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Roman looks as though a gun is being held to his head when he forces a stiff grin and yells, “Cheese!”
I giggle when the other visitors turn to watch us, shocked at the sudden outburst from this unlikely grown man. I quickly snap the picture before Roman goes back to his brooding self.
When I check, my heart warms. Leo is smiling so widely that his eyes are closed, and Roman’s dazzling smile, though fake, is just as beautiful. They share the same point to their nose and subtle cheek dimple, their resemblance striking though I usually don’t notice it. Roman’s arms are thick and snaked by veins around Leo’s legs, his golden skin is shadowed by dark hair, and his T-shirt clings to his muscles just to highlight his glorious, capable body. A body I almost succumbed to just last night.
A body I want to succumb to again if it means more days like this.
Most of all, though, I notice the way his hands clutch Leo’s legs and his eyes drift up to glimpse his son — safe. Today, Roman is Leo’s safe place. Today, Leo has his dad. He isn’t stuck at home, wondering why Roman is never home.
“They should put this in the history books. Caption it: The only picture ever recorded of Roman Sterling with a smile on his face.”
He lets Leo down and shoots me a begrudging look, returning quickly to the grumpy man I know and dislike. “You’re hilarious.”
“I know!” I chirp happily. It’s easy to forget our tension when the world feels so bright.
We continue on, passing by the elephants, red pandas, zebras and rhinos. I linger outside while Leo and Roman go into the reptile enclosure, which earns some taunts from the latter — but there is no way I want to stand anywhere near a snake.
“I had one round my neck, Madison!” Leo exclaims as he emerges from the hut. Roman follows behind him, a hand between Leo’s shoulders.
“Ick!” I shudder, and Leo giggles. He makes me feel like the funniest person in the world, something I’ve never really been before. He laughs at everything I say and do, and finds entertainment without me having to try too hard.
Honestly, if the ideal kid existed, it would be him.
“Is that a snake on your shoulder?” Roman points, and I squeal and prance away, trying to get a look at my back.
“Where?!” I’m so panicked that I don’t even see the low bench in front of me. Right before I trip over it, two strong arms sweep me up and keep me on my feet.
Roman’s breath fills the shell of my ear, his cologne wafting around me. “Kidding.”
Rolling my eyes, I elbow him in the ribcage. Leo claps like we’re in a wrestling match. Still, his hands linger on my hips, and the spot feels so sensitive that I forget how to breathe. I pull his hands away slowly, backing back onto the path to put some distance between us.
Leo doesn’t need to see all this irritating tension sizzling between us.
We head to the marsupials next, and I take the opportunity to get Roman back. It seems we may actually be having fun now, which is odd. I didn’t think he was capable of it.
“Hey, look — that chimpanzee looks like your dad!” I point at the chimp behind the glass screen, who doesn’t look very happy to have an audience while eating his banana.
Roman crosses his arms, feigning an angry frown when Leo laughs right from his belly — the type of laugh that makes everyone around him laugh, too. A few couples around us grin and “aww,” as smitten by him as I am. Despite the fact I’m just his nanny, I feel pride wash over me.
“Well, if that’s me, I guess the one over there is Madison, huh, Leo?” Roman retorts.
He motions to the chimp swinging in a tree on the other side of the enclosure, showing its pink buttocks to everyone surrounding it. Leo covers his mouth with his hand, face turning beetroot-red from laughing so hard.
I put my hands on my hips, glaring defiantly at Roman, but with Leo’s chuckles, I can’t hold my composure and end up crumpling over in amusement, too.
As he grabs my hand, Leo shakes his head like an old man reminiscing on his porch. “Madison, you’re so funny. I love you.”
My feet falter. I can’t help but glance at Roman to see if he heard. Sure enough, he’s stilled behind us, pausing midway through scratching his jaw. His heavy eyes are unreadable, but his actions aren’t.
He picks Leo up, taking him away from me as he quickens our slow stroll. “Come on, bud. Let’s see what else we can find.”
And just like that, I’m on the edge of it all again. I should have known better than to believe otherwise, but I really thought I was seeing a different side to Roman today — and a different side to us. We weren’t here to fight or annoy one another. We were here to make Leo happy. Together.
Actually, he was here to prove you wrong,I remind myself. It doesn’t do anything to ease the weight behind my ribs.
I take a deep breath and smooth down the wrinkles in my dress, walking faster to catch up with them. Roman should be glad that Leo likes me. Loves me. I don’t know why he’s choosing to have a problem with it, but I won’t let him change anything. I won’t let him ruin it.
Against all odds, his little boy has a big heart, and I’ll make sure it stays that way.
