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Chapter 42
Lucien
"Have you found anything yet?" I asked as soon as I arrived home. I had just gotten into the elevator and had told myself that there was no need to check up on Felix or request any updates for the rest of the night. However, I found myself unable to hold back.
I didn't understand why I was worried, but I just needed him to at least confirm with me that he had found her, and for that reason, to be sure that he was up to the task, I had purposely refused to give him her address.
I knew her address from her files, so if he got this for a start, I would at least know he was up to the task. Otherwise, I had someone else in mind I could quickly assign the task to.
To my pleasure, however, he had a positive response for me.
"Yes, sir, I have. I followed after work, and she went to an apartment in Chelsea. But she didn't head in or, rather, she wasn’t let in, and then afterwards, she returned to a different apartment in Soho."
I listened to his words and was immediately alarmed and concerned all in one.
I was also curious because nothing he had just said made any sense.
“What do you mean by she went to one apartment but wasn't let in, and then she went to another?” I asked.
"I think the second one she went to is her actual apartment," he said. "Because she has the keys for it and didn't have to knock or wait."
My frown deepened even further, as this, too, made absolutely no sense. So, I waited for him to explain. He didn't seem to have any, so I guessed the only way to find out was with time.
“Is she in danger?” I asked, and this time he had a response.
“She doesn't seem to be,” he said. “She seemed quite familiar with the apartment she went into."
“She lives in Chelsea, not Soho,” I informed him, and he processed this.
“Maybe she’s temporarily staying with a friend. I’ll confirm the discrepancy and find an explanation for it. Then, I'll let you know.”
At his words, I hesitated because right now it seemed as though I was just unnecessarily prying into her life, and this was the last thing I wanted to do.
I just want to be sure that she is safe, and anything else makes me feel uncomfortable, as though I were crossing the line. So, I dish out a different set of instructions.
“No need,” I replied. "Just follow her for the next few days to make sure she's safe and that Gregory Walters doesn't show up around her. After this is confirmed, then I guess we can bring this surveillance to a close. Anything else is completely unnecessary."
He seemed to hesitate in his response to this, but eventually, he agreed.
“Yes, sir,” he said.
I put the phone away, then rested my head against the steel of the car doors. It had been such a hectic day, but I was usually used to them, so I couldn’t help but wonder now why this particular one seemed to have drained me more than usual.
I returned to my apartment but could still feel the nervous energy plaguing my system. It was very clear to me now that unless I dispelled it somehow, I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep tonight. So, as soon as I arrived, I took off my clothes, changed into gym wear, and went out for a run.
It was exhilarating, thus I didn’t want to stop. But after running for forty-five minutes, I realized that it was a different kind of restlessness that I was trying to soothe. It was sexual energy stemming from my constant thoughts about her and subsequently the reminders of the night we had together back in London.
When I had to catch my breath, I stopped in the middle of the street and leaned against my knee. This was getting out of hand. It was clear to me now that I was out of control. However, I didn't know how to resolve it. Perhaps we could coexist as co-workers and yet continue with our sexual relationship? This, however, wasn’t bound to end well, and she would definitely be the one at the end of the day getting the short end of the stick. Plus, I wasn’t sure I wanted a relationship, or that I even had time for that kind of commitment. But I couldn’t just sleep with her whenever I wanted to either. It was bound to get complicated without any labels whatsoever, just as it was right now. I already felt possessive of her, and so if we had that kind of relationship, I most definitely would want her to be exclusive with me, and it was only fair to me to provide her the same.
This was a dilemma I truly didn’t know how to solve, but once again, I reminded myself of my still hopefully iron-clad discipline. I could push this away—all of this distraction—and focus solely on our work, just as we had before. I knew from thestart that this was a risk, yet I had been willing to take it, and I had no regrets. But now, I had to find the perfect way to navigate it.
And so, I walked the rest of the way home, and the moment I got into the shower, I turned on the warm cascade and stood under it. I thought of her and tried to control my emotions, but it seemed as though the more I tried, the memories of being intimate with her haunted me. I remembered very vividly the erotic sight of her sex pulsing greedily around my cock, and it had been so intense that, in the present, my dick twitched in response. Desire swarmed me like a wave, and by the time I leaned against the tiled wall for support, I was so hard it almost hurt.
I couldn't hold myself back anymore and grabbed my dick, beginning to stroke it. It was too easy for me to recall how it had felt to have her mouth wrapped around it. I recalled the delight in her eyes and the enjoyment in her smile, making my grip harder and my movements faster. I could recall the last time I had masturbated for any reason, but now here I was, almost brutally bringing myself to completion. I was fucking enjoying every bit of it because one woman was in my mind.
I was excited, realizing that when I arrived at the office the next day, I was going to see her. Our relationship was different now, and I had to admit it. By dipping into the waters as I had, things would never be the same, and as pleasure overwhelmed me, and I threw my head back, her name falling from my lips, I decided that I didn’t want it to go back to the way it was. I still wasn't sure how far we could go from here, but I promised myself one thing, and that was the fact that no matter what happened, and no matter the direction we both came to, whether one that was fortunate or unfortunate, she wouldn’t, in any way, be left at a disadvantage. I would give in to her wishes at every point in time to ensure that neither she nor I ever viewed thisas a mistake. I wanted it to be an experience that we could both look back on or perhaps even develop into something more.
The very thought was foreign to me, but it wasn't an impossibility. I had known her for so long, and I was comfortable with her. I enjoyed her company, and it was very easy for me to convince myself that if there was anyone I wanted to try a romantic partnership with, then it would be her. My only concern was that now that she had broken up with her fiancé, I might have been a rebound, and to her, I was nothing else. I was ready to face this as well. In short, at this point, I was ready to accept anything she requested as long as I got to be with her again. And with this, I eventually accepted that I was completely overtaken by her... by her beauty, appeal, charm, and wit. So, finally, I permitted myself to pursue this along with her and at her pace to see where it would lead. It was a risk, but finally, after so long, I couldn’t help but feel slightly relieved that I was more than willing to take it.
