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I need to be honest.
“It was a toxic relationship. She was volatile, and I was cold, and that only made her worse. I was trying to leave her when she told me she was pregnant.” I ran a rough hand over my face, my skin pierced by Madison’s intent scrutiny. “I panicked. I never wanted to be a father. My own was awful, and I’d never learned to be any other way. But she didn’t want Leo, either, and I figured he’d be better off with me than anywhere else. I could at least provide a good life, a stable life, and I was willing to try. She walked away just after he was born. I stayed and got sole custody. My mom helps with him a lot, but she lives up in Albany now, which is why you’re here.”
Her mouth opens. Closes. I sigh, growing impatient with her goldfish impression. She has no idea what I’ve just given away — parts of myself nobody else knows. Not even Brandon. I never wanted to admit that Leo was a mistake, a child I never wanted, but there it was.
“You could have walked away,” she breathed finally.
“I could have. I’m glad I didn’t.” It’s not a lie. Fatherhood might be my hardest obstacle, my most impossible task, but Leo provides me with glimmers of love and hope that my business never could.
More so since Madison entered the picture and I saw what real love, real tenderness, looks like.
“I love Leo, but I am out of my depth. And you’re right: I’m incapable of getting close to anyone, even my son. I didn’t grow up in a home like yours, Madison. I was as emotional, sensitive, as Leo is when I was his age, but it didn’t get me trips to the zoo or cuddles on the couch. It got me punishment. In my attempts to be different from my own father, I’ve put space between us. I’ve focused on my business, my success, because it’s the only thing I’ve ever been worth in his eyes.”
She takes a long, ragged breath, gaze falling to her feet. “I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been.”
Slowly, she places her hand on my jaw, her warmth pressing against me. It is nothing like it was last time. When my hands fall across the small of her back, she doesn’t lean closer or ravage me with her mouth.
I turn into her palm. Plant a kiss there before the chance leaves for good.
We’re suspended by my confession and her surprise, and it isn’t heated or frantic or depraved, but it’s intimate nonetheless.
I want to hide from it. Sex is easy, but this… Being known…
It’s anything but.
She grazes her nose against mine, her lips so close I can taste her words when she continues. “I’m sorry, Roman. But by trying not to be like him, you’re already succeeding. Stop hiding yourself away from your son. Stop hiding yourself away from me.”
I forget how to breathe. My entire world becomes her.
And then, as though it never happened at all, she steps away. “You have one last chance. I can’t keep doing this, and neither can you.”
“Alright,” I mutter quietly. “That’s fair.”
She rubs her nose and checks the clock. “If he wakes up, give him some medicine. He’s about due. He hasn’t eaten much, so try to make sure he has breakfast tomorrow morning. Something dry.”
“You won’t be here?”
“I will. Once Leo’s spent some quality time with his dad.”
She pats my chest, and I ache to tug her back. To do what, I don’t know. This moment is too fragile, and as much as I want to bury myself inside her, I also want to show her the same gentleness she’s graced me with tonight.
It only occurs to me then that perhaps I want to kiss her.
I give her a gentle pull, resting my forehead against hers. Her breath hitches in her throat as she looks up at me, gorgeous brown eyes enthralled. My stomach twirls — aches. Suddenly, Leo isn’t the only thing that makes me weak.
She is.
I trace my finger up her stomach gently, relishing in the way she gulps. I don’t want her to leave. I want her to stay and make all my wrongs right. She’s the only one capable enough to try.
Without warning, she leans in, her mouth ghosting just over mine until the lack of pressure grows painful. “Goodnight, Roman.”
And with that, she walks away, leaving me feeling drunk and unsure of myself.
That woman is ruining me.
CHAPTER14
Madison
