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Prologue
Ava
I sat there and played with my salad, listening to Camilla drone on and on about her and her boyfriend, Logan. I had known the second she had called me up and wanted to get dinner that something had happened and I would get an earful about it. What I hadn’t expected was the sheer amount of detail she would go into while I tried to eat my food.
“He fits me like a glove, Ava. And he’s so big. I mean, it’s insane. I’ve never been with a guy as big as him.”
“Do we really have to talk about this now?” I asked.
“Come on, you’re the only person I can talk to about this kind of thing. Besides, don’t you want to know what happens with sex? You know, in case you find yourself in a position to have it?”
“Just because I’m a virgin doesn’t mean I don’t know how sex operates, Camilla.”
“Well, you could’ve fooled me. The last time we talked, you seemed shocked that Logan licked caramel off my—”
“I didn’t know people put sweets in places like that, so sue me. Penis in vagina. Sex. There we go,” I said.
“You suck the romance out of everything.”
“I’m sorry, but having my hair pulled and my butt slapped doesn’t sound like romance. It sounds painful.”
“But it feels so good, Ava. Trust me. When you finally cave and have sex, have your hair pulled. I know you think it’s weird, but trust me. You’ll love it.”
“I highly doubt that,” I said.
“Wanna know what Logan tried this time?”
“You mean after sucking a strawberry out of your vagina and leaving actual teeth marks behind, there’s still more?”
“With Logan, there’s always more. Get this: We also tried anal last night.”
“That’s disgusting.”
“And it hurt like hell. He’s way too big. But he did try slipping a finger in my asshole when he was—”
“And now I’m no longer hungry,” I said.
“Oh, come on, Ava. You’ve never been this touchy when talking about sex.”
“And you’ve never been this graphic. How long were the two of you in bed? Four hours?”
She grinned. “Try all night.”
“Can we talk about something else now? Anything else?”
“Fine. How did your date go last week?”
“It came and it went.”
“So, no second date?”
“No.”
“And you’re still a virgin?”
“I’m not sleeping with any man on the first date, Camilla.”
“Then when are you ever going to get laid? Come on, Ava, you’re twenty-five years old. Are you scared or something?”
“I’m not scared. Just waiting for the right moment, and the right person. A man named Garrett who talked about his miniature pony the entire night didn’t really seem like the right guy to lose my virginity to.”
“A miniature pony?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
“Oh, that’s bad.”
“Very.”
“Well, why don’t you come speed dating with me?”
“Because if one rejection a night isn’t enough, try thirty in an hour! It really is a natural high,” I said.
Camilla threw her head back and laughed as I took a bite of my salad.
“See? Any man would be insanely attracted to your sense of humor,” she said.
“It isn’t about attraction, Cam. It’s about connection.”
“Logan and I connected after our first date.”
“Seriously? Cut it out.”
“I’m just worried that something’s scaring you about it. You’re the only twenty-something-year-old I know who’s so against sex.”
“I’m not against sex. I just don’t want to have meaningless sex.”
“The sex I have is never meaningless. It always has a point.”
“Oh? Like what?”
“Like getting off the best way I can,” she said with a broad smile.
I sighed and took another bite of my salad. In truth, I was a little scared, but more than that, I simply wasn’t ready. I’d never met someone who made me feel comfortable enough to take that step with. And with all the literature I read on how the first time hurts like hell for many women, it ingrained in me a certain level of fear of it. As I got older and graduated from college, I got creative with my sex drive. I knew how my body worked and I knew the quickest way to fulfill the itch that arose, but other than that I didn’t need anything.
Well, most of the time I didn’t.
“I’m not scared,” I said.
“I can see it on your face every time we talk about it. You’re terrified, Ava.”
“I’m not scared, and I’m certainly not terrified, Camilla.”
“It doesn’t hurt. I know you think it does, but it doesn’t. And the initial hurt that comes with a first time instantly fades away and gives way to pleasure beyond your wildest imagination.”
“So it does hurt,” I said.
“I knew it. You don’t want to go through the pain of your first time, even if it means encountering a bliss you’ve never known.”
“So what if I don’t want it to hurt? Who cares?”
“It’s so much better than you can even imagine, Ava. The ecstasy you’re missing out on when a man kisses your neck. The shivers that roll up your spine when he’s lapping at your clit. The way your body begs for him and feels full when he slides into your—”
