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However, because I was still somewhat sane and couldn’t quite say any of these, I instead smiled and pulled my hand away from underneath his before I completely lost control of myself. To be honest, at this point, I was more concerned for his safety than mine.
Smiling, I couldn’t stare at him like it seemed he wanted me to, I pulled out my phone and tried to reach Sophie. However, the little demon did not respond.
Shaking my head, I set the phone down, but when I returned my attention to him, I found that he too now had his gaze on his phone. This was so awkward, and I couldn’t help it, but I began to feel a sense of responsibility for making this time fun for him because he never came out this way.
I had been thinking solely about myself, but I realized I needed to also be concerned about his enjoyment of the time we were sharing. After all, apart from everyone else working for him, he had chosen me to participate, and I deeply appreciated that.
But first, and because he was my boss, I still believed a part of him was not against firing me.
I cleared my throat, and though this didn’t immediately draw his attention toward me, it did get him to put his phone away.
I had a smile ready for him when he noticed this and didn’t quite reciprocate it, I immediately deflated. I didn’t blame him; it looked painful and awkward at best. I didn’t know how to ease into the lighter mood that I wanted to share with him so this outing would be enjoyable.
I didn’t give up, though, so when his eyebrows raised as though asking me to explain the reason for drawing his attention, I had no choice but to speak.
“Has Elena ever dragged you along for her trips?” I asked.
He stared at me for a while, and then he slightly cocked his head, all without responding, and this was terrifying, to say the least, because suddenly I had just asked the questions that I was supposed to know the answer to.
“Why would she want me on any of her trips?” he asked.
This made perfect sense to me because no matter what, no matter the fact that he was not that much older than her and was still quite young, he was still her strict older brother and the last thing she wanted was for him to interfere with her college-aged friends. Both adults, sure, but there was a significant difference.
I nodded in response to this and gave up on speaking or saying anymore because sooner rather than later, I was sure to mess up and say something that I shouldn’t have or that should have been unnecessary for me to say.
I completely gave up and began to look around like a lost sheep across the restaurant. For some reason, perhaps because this was a time of leisure and no work, Lucien was paying full attention to everything I did and said, and so he wasn't as willing as I would have expected to let this one slide.
“She specifically tells you to book her impromptu trips during times when I absolutely will not be able to go with her, so I won’t rain on her parade.” This sounded right and made perfect sense.
And once again, I had messed up, and so now all I could do was smile and act as though I was in complete agreement with him.
“Yeah,” I replied. “Forget I said anything it was a dumb question.”
To this, he nodded, and I was certain that this matter was done with, but he seemed hell-bent on getting me to expose myself in some way because he just kept asking questions.
“Why do you think it was a dumb question?” he asked, and almost instantly, I could see the true curiosity in his gaze. He wasn’t being funny in any way but was truly trying to understand why I had made such an offhand statement.
“Uh…” I was now truly and officially confused by all the attention, by all the questions. If I wasn’t going to get fired, then there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that he had discovered something I didn’t know about because none of this was normal. And as I looked at him, my shoulders deflated because I really couldn’t stand being this constantly anxious anymore. It was emotionally and physically draining, and I wondered if now would be the best time to take a leave until Sophie returned. After all, what she didn’t want to miss was seeing this deal with Charles Nioly through, and now that it was done, there was really no reason for me to be in the picture.
I looked at him and felt my heart wrench, and I couldn't help but feel sad because I had been hoping to have more days with him, but I really couldn't do this anymore. It was difficult to speak and I understood why. It was too soon; the sex had been out of this world amazing and I had never been one for romantic ideations but I knew that if anyone in the world could sweep me off my feet it would be him. And he had. However I had to look away for my sanity because perhaps I was seeing more than what was actually there, and more likely, I was the one solely building this sand castle in my head and with how ill-timed all of this was, I couldn’t imagine anything except a pathetic end. I was almost sure I would never meet anyone of his caliber, who I also had such explosive chemistry with, I was choosing to look away for my own sanity. And so with a deep sigh, I shut my eyes and straightened.
“I want to ask for something,” I said.
He stared at me in that watchful, stripping gaze of his, and then his eyes went to my wringing hands. I didn't even realize just how nervous I was until my eyes lowered to them, and I could see just how pale they had turned, so I let go.
“What is it?” he asked, almost as though he knew exactly what I was going to say.
“I think, uh… I’ll need some time off. Not too long, just a few days, until the weekend. I think with everything that's happened this week, I need the space to clear my head and recharge.”
I stopped, hoping he would respond and say something, anything, to allay my worries, however, he didn't. He just continued to watch me, and for a moment, the sadness I was sure I saw in his eyes was heart-wrenching, but it made absolutely no sense. And yet, I felt it. Ifeltit and it made my heart flutter but I couldn’t explain it.
There was something I could explain. “To be honest, I needed the time off earlier in the week, but I wanted to see this projectthrough, especially since this was the final stage of concluding the proposal and taking him on as a client. But now that is said and done with, I think… I really need a little break.”
Just then our food was delivered, and at first, upon the waiter's arrival, I was almost annoyed by his interruption. But when he lingered as he set down our sandwiches and ordered drinks, I realized that this was the perfect chance for a reprieve so that we could both process what I had just said.
Sophie was probably going to kill me for not being able to even last with Lucien for a week, but at this point, I didn't care. I just wanted to go back to my still manageable and emotionally stable life. It dawned on me now more than ever that I had been quite reckless, and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was because I had been living Sophie's life and not mine. But then again, I felt as though I had been careful, yet everything seemed to have spiraled so wildly that I was now literally frightened for my life and job. No, I didn’t expect that creep to hurt me, at least not physically, but the threat of being approached by him had kept me up all night and almost afraid to remain in my own home alone, and this was completely unacceptable.
“Alright,” he said, and for a few seconds, I wondered if I had misheard him.
