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Scarlett
Ineeded to make a decision. The wedding was already over, and I knew that in very little time, he would be leaving. I had waited and hoped to see him here, wondering if, by some helpful twist of fate, we could reach some sort of understanding. I didn't even know what I was hoping for, but as I watched him throughout the ceremony, I understood that this was an instance where I wasn't going to wait for fate to cause a reconciliation on my behalf. Sure, I couldn't force Lucien's cooperation, but I could, to an extent, get his understanding. So, after emptying my sparkling cider, I rose to my feet, wishing to hell that I could drink alcohol of any sort. However, this was generally impossible, so I had to do this clear-headed.
I headed over to his table, which thankfully was empty as almost everyone else was on the dance floor. My legs were shaky, and I could feel all the perspiration I had somehow held at bay up till this moment began to appear on my skin and under my arms. I had to turn then to look toward Sophie's direction, and indeed, I found her watching me. For the first time in a very long while, I allowed my vulnerability to show as I asked her if Iwas making a mistake and if I should turn around. However, she smiled at me, softly, and kindly, and then she nodded.
She'd told me that after she returned to work, I was never mentioned. It was almost as though I had been completely erased from his mind and as though I had never existed. To an extent, and after this report, I had been certain then that I'd be able to do the same. But a few weeks later, I was pouring my guts out in the toilet bowl of a restaurant. At first, when I'd found out, I'd been shocked, but then I couldn’t help but feel somewhat excited because the door that I thought was closed forever seemed to have been creaked open. Yet I had no way to burst through. Perhaps I never would, but now that I had seen him again, I was convinced that I didn't want to get rid of his baby.
He had to be the most gorgeous and excellent specimen of a man I had ever come across, and if his baby was the memento that was given to me of the fact that we had met and that we had been intimate, then I was ready to keep the baby. Taking a deep breath, I continued on my way toward the table, but just as I was approaching, two things happened.
First, I spotted Elena, who had been trailing around with one of our cousins on the dance floor, and started to head over to him. She seemed so happy and carefree, so it took a while for her to notice my approach, but the moment she did, she immediately did a three-hundred-and-sixty-degree turn and returned to the dance floor. Of course, Lucien was paying attention, so the moment she did this, his head turned in curiosity, and he finally noticed that I was heading his way.
I was forced to stop in my tracks because I almost expected him to rise to his feet to leave at my approach, but when after a few seconds had passed and he didn't, I was able to somewhat breathe easier. He didn’t look away. Instead, he kept staring at me because it was now obvious I was heading toward him. Iappreciated this consideration as well and managed somehow to keep one foot in front of the other as I approached. Still, my knees shook and my throat clogged with emotion. There was no doubt that tears were filling my eyes and at the most unfortunate moment they were probably going to fall and embarrass me beyond redemption but I couldn’t help it. Three days after we’d met I was too afraid to call it what I now know it was. It felt right, it felt true, and it had made me crumble into pieces over the past month, over and over again. In that time I hadn’t been able to stop myself from learning everything that was publicly available about him and with each moment that had passed I fell more in love with who he was. So now I knew that I was in trouble but the distance had kept me sane enough to not approach him. Now, however, I couldn’t hold back any longer.
He was dressed immaculately in a pinstriped suit, but a bit more casual than usual. He had on a gorgeous pocket square, and his hair was slicked back, and my heart just wanted to tear out of my chest. Eventually, I arrived at his table, and he stared at me. I decided then, however, that I didn't want to talk in that location. I knew that everyone was probably busy dancing and didn't pay us any mind, but I couldn’t stop myself from feeling that every eye in the room was on us, not even because of me but because of him. It was nearly impossible not to have noticed all the female attention he had received since he had arrived, but thankfully, for the most part, most of them had stayed away because they assumed that Elena was his girlfriend.
"Hello," I greeted as I arrived, and he nodded in response. "Can we, uh, talk?" I asked. For a second, he seemed as though he was going to reject me, and I couldn’t risk it, so I explained further. "I, uh... have something to tell you," I said.
"Take a seat," he said, gesturing toward Elena's seat, but when I looked around, he understood my meaning and rose to his feet. I was so grateful that I almost cried, but I kept myselftogether, and we soon headed away from the venue. There was a gorgeous garden beyond with a little pond that we could stroll by, so we walked side by side through it until the people and the sounds and bustle from the wedding party were only a low hum in the distance.
Eventually, we came to a stop when we located the pond, and then turned around to face each other.
"What is it?" he asked, and I was immediately unhappy at his curt tone. However, I wasn't doing this to seek sympathy or anything for that matter from him. All I wanted was to inform him of the simple facts, and he could do whatever he wanted with the subsequent information.
I turned and watched him, and I was more certain than ever of the decision I had been leaning toward from the first moment I found out. It would be difficult, life would drastically change, but I was sure that I would never regret it. And so I didn't beat around the bush. Instead, I came right out with the words, and to my surprise, they flowed out much more easily than I had expected.
"I'm pregnant," I told him. Before this moment, I hadn't heard a single sound from around us, but now it was as though I could hear the tiny splashes from the water, the crickets, my breathing, his lack of anything. He seemed as though he had turned to stone at my words, so I didn’t delay any further before he accused me of whatever was probably running through his head.
"Don't worry, I'm not here to ask for anything. I don’t need anything from you; I'm more than capable of handling this myself. I just wanted to let you know. I debated for a while on whether to keep it or not, and I've decided to. You're welcome to be involved in his or her life, but whatever happens, you're obligated to nothing. I just wanted to let you know. That's all."
I didn't wait; I just turned around. But before I could leave, he caught my wrist. My chest constricted, making it nearly impossible to breathe, but I managed to hold my cool as I shut my eyes and tried to regulate my breathing.
"You're just going to drop a bomb like that and walk away?" he asked. I pulled my hand out of his hold and turned around then to face him.
"What do you want me to say? There's nothing to say. It's a fact, and being straightforward is the only way. No need for guesses or expectations or promises."
"When did you find out?" he asked, and I shut my eyes to think.
"About ten days ago," I replied. "So, a little over a week?"
"Why didn't you tell me immediately?" he asked.
"Well, I didn't exactly have such easy access to you."
"What about Sophie?" he cut me off.
"She doesn't interfere. Given our history, there's a clear line between all of this to her."
He listened, but I couldn’t tell what he was thinking or feeling, so I decided to leave again, I didn't want it to be awkward if he stopped me once again.
"It was great seeing you," I told him, "Thanks for coming, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the party."
I continued on my way, and this time around, he truly didn't stop me.
It was what I had expected, what I had even almost hoped for, but regardless, it hurt so much that I had to wonder if I wasn't just lying to myself and asking for much less than I deserved. It didn't matter anyway because whether I was asking for too little or too much, I wasn’t going to demand anything. I had laid down the cards, and it was up to him to do what he wanted. Whatever he chose, I promised myself that I would be more than alright. I would be great.
Chapter 58
Lucien
