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“I was eighteen and scared, Tyler. You had your entire life ahead of you. I fucked up. I’m not saying I didn’t. What I am saying is that I didn’t keep Brody from you out of malice. I really, truly thought that if I told you I was pregnant, you’d stay behind, and then you would resent us for that. You’d resent going to law school in L.A. only because I had gotten pregnant. You’d resent having a child with me because it would have kept you from going to Harvard.
“And the more I thought about it that day, the more I feared that you would grow to resent our child for altering the life you had imagined for yourself. Because like I said, we were eighteen. The two of us were both selfish with our lives, like most eighteen-year-olds are. In the moment, and throughout that day, I thought it would be better this way for all parties involved. That’s why I made the decision, because I thought I was doing what was best for everyone.”
He turned his gaze back to the skyline, and I followed his movements. I didn’t know what else to say. I had nothing else to say, really.
“Brody’s a good kid, Tyler. And every day that passes, he becomes more like you. In the way he looks and moves. Even in the way he laughs. My parents tease me sometimes about how it was a good thing I carried him; otherwise no one would know who his mother was.”
“So your parents know,” he said.
I closed my eyes and sighed heavily.
“Yes, they know. So does Kristi.”
“So they all knew and I didn’t.”
I had no idea how to fix any of this.
“Brody does have a shy side, though. I’m not really sure who he gets that from.”
“You,” Tyler said.
“What?”
“He gets that from you. You aren’t shy now, but you were very shy back in high school,” he said.
“I guess you’re right. He gets all his good traits from you.”
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Downplay the traits he has from you. He’s strong, like you. Happy, like you. Confident, like you.”
“He could have gotten those from you.”
“He didn’t. He got them from you,” he said.
“I told him about you last night.”
That got Tyler’s attention. He whipped his head over to take me in again.
“You did?”
“I did. I made myself a promise when I had Brody that I would never lie to him. If he asked me a question, I’d never withhold the truth. And when I introduced him to you in the sandwich shop, I lied to my son for the first time, and it almost made me sick.”
“What did he say?” he asked.
“He mostly wanted to know what you were like, why you weren’t there to tuck him in.”
“What did you tell him?”
“That sometimes the best surprises take time to process, like my father with his surprise birthday party last year.”
“Surprise birthday party?”
“We jumped out to surprise him and almost gave him a heart attack, literally. It took him a little while to recuperate before he enjoyed himself. I used that analogy to describe to Brody what was going on, that you had found out about him and you were taking time to process the surprise before coming back to enjoy the best thing that had ever happened to you.”
“That’s—actually a really good analogy.”
“Don’t sound so shocked,” I said flatly.
“I didn’t mean it the way it came out.”
I bit my tongue to keep from spouting back. We didn’t need any more fighting. We needed a united front.
“So, he’s shy. What else?” Tyler asked.
“He’s curious about the world around him, always exploring and digging in the dirt and asking questions.”
“Like his father,” he said, grinning.
“Oh, yeah, like his father. I’m telling you, he’s your carbon copy. I haven’t been able to escape you at all.”
“Did you want to?”
Those four words were filled with all the sadness the world had to offer.
“No. But I knew I had to so you could make the life you’d always wanted. Even if I hadn’t been pregnant, I still would have done anything to make sure you went to Harvard. That was what you were destined for. You and I both know it.”
“Not at the expense of not knowing my son, Ana.”
“You can still know him,” I said.
“I do want to meet him.”
“Good, because he wants to meet you, too. He’s been asking questions about you lately, and he’s ecstatic that you’re in town.”
“He really wants to meet me?”
“Oh, yes. He really does. He’s intelligent. Maybe a little too intelligent. He’s beginning to realize that most kids have daddies and he doesn’t. He wants one. I can see it in his eyes.”
“I can’t imagine how hard that must’ve been on you.”
“I did the best I could, for both of you. Even though you don’t think so and even though it hurts, I promise that’s all I tried to do.”
