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This time, her smile is bigger, more real. I wish there were a way to make sure it stayed that way, but I’m not stupid enough to think that me and my money can fix what was broken when she went through that, all alone. It makes my blood boil to think about all those days she must have spent heartbroken and afraid. All those days, I wasn’t there because, back then, she was just my best friend’s little sister, a woman who flitted in and out of my life and rarely stuck around to chat.
We wasted so much time.
She sips her cocoa, licking her lips and relaxing on the couch. “Anyway, are you going to tell me how it went with Brandon?”
“Well, he quit his job. And I guess he quit our friendship, too.” I scratch the back of my neck awkwardly.
Concern fills her gaze. “Are you okay? I know how much he means to you.”
“It isn’t what I wanted, but I’d do it again as long as it means I get to keep you.” Gently, I drag my finger along the side of my neck. “Besides, we have time. Maybe he’ll forgive us one day.”
She shivers. “He has to. He’s a hypocrite otherwise. Maybe Chloe will talk some sense into him.”
“Maybe. Although I think he’s right about what he said. It’s different for us than it was for them. They betrayed you, too, but at least Brandon is a decent man. If he’s angry at me, it’s because he’s worried for you. He doesn’t think I’m worthy of you.” It’s hard to admit it, but she deserves to understand the full scope of this. I want to be worthy of her. I want to be good. But there is so much damage I’m still overcoming. So many things I’m still learning.
And I think, deep down, I worry that she could do much better than me. She’s still young. She shouldn’t have to commit to a single father and his child when she could be off making her own life.
But one look from her and those fears ebb, becoming just a footnote in my mind. What’s clear, and what’s important, is the love I see in her gaze. The anger she feels on my behalf. The way she has never given up on me, even when I’ve deserved it.
“Brandon doesn’t know all of you. Fuck him for making you feel like that. You are good, Roman. You told me that you know me, and I know you, too. Even the parts you try to hide. And… Well, I love those parts maybe the most.”
Love. My heart skips over itself like a kid grazing his knee in the playground. Nobody but my mother has ever used that word, especially not when they talk about my baggage.
I pull her face closer, smelling the chocolate on her breath. Distracted, she tears my hand from her cheek and eyes the golden band on my finger. “Still wearing that wedding ring, huh?”
I smirk, rolling my thumb over her own on top of the mug. “That makes two of us. How about, until I find the right words, this ring can be my promise?”
“What kind of promise?” she whispers.
“A promise that I’m serious about this. And a promise that I’m not going anywhere.”
She nestles into me, seeming peaceful all at once. “I’ll hold you to that.”
I kiss her to seal my vow, and the world falls away.
* * *
Once we putLeo to bed together and my Mom disappears into the guest room, Madison tries to leave. I tug her back quickly, alarmed at the idea that she would be going anywhere after the day she’s had. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“I need a shower, pajamas, and bed. I’m exhausted.” She sighs, swaying on her feet as she looks anywhere but at me. I have a feeling that she doesn’t yet believe how committed I am to this, to her. If she thinks I’m leaving her alone tonight, when I know she’s struggling after coming face to face with that asshole ex again, she has another thing coming.
We made the police report and already got the update that Elio was spotted on CCTV in JFK, but I know it’s going to take more than just him leaving the city to make her feel better. What she went through is traumatic, and she needs me — even if she doesn’t know it.
At least, she needs someone. I’ll drive her to her parents’ house if I have to.
“Well, good thing I have all of the above right here. They’re all far better than the ones in your suite, too.”
She sighs. “Roman… we haven’t even talked about what will happen next. I’m still Leo’s nanny, and I don’t want him to feel confused. Especially when he asked me about being his mom…”
I shake my head softly. “He isn’t confused, Madison. He’s happy. He wants you here. We both do.” I chew on the inside of my cheek nervously. It isn’t Leo I’m worried about right now. I know in my heart that he’s content as long as he has Madison here. It’s my job to make sure it stays that way. “Look, I know you’re still young and you probably never planned to be with someone who has a kid. Someone who has baggage?—”
“Leo is not baggage.” Fire blazes in her eyes, the most life I’ve seen from her since we got home. “I love him, and I would… well, I would love nothing more than to be a permanent fixture in his life. I never felt like just his nanny. You both made me feel like family from the minute I walked in.”
The knot around my heart loosens and I can breathe again. I’ve never felt so unsure before, so afraid of rejection. Once again, Madison has uprooted my old self, the steadiness of my old confidence. I don’t mind. I would happily live in uncertainty if it meant keeping her. I’m just afraid that if I become too selfish, I’ll snatch away her youth.
But another part of me knows that nobody could love Leo the way she does. That she’s chosen us again and again. That she’s part of this small family and always will be. Age has never impacted us before. Why would it now?
“Then stay. Be family.” I take her hands, locking her gaze on mine. “Let me give you everything.”
