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“Rocket took me with him and trained me in the years afterward.Now, I’m one of the best hunters the club has.It’s also why Rocket made me promise to help him.He saw that talent in me and intended to hone it to a fine point.”
I took a breath, remembering even though I’d tried so hard to bury the pain deep.I didn’t want to keep anything from Scarlet.Never.If it meant I was a little uncomfortable, I could deal.“When we finally got inside the warehouse, I was determined to kill every one of those bastards.”
“As you should.Did you get them all?”Her voice was soft and soothing, somehow making the telling a little easier.
“Oh, yeah.Blood flowed like a fuckin’ river in that place.What we did to those guys… They died in unspeakable ways.This is something I doubt Rocket would want you to know.I think I killed more than every man in Grim Road combined.It was a huge fuckin’ ring.Dozens of men holding even more dozens of young women and a few boys and girls.But it didn’t start immediately.”
“What do you mean?”
“We were keeping it quiet.Only killing when we had to in order to keep the element of surprise until we could free all the kids.The plan was to go on a killing spree once the kids were safe.”I swallowed.“Until I found my sister.”
“I take it she was hurt.”
“Yeah, honey.Found her hanging in the room where they’d kept her.So when I saw you… In that tree…” I cleared my throat.
“It reminded you of that night.”She kissed my jaw.My neck.
“I got her down and we tried to resuscitate her.Thought we had her too, but she found my gaze.She clung to me like I was her lifeline.Then she whispered that she was sorry she doubted me.That’s when I knew she’d done that herself.Because she didn’t think I could find her and take her away.”
“How horrible.I’m so sorry, Mars.So very sorry.”
“The reason that warehouse was such a bloody mess was because of me.I… lost my mind, I guess.I remember… castrating a man.Maybe more than one.But it was like I was in a first-person video game or something.Like it wasn’t really me doing all those things.Blood was everywhere.I felt like I’d bathed in it.”
“They deserved everything you did to them and more.”
“I know.I don’t regret doing any of it.I only regret that I can’t fuckin’ remember it all.We…” I cleared my throat.This was the hard part.“We caught more than one of them raping one of the kids.The young women.Some of the shit those men did… It was sickening.The most revolting things you could possibly imagine.
“Grim Road believes in an eye for an eye.So we did to those menevery single fuckin’ thingthey’d done to the kids.Every fuckin’ thing, Scarlet.And it was the dirtiest I’d ever felt in my life.Not because of what I’d done to the men.But because of what I’d seen the men doing to the kids.Sometimes during sex, if I get triggered, I think I’m back in that fuckin’ warehouse.Only I’m the one doing those things to kids.Like in the video game I described earlier.When that happens, I fight.I’ve accidentally hurt a couple of the club whores here in the past.Never too bad, but bad enough.So I stopped having sex.”
“If sex isn’t something you want to do, we can figure something out.I don’t ever want to give you bad memories.”
“Oh, honey, there’s nothing about you that could give me anything but good memories.But I will never hurt you.And You have absolutely no idea how much I want sex to be a huge part what we do together.I’m considering lettin’ you tie me up so there’s no way I could hurt you and you could just have your wicked way with me.”
That got a laugh out of Scarlet.“I could, huh?”
“Oh, yeah.”My smile faded.“When I brought my sister’s body home, my mother insisted on seeing her.My dad tried to keep her away, but Mom insisted.She held my sister’s lifeless body for a good hour before me and Dad pulled her away and took her home.Dad put her to bed and came downstairs to get double-check the security system had been armed.That’s when she shot herself.”I had to stop and push through those memories.It had been the worst day of my life, and more than my dad could take.
“Dad didn’t last long after that.The docs said he had Broken Heart Syndrome.After losing his daughter and his wife of more than half his life, I could see that being exactly what happened.So, I’ve lost my entire family.I absolutely will not lose you, Scarlet.Not for any reason.Certainly not because I had a flashback and hurt you.”
“How do you feel now, Mars?Talking about all that.Reliving it.”
I thought about that for a moment.“Surprisingly, it’s not as traumatic as I thought it would be.But it’s not me.It’s you.Scarlet, you ground me somehow.”
“We’ll do whatever is comfortable for you, but I have to warn you.I fully intend to get you to try.At least once.”The impish look on her face lightened my heart more than I realized I’d needed.This wouldn’t be the only time we had this conversation and I thought I might be OK with it.I found it felt good to confide in someone.To tell someone else how I’d felt that night.
“How about this?”I brushed my fingers lightly over her cheek, letting my thumb play along her bottom lip.“We’ll work through it together.Both of us got issues.And I’m not going to give up before we even try.I want you like I’ve never wanted another woman in my life.”
“I bet, if we took it slow and just explored each other, we could control things a little better.If we wait until we’re both so desperate things get out of hand, it might be worse.For both of us.”
I felt my lips curl.“I think you’re wantin’ to play.Is that what you want?”
She shrugged.“I wouldn’t object.”
I leaned up and pulled her down for a kiss.I’d gotten so used to it, I knew exactly where to put my lips so they fit perfectly against hers.She sighed and opened her mouth, letting me sweep my tongue inside her before melting against me.
“Gonna take my time with you, honey.Before this is over, I’m gonna know every square inch of your flesh.Then I’m gonna find out exactly what drives you crazy.”
Her smile was worth admitting any shortcomings or weaknesses on my part.Because I knew she felt the same way with me.She had things she perceived as weaknesses, too.“Good.Because I want to do the same with you.”
