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Was it because I knew she was carrying my child? Or was it the woman herself? I was beginning to think it was a lot of both. Even if she chose to abort the child, I knew I’d never stop thinking about Willa. Mainly because there hadn’t been an hour during the last six weeks when I hadn’t thought about her.
With a sigh, I pulled the covers higher over her sleeping form. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do or how much of an input she’d let me have in this situation, but I knew I wanted to be in her life and the baby’s. Assuming she decided to keep the child.
Which brought up another dilemma. She was nineteen. I was thirty-five. The age gap wasn’t insurmountable, but everyone was different. Just because her parents and mine had a similar age gap, as did several members of Bones and their old ladies, didn’t mean she’d accept me even if I was interested in keeping her for my own. Which I wasn’t. I wasn’t!
Tomorrow. I’d figure it out tomorrow. Right now, I was tired and needed sleep. If I wasn’t in top mental condition when she woke, there was no way I could hold my own with her. Especially not with the bombshell she’d dropped.
With that last thought, I settled her just that little bit closer, dropped a kiss on the top of her head, and closed my eyes. Soon after, sleep took me.
Chapter Seven
Willa
I woke up warm and cozy, a comforting, familiar scent surrounding me. It took me a couple of seconds to realize that Cyclone was in the bed with me and was wrapped around me in an intimate embrace. I glanced up to see his sleeping face, illuminated by the soft moonlight coming in from the window. His brows furrowed slightly, as if he was deep in thought, and I found myself wondering what he was dreaming about.
I was pulled out of my musing when the reason I’d woken up nudged me in the bladder. I knew it was impossible for me to feel the baby move at this point, but my bladder didn’t care. I extracted myself from Cyclone’s arms and padded to the bathroom. My whole body hurt. I probably hadn’t moved since I’d fallen asleep.
Once I’d done my business, I washed my hands and brushed my teeth. Looking in the mirror, I studied my reflection for a long time. My eyes were bloodshot from my bout of sickness and crying, and there were dark circles under them. My cheekbones stood out sharply. It was a shock to see how my appearance had changed in only six weeks. I figured it was more from stress than the actual pregnancy itself, but I had started getting sick a week and a half ago and vomited most days at least once.
I splashed some cold water on my face and vowed to move on to the next step, whatever that was. I’d figure it out. The first thing I needed to do was to try and get some sleep. I’d need it in the morning when I headed back with Cyclone. With that thought, I turned to head back into the bedroom.
When I opened the door, I saw that Cyclone had moved to the edge of the mattress and sat up. Waiting on me?
He cleared his throat. “Hey.” He stood slowly, moving toward me. “I didn’t want to bother you, so I stayed here. Thought you’d want some privacy.” He looked back over his shoulder at the bed, waving a hand in that general direction. “Are you all right? Do you need anything?”
I nodded, but the tightness in my chest told a different story. I couldn’t keep up the lie any longer. “No, Cyclone. I’m not okay. I haven’t been since that night.” My voice came out shaky, betraying my emotions. God, I was so done with crying! He wasn’t worth crying over and I was just too exhausted to spend that much energy again.
Cyclone’s expression shifted from concern to worry. “What can I do to help, Willa? That’s all I want. To help. To make things better for you.”
“Why are you here, Daniel?” It was the first time I’d called him by anything other than his road name except for when he’d answered the phone and I’d expected to talk to Bohannon.
He was silent for a long moment, and I thought maybe he wasn’t going to tell me or that he would make up some bullshit reason. Instead, he scrubbed a hand through his hair and muttered his response. “I wish to God I fuckin’ knew.” Without looking at me, he held out a hand. “Come back to bed. We’re not heading back in the morning because you need rest. There’s no reason to hurry back, especially when we have stuff between us that needs to be resolved.”
“I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
“I know. And I’m not sure I’m ready to talk either. There’s so much rolling around in my mind and I need a chance to process it all.”
“I know what you mean,” I muttered. “I’ve had a few days to deal with it and I’m still not there.”
“Then let’s rest here and relax for a while. Tomorrow. The next day. Whatever it takes. Once we’ve both had time to come to terms with what’s already happened, we’ll figure out what’s going to happen next. Together.”
I wanted to deny him, but the truth was, he was right. Any decision I made, he deserved to be a part of, if he wanted to be. He hadn’t asked for this any more than I had but done was done. He was also right that I’d had far longer to process being pregnant than he had.
“You’re not stupid, Cyclone. You knew when I told you I was pregnant the baby was yours.”
He gave a heavy sigh. Did I imagine the tinge of red that spread over his cheeks? “Yeah. I knew. Was hoping I was wrong, but I knew.”
“Do you still wish you were wrong?” I hated how small I sounded, that his words affected me so much when he obviously didn’t want to be in this situation. Also, that thought made me feel like a hypocrite because I didn’t want to be pregnant either. But the fact was, I wouldn’t want this baby to be anyone’s other than Cyclone’s.
He didn’t answer immediately. Instead, he held my gaze for several moments, taking a couple of slow, deep breaths. “I can’t answer that honestly, Willa. Give me some time to think. Like I said, we’ve got time. I have no intention of leaving here until we’ve both decided what we want to do. Can you give me that?”
I lowered my gaze. “Yeah. I can do that. I want any decision I make to be rational and I’m not capable of that right now.”
Cyclone’s hand enveloped mine as he led me back to the bed. “Come on.” He urged me to climb in first. I followed his direction, sliding under the sheets, feeling the cool softness of the material against my skin. He climbed in beside me, his body warm and welcoming as he pulled me back against him, spooning his body around mine.
God, I loved being in his arms. It had felt just as good that morning when I’d woken up so hung over. The longer we lay there quietly, the more the tension between us faded away to be replaced by a sense of comfort I hadn’t felt before. In that moment, it felt like everything would be all right. Cyclone would help me. He’d make sure I had what I needed in material things and possibly even emotional support. We might not be in a relationship or be a couple, but I knew he’d do right by me. If not, my daddy and his momma would probably kill him. But that wasn’t who Cyclone was. He wouldn’t shirk his responsibilities for any reason. Which was another thing I worried about.
“I don’t want you to try to forge some kind of relationship with me out of duty or obligation. You can be part of the baby’s life if you want to be without us being a couple. The last thing I want to do is make you miserable.”
