditation though. Except for the first session this morning when I couldn’t take my eyes off Spencer, I feel like I’m not fighting my own thoughts nearly as much as I was a few days ago when the retreat started.
I really want to try to meditate consistently when I get back to real life. I know it will be hard though because my days are busy and when I get home I mostly just want to be totally lazy and lay on the couch. But, hell, the couch is a great place to meditate, right? Where there’s a will there’s a way.
I start reading my book but thoughts of Spencer keep invading my thoughts. What would it be like to date him? Is he as picky about everything as he is about the type of woman he’s looking for? Do we have much in common? I wonder what his family islike. Would they like me? I desperately want to get to know him better.
I’m also dying to be in bed with him again but I think it’s important that we get to know each other more before that happens. It’s super easy to get caught up in someone when the sex is amazing without paying enough attention to the things that make a relationship good for the long haul. Things like values, morals, likes and dislikes. And, of course, there’s the whole dishwasher-loading situation…
Thoughts of Travis float through my mind as well. I was so hopeful that he wasthe one. That we would settle down and start talking about having a family. I was certain that was the path we were on… until I wasn’t.
I want what Lindy and Dan have. The certainty. The partnership. The feeling that someone you love has your back. And I absolutely want a family–with all my heart.
I love seeing Annabelle any chance I can. I babysit her sometimes when Lindy and Dan need a night out. We sit on the floor for hours and play with her toys, giggling the whole time. When it’s time for her to go to sleep she begs me to climb in her “big girl bed” with her while she falls asleep. She doesn’t need to beg though because I absolutely love that time with her. Humming her a little sleepy tune and smelling her freshly shampooed hair. I usually fall asleep myself and Lindy and Dan find us both there when they get home.
And now I’ll have another little niece or maybe a nephew this time. And, as much as I love them to death, I don’t want to be just an aunt. I also want one (or four!) of my own. And my wish is for that to happen sooner rather than later.
Chapter 12
Spencer
Ihoped after Sasha got my message she would come see me, but she didn’t. I laid awake for awhile listening for her but eventually fell asleep.
After breakfast, I head over to the desk hoping Sasha left me a note and find instead an urgent message from Laney. The current deal I’m working on has totally gone sideways. She said she’d only contact me if she absolutely had to, so I know it must be urgent.
I find a staff member and motion her over to a small room off the dining room.
“Hi,” I whisper, “my assistant sent me a note and said it’s urgent that I call her. Is there a phone I can use?”
Jane raises her eyebrows and sternly says, “Is there any way this can wait until tomorrow when the retreat finishes up?”
“I’m afraid not.”
She presses her lips together and motions for me to follow her back into the kitchen and then into a small office area off the kitchen.
She points to a phone. “Please make your call as short as possible. We really encourage you to completely unplug when you’re here, but I know things happen sometimes that make it impossible to do that.”
“I really appreciate it,” I say enthusiastically, and wait for her to leave the room before I pick up the phone to dial Laney.
She picks up on the first ring. “Oh, thank God you got my message, Spencer. I really need your help to keep this deal from falling apart.”
I feel a lump in my throat but respond in my usual ultra-professional manner. “Okay, Laney. Tell me what’s happening. What do we need to fix?”
We end up talking for close to an hour but at the end of the call I feel comfortable that she can continue fixing the problem on her own.
“I really appreciate your work on this, Laney.”
“Of course. It’s odd how these things always seem to happen when you’re out of town.”
“Yeah,” I say. “I need to go. Gotta get back to the retreat.”
“Of course! How’s it going?”
“It’s definitely not what I expected,” I respond, thinking about Sasha and our sleepover the other night.
